


Nothing That’s Easy Is Worth It

by Witch_of_agnesi



Series: Teachers [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Miscommunication, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, bottom! Callum, top! Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25075390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witch_of_agnesi/pseuds/Witch_of_agnesi
Summary: Walford Academy is a school in trouble.Ben Mitchell has been Head of PE for 3 years, Callum Highway is the new Head of maths tasked with turning the academy’s fortunes around.What happens when their ideas don’t align?This is their story, told over a school year, of how two very different people with the same goals actually manage to make things work.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Teachers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992298
Comments: 137
Kudos: 249





	1. September

**Author's Note:**

> Seems I like writing AUs for these boys, but I don’t know what actually happened with this. I hope it ends up OK!

It was a bright September morning and Callum was sitting in front of 11 unfamiliar faces, all looking up at him expectantly. He swallowed nervously and tried to hide the fact that his fingers were twitching and his leg bouncing. Why was it so much easier to be in front of 30 teenagers than a handful of adults? It didn’t help that he had quite possibly the most difficult job to do this year and every other teacher in front of him had been at the school for way longer than him and they were probably waiting for him to fail so they could carry on with their previously easy lives. He had to convince them to work with him and to trust him in all his new ideas without alienating them all, and that was the hardest thing about coming into a new job, line managing new people. For the first time since he’d accepted the job as head of mathematics at Walford Academy, he almost wished he had decided to stay at the safe, suburban school he had moved to following his train crash of a first school, the one he’d worked his way up through the system at. There he was known and liked and respected by pupils and teachers alike but now it was like starting as a NQT all over again.

Walford Academy was failing. There was no easy way to gloss over the situation. Grades were low, pupils were behaving poorly, staff were quitting or being pushed. When he had suggested to his line manager at his old school that he wanted the chance to work in a school like Walford, to try to make a difference to kids in inner city London, he had almost been laughed out the office. But he had applied for the job anyway and unsurprisingly they had bitten their hands off to get him. Callum’s reputation preceded him - he was a great teacher, got good results and his two years as head of maths at his previous school had seen grades improve every year. Walford had offered him more money, a route to senior leadership within three years and the chance to mould his new department however he wanted with as much money as he needed - and that, along with the knowledge that he would be able to change these kids lives for the better had made him take that leap and accept. He had moved back to inner London during the summer, closer to his brother than he had been for years, and had spent the six weeks holidays planning new curriculums and resources to use in the department. And now he had to sell them and himself to a group of adults that knew little to nothing about him. 

The meeting hadn’t actually gone as bad as he had been thinking it would, Callum knew he had the charm to be liked by people and he had gone on full attack for this first important time with his department. Sure, they had grumbled a little but they all seemed at least willing to try his new ideas. At the end he leant back a little in his chair and regarded them with a smile. “So, if there’s one thing I could change straight away that would make a difference to your teaching, what would it be?” he asked innocently, not expecting the following car crash response in any shape or form.

Five minutes later found Callum knocking on the door of his line manager on the senior leadership team and practically storming in. “What’s this I hear about kids being taken out of maths lessons every week for PE practice?” was in retrospect probably not the best opening line to the man he’d only just that morning been introduced to.  
“Sit down,” Jack Branning gestured and as Callum flounced into a chair still so angry he could barely sit still he shrugged. “It's always happened.”  
“Well, it needs to stop. Immediately. I cannot have year 11 pupils missing that many lessons.”  
Again that shrug. “Happens in English too. It’s just the done thing. Just deal with it, Callum.”  
And he was dismissed with a half-arsed wave.

Callum was furious. No, that was an understatement. He was livid. He searched for the head of PE on the computer and decided to go and see if he could reason with him. His name was Ben Mitchell, he found out, been in post for the last 3 years, office in the PE block down by the reception area. They were all supposed to be in meetings, pastoral or department but he figured he could ask for a little chat with the man. So Callum picked up his jacket and headed out, over the large school site towards the PE block. As he drew closer across the playground, he realised he couldn’t exactly miss the PE staff, the entire department were out in force, testing equipment on the tennis courts, loudly and excitedly calling out to each other. Callum hid behind the corner of the building and watched them for a few seconds, trying to work out when would be the best time to approach them when he felt someone touch his arm, making him jump. Turning he saw a girl with red hair, looking at him inquisitively. “Can I help you?” she enquired.  
Damn, he’d forgotten no one would know who he was yet. He fumbled with his pass. “Sorry, I’m the new head of maths, Callum Highway.”  
“Ah, so you’re the new guy. I’m Whitney, I’m a music teacher. What are you doing lurking here?”  
“I’m after the head of PE, Ben…”  
“Mitchell, right,” Whitney said, waving over at the loud group of adults. “He’s the short guy with brown hair, the loudest one there. What do you want him for?”  
Callum shrugged a little. “I need to ask him a favour.”  
Whitney snorted at that, there was no polite way to describe the sound she made. “Well, good luck with that. Ben Mitchell thinks he runs the school, he’s not likely to do you a favour at all. You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t try to make you quit.”  
Callum said nothing in return, watching carefully as Ben organised his department into yet another short tennis game. If that was indeed the case, he would have to go in harder than he had originally planned. And he had the perfect time in mind to do just that.

Ben was used to being the top dog at school, the fun teacher, favourite of all the kids, cool, likeable. He prided himself on being the one teacher that the kids spoke about to other staff, the one they wanted to be like when they were older, the one they wanted to chat to if they had problems. So when a new member of staff joined the academy, he was always trying to suss them out, see what they were like, if they were going to be part of his selective crew.  
He’d obviously heard the tale about the new Head of Maths that had started at school on their first day back - who wasn’t aware of the issues in the maths department at Walford Academy? Kids going up the walls, teachers unable to cope, results plummeting to rock bottom - all culminating in the ‘resignation’ of the old head of department. Ben had sniggered to his department and Jay about this - they all knew it was code for being sacked and to be honest they were just surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. A new head of maths was a big thing for the academy but Ben had already written them off as a nerd and not really worth looking out for - after all, in which world would a geeky maths teacher want to take part in cool PE stuff? That’s not to say he wasn’t curious - he’d tried to find the new man at the staff meeting on the first day back but he’d been engulfed in the many many members of the maths department and Ben hadn’t been able to see anything of him. And his curiosity didn’t extend to anything other than that and so he focused on the start of the new school year, always important in his role as head of PE as he had to sort out the Academy teams as soon as possible.

The first time he had any inkling that this new head of maths was different to the others was on the Wednesday of the second week, in a lesson with Year 10s. He was looking over the girls netball class, keeping an eye on one of his newer members of staff, when he overheard a conversation. He knew he should stop them immediately but he couldn’t resist and eavesdropped first for a few minutes.  
“He’s sooooo dreamy…..”  
“He should be in a boyband!”  
“He’s so clever!”  
“I think I’m in love! Wonder if he has a girlfriend!”  
At that Ben realised he shouldn’t be allowing this and he cleared his throat loudly and stepped forward. The girls, top set and well behaved, all jumped a mile, looking guilty and starting to go red at being caught. “Shouldn’t you be practising your shooting skills, not discussing your love life?” he asked them dryly, and they scattered, embarrassed. He still couldn’t resist himself, stopping one of them he knew from last year's county winning netball team and asking her, “who were you talking about anyway?”  
She was still red, but admitted it to him. “It’s our new maths teacher, Mr Highway.”

Ben was still thinking about this as he went back to the boys football team - and found they were also discussing the new teacher. He’d expected them to be awful in their opinion - after all, the girls talking like that about someone new was almost normal, but the boys were usually tougher nuts to crack. But no, they were also enthusing about Mr Highway like he was the best thing to have ever happened to the school.  
“His lesson on trigonometry was great man, I really understood it all!”  
“He’s cool, I even think he could get me to actually like maths.”  
“I’ve never had a lesson like that, I did so much work. Can't wait for tomorrow’s lesson either.”  
“Best teacher in the school, I think!”  
Ben shut them up and took over the practice but he was thinking hard. Maybe this new guy was worth taking a look at after all?

There was a heads of department meeting the next week after school but he decided he couldn’t wait, so in his free lesson that day he headed over to the maths department. He had an excuse in mind about finding a kid just in case he got stopped - there was no real reason why he would be in the building, to be honest, he never actually went anywhere other than his own department and maybe Jay’s office if he felt like stealing his biscuits. When he got outside the classroom he’d found belonged to Mr Highway - Callum, his computer had told him - he stopped and pretended to tie up his trainer lace as he peered into the classroom.  
The kids were quiet, working hard, and that was a surprise to him in itself following what had gone on last school year. He didn’t even notice the figure until someone cleared their throat and he found himself looking up at the new guy. And then he stared. Tall, dark haired, big hands, large blue eyes, he was gorgeous. Ben stood up so quickly he almost fell into the doorway. “Can I help you?” The guy - it must have been Callum - enquired and Ben wanted to melt at the sound of his voice too. No wonder the year 10s were so into him.  
“I’m just looking for a kid. They’re in room 12 I think, just had an untied lace.” He tried to sound cool, flashing him a smile. “But maybe finding you was a better option?” Damn his stupid mouth, he realised as his brain caught up with it. Why did he have to go and add something so stupid on the end of a sentence? He wanted to hit his head off the nearest filing cabinet.  
Callum raised an eyebrow, eyes unimpressed and nodded once, “ok, well room 12 is in the other corridor so you’re slightly in the wrong place. I’m Callum Highway by the way, head of maths.”  
“Ben Mitchell, head of PE,” Ben held out his hand and absolutely did not swoon at the brief touch of palms as Callum shook his hand firmly.  
“Yeah, I know,” Callum replied and then left to go back to his class.

Ben got out of there quickly, mind full of thoughts and not of all them repeatable in a school setting. God, what would those hands be able to do to him? Those eyes….. he could fall for those eyes alone. And what had he meant by that final comment? Had he been checking Ben out too? His thoughts raced at a hundred miles an hour and for the first time in what seemed forever, Ben was really looking forward to next week's head of department meeting.

Callum had a plan in place and actually meeting Ben Mitchell face to face was not going to change his mind. No matter that the kids in his class seemed to think really highly of the head of PE, no matter that he had the most fearful reputation around the entire staff and definitely not due to the fact that he was beautiful. Callum had not expected those blue eyes, the sprinkling of freckles, the cute way he’d stumbled over his flirty words and then immediately looked like he was shocked at what he’d said. No, none of that was going to make Callum change his mind.  
When he’d mentioned his plan to the head of English - been as he needed her on side he really had no other option - Tina had looked at him with her mouth open. “You can’t take on Ben Mitchell,” she said confidentially, “what he wants goes.”  
“He hasn’t met me yet, then,” Callum said grimly.

The day of the head of department meeting kept Callum on tenterhooks throughout all his lessons. Luckily, things were going well, his classes seemed nice and the department already seemed calmer so it didn’t matter so much that his head was all over the place. After school finished, he collected Tina and marched her over to the conference suite early despite her protests that “no one really gets there until at least quarter past, we don’t want to seem like keeno’s, Callum!” Getting there early meant he could put them in prime position, opposite the headteacher and deputies. He wanted to make an impression and this was the best place to do it, where they had no choice but to look at him.  
The other heads of department started to slip in and Callum kept half an eye open for Ben. He turned up late, just after the meeting had started, with a boy with ginger hair attached to his side. When he tapped Tina, she told him that he was Jay Brown, head of IT, part of the Mitchell crew. He noticed Ben looking around the table but pretended to not see him, it was for the best considering what he was planning.  
The meeting was boring, most of the HoDs seemingly too scared to say much apart from Ben Mitchell who was always trying to give his opinion. Callum bided his time until the very end and then when the headteacher, Ian, asked if anyone had anything else to say he made his move.  
He held up his hand and then waited for absolute silence before speaking.  
“I want to talk about the practice of removing year 11s from math and English to do PE sessions,” he said. “It’s not going to happen anymore.”  
The silence was shocked. Ian and his deputy, Jack Branning, who had already set his cards out on the table and hadn’t seemed to care about the whole situation, had their mouths slightly open, obviously completely wrong footed by the direction the meeting had taken. They didn’t say anything, and typically it was Ben that responded and it was obvious he was not happy. “What are you saying? We have the best sports teams in London and they need to practice. So it is going to happen.”  
“No,” Callum didn’t even raise his voice and that seemed to make Ben even angrier.  
“You’ve been here for three weeks , Mr Highway. You don’t get to decide what I do with my sports teams!”

Ben was furious. He had never been so angry at another member of staff in his life. And to think he’d come into the meeting, looking forward to seeing Callum again, maybe try to sit next to him, offer him a coffee with a wink... and now this had been sprung on him, like a trap he’d walked into. Jay touched his arm trying to placate him, but he was practically vibrating with anger.  
What made it worse was that Callum stupid Highway was so calm. He gestured towards Ian, the headteacher and Jack, everyone else deathly silent. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you. Walford Academy is not in a great place. Everyone here knows that. We all want what’s best for the kids and the only way to do that is to improve their outcomes. And you have to improve maths and English to do that. If you can get maths and English to national averages then the entire school will follow.”  
He paused, tried to look down the table at Ben in apparent apology but Ben was so livid he glared back, refusing to back down. Highway continued, but Ben wasn’t sure who he was directing his words to anymore. “I know sports and extracurricular stuff are important. I’m not saying to stop anything. But if you want me to get good results and help improve the academy I can’t have kids missing half a lesson a week. It won’t work. So I’m not letting them leave.”  
“Tina?” Ian asked the lady who was sitting next to Highway- Ben presumed she was the head of English but he’d never really had any incentive before to find out. She shot a glance down the table towards Ben. Unlike Highway, she seemed scared of him still, but at a glance from the ridiculous maths traitor, she spoke in a low but firm voice, “I agree with Callum too.”  
Ian looked around at the sea of shocked faces in front of him, then locked guilty eyes with Ben and he just knew then that he was going to cave. “What you say makes a lot of sense Callum, so Ben, I’d like you to no longer take the pupils out of maths and English, find a different plan.”

And that was that, the meeting disbanded and Ben wanted to wait, wait for Highway to turn around so he could shout and scream at him for messing up his teams and causing him all this extra work. But Jay knew him too well and pulled him out of the door straight away. “You’ve gotta calm down before you say something you’ll regret later,” he whispered as they made their way to the IT office, far from prying eyes.  
Ben couldn’t stop himself from glaring at Highway as he left the room, trying to convey with his eyes exactly what he thought of the man, but he still allowed Jay to lead him away, not wanting to embarrass himself anymore. Because that was the main issue - he’d always been the one to make a difference to these kids, the one willing to stand up and make his opinions known to improve their lives and their outcomes and, even if he admitted it himself, he had been able to get away with doing things his way because he was the only one that stood up for them, that was loud enough to make his voice heard. And with that came the reputation and respect from both the pupils and the other staff and Ben needed that - he didn’t want anyone to see he was actually still petrified of messing everything up everyday, he needed school to be different to what was going on in his life outside of the building. But this man had, in one fell swoop, robbed Ben of that security. He was not going to let this lie.


	2. October Part 1

Ben took Jay’s advice and tried to calm himself down, but even after the weekend he was still angry about how he had been treated. Being roasted in front of the rest of the heads of department was embarrassing enough, but to also do it in front of the senior leadership team as well, that was not fair. He was more hurt than he wanted to admit, and that was probably why he came up with a plan to embarrass Highway in return. He had to wait a while, the football team had gotten through to the county finals and he had to put on extra practices, but he found that he was able to sit on the minibus on the day of the final and think of ideas, each more ridiculous than the last. He hoped Highway would cave quickly, realise that he had been in the wrong and apologise, realise that Ben only had the kids best interests at heart too. Highway wasn’t the only one who cared about the outcomes for the pupils at school. After all, Ben had been at the school a long time and had been a pupil there himself. He knew them, knew what sort of life they had and he wanted nothing more than to improve what they had to look forward to in life. That was what hurt, he realised, that Highway had appeared to write him off as a cocksure PE teacher, only interested in sports and having winning teams, not the backbone of mental and social well being that sport provided to these children.

The first stage of the plan started on the Monday morning following the successful final (it had felt so good to be able to announce the kids success at the staff briefing that morning, it was what being a teacher was all about in Ben’s eyes) and it was designed to involve maximum annoyance to everyone in the maths department. He may not have been able to take out the year 11 students from maths and English anymore but he went to the trouble of seeing when all the kids who played sport were in maths and then saw them about team meetings and matches during those lessons only. Not just him, he sent other members of the PE department and kids from his other lessons, so he could still be innocent in how many times he had asked to just speak to a kid and oh gosh, I’m sorry were they in maths again today?  
He’d expected some sort of response, Highway storming into his office, demanding to know what he was playing at and he had all his witty comebacks sorted - it wasn’t like he’d spent a very happy Sunday whilst at his mum’s house for dinner planning all possible things he could say or anything, instead of watching Lexi. But nothing came back from the scheme and Highway wasn’t seen anyway near the PE block, much to Ben’s disappointment.  
Second stage initiated later that week, as the weather was still nice, Ben moved all his lessons to the field area just outside Highway’s classroom and proceeded to allow his classes to be as obnoxiously loud as they possibly could. He knew the windows to the class were open and there was no way this wasn’t disturbing the lesson. But yet again, nothing, no glaring out of the windows, no storming outside to scream at him to stop, no recognition at all. In fact, once the PE lesson had ended and Ben was loitering picking up all the equipment - he’d had to send the eager kids back to get changed, it wasn’t like this was the first time he’d collected in footballs himself instead of getting them to do it (although he could admit that was a lie, normally he’d not lift a finger during clear up time, getting the kids to do all the work. It taught them a valuable lesson about keeping things tidy, after all) - he could hear low voices, laughter and calm questions being asked inside the room. It was like he’d never been there.  
Ben stepped up his campaign the following week, this time sneakily trying to involve the kids. He waited until break duty, where he found a group of the most popular kids. Casually, as he walked past with the boring teacher he was on duty with whose name he didn’t even want to know, he dropped out, loud enough for them to hear but not loud enough that he could be blamed for anything, “that new guy, Mr Highway, I heard he’s a top bingo caller in his spare time. Got loads of those dabber things in his cupboards you know.”  
The other teacher gave him the strangest of looks, but Ben noticed the kids listening and then giggling like crazy.  
By the end of the day, it was all over school, he heard kids discussing it at lunch and in lessons. But surprisingly, it seemed Highway had found it funny and had played along, doing a special bingo session in his afternoon lessons and not even batting an eyelid when a group of kids had tried to break into his cupboard to find the mystical bingo dabbers.

It made Ben’s teeth set on edge - why did it not bother Highway at all? Why wasn’t he demanding Ben stop playing with him and leave him alone? Even when they passed each other at staff briefing mornings, he would simply smile and nod politely and then sit in between his humongous department looking smug (well, to Ben’s eyes at least but it wasn’t like he spent all of the briefings (staring) glaring at the back of his head). Jay warned him, told him to stop playing the fool, told him that eventually he’d have to come to terms with it, but Ben didn’t want to admit that Highway had actually got to him because that would mean he was interesting and had more of a backbone than anyone else had in the school.

Callum knew Ben Mitchell was playing with him, Tina had warned him as soon as they had left that fated meeting. But Callum was made of sterner stuff than he thought anyone would give him credit for and he was not going to back down without a fight. He bit back any sarcastic comments when kids got pulled out of maths lessons for no real reason, when his lessons had been totally disrupted by rowdy PE lessons (how did the kids actually do anything worthwhile when they made so much noise?) and portrayed an air of calmness and serenity. He knew this annoyed Mitchell more than anything else would, that he was after some sort of reaction and Callum wanted to show he was above any petty, school-like retaliation. He did have to rethink his strategy however, at the next thing Mitchell did, when some of his year 8’s had turned around with big innocent eyes and asked him about his job at weekends in the bingo hall. He didn’t react in front of the kids, rather he agreed with them, threw out as many bingo related jokes as he could hastily search for whilst calling the register and set up bingo maths games for all his classes. It was only once they’d gone that he sat down at his desk and allowed himself to properly laugh for the first time since he had started at Walford. He guessed he owed Mitchell that much at least, he had an interesting, even if slightly weird, sense of humour.  
He was settling in well at Walford Academy, he liked the kids a lot, his department were warming to him as they realised just what good his changes had done already and he had been invited by Whitney the music teacher to Friday Pub Club. He had declined that invitation, not sure at the moment whether or not he wanted to be part of that scene as head of a core subject and senior leader wannabe. So all he had to look forward to at the moment were weekends of planning and marking and catching up on TV shows. He didn't know anyone in this area and he had no real idea of how to meet new people when he didn’t actually really want to go out. That was why when an email popped up over the weekend begging for a member of staff to help out at canoe club the following Friday he replied before he had time to think or properly read the email.  
It was only when he was in his office the following week trying to get his head around just how the previous head of department had managed to organise the worst trip to New York before buggering off and leaving him with this god awful mess to sort out, when the reply pinged up and he realised he had just volunteered to help out Jay Brown's club. The Jay Brown who was best friends with Ben Mitchell, who had made his feelings towards Callum perfectly clear. But he gathered no one else had volunteered for three hours of fun on a Friday night on the local canal with a group of teenagers and Jay obviously had had no option but to agree to him helping out. 

Callum actually was looking forward to Friday, he’d spent his free time that week emailing Jay asking for details about what he’d need to wear and bring and how they were getting to the canal. So once the pupils had left for the weekend he packed up his boxes of marking and got changed into those awful shorts that would still be waterproof but were not skin tight enough to embarrass himself in front of the kids, and a T-shirt and then drove the short way to the canal entrance. It was in a local primary school and they stored canoes and kayaks there as well. Jay was already waiting there with a group of really excited children and he waved when he saw Callum get out of his car. “Thanks for this, mate,” he said warmly, “if I didn’t have three members of staff this couldn’t happen and I’d hate to let these lot down.”  
Callum liked him immediately, it was clear he wanted the very best for this group of kids, and that was something Callum already could relate to. The kids were pleased to see him too, chatting away at a mile a minute, and between them all they got their buoyancy aids on and the boats out before Jay did a small tutorial. It was then that Callum actually thought about what Jay had said earlier. “Three staff?” He queried as they were waiting by a canoe (Jay had told him it was easier in one of those for his first session and he would steer, Callum only had to be the engine)  
“Yeah. He’s just turned up,” Jay seemed nervous and as Callum turned he realised exactly why. He averted his gaze as no other than Ben Mitchell sauntered across the field to where they’d lined up the canoes and kayaks. He tried not to notice the way his T-shirt accentuated his shoulders and the way his calves looked and instead forced himself to remember why Mitchell hated him. Jay was waving, the kids were hollering at the head of PE and Callum guessed that was why he’d been asked to come later, because now there was no chance of either of them backing out of this. 

Ben always helped his brother out at canoe club, no matter the weather or the kids, but as he came across the field today was the first time he almost turned back. Standing there, in between his traitorous brother and a bunch of ridiculously excited kids was no other than Callum Highway. No wonder Jay had been cagey all week about which poor sod had volunteered to help out, he’d obviously known that Ben would have flat out refused to attend if he’d known. And now there was no turning back and it was clear Highway had realised that too if the tense stance he’d adopted was any indication of his thoughts. Ben deliberately ignored how this was the first time he’d seen Highway in non teacher clothes, how his shorts hugged his thighs and arse perfectly, how the T-shirt he was wearing just sat across his chest and he glared at Jay during the entire walk over.

Callum waited until they were on the canal before bringing the subject up with Jay. “Should I go?” he asked nervously.  
“Nah. Look, Ben’s bark is worse than his bite. Just try not to antagonise him any more please,” was all Jay said before instructing Callum to paddle and not think about anything else.  
It was relaxing, being out on the water as long as he could ignore the shopping trolleys and empty alcohol bottles floating around him. Mitchell had zoomed off in a kayak with some of the more confident kids and so Callum was left paddling with Jay and a bunch of pupils who needed more support, listening to Jay being supportive and caring towards them and in gaps, asking Callum questions about his previous job and his personal life. Callum dodged as many of them as possible, not wanting to admit all he had to look forward to this week was maybe a phone call off his brother Stuart if he was lucky and a takeaway to celebrate Saturday night, but returned the favour, asking Jay as many questions as he could. He found out a lot, Jay was one to talk about his family with pride. He was brothers with Mitchell, although through adoption not blood relation, he was going out with a lovely girl called Lola who also had a child with Mitchell, although he also implied heavily that Mitchell was gay and Callum didn’t know whether to ask more questions or leave that topic well alone, he didn’t want to seem too interested after all. The four of them shared a flat in the city and spent most weekends visiting their families so Lexi (the little girl, Callum gathered in a bit of a daze) could see both sets of grandparents. By the time they rejoined the other half of the group in a junction area, Callum’s head was spinning a little. Mitchell had set up some games for the kids to play and he was gently guiding the less confident kayakers through how to steer and go backwards. He never once looked over to the canoe Callum sat in, which suited him fine as he could spend his time puzzling over the man. He was an enigma to Callum, brash, obviously wanting to rile Callum up no end, but kind, considerate, sweet with the kids around him. For the first time since starting at Walford, Callum had found something he actually liked and respected about Ben Mitchell.

Highway was watching him. Ben could feel his eyes on him as he tutored the kids through how to do the slalom course he’d just set up for them. He bit his tongue, now was not the time to say something, and focused his attention on helping out anyone that needed it. By the time the game was over and they were starting to collect the floats to get back to the jetty, he felt hot and bothered by the gaze that hadn’t really faltered the entire time. For the first instance since they’d joined up, he turned and stared back at Highway. He was expecting a glare, a sneer, even a shake of the head, but instead found those blue eyes he still couldn’t get out of his head were regarding him with puzzlement and…. no, it couldn’t be respect, not from Highway.

However, he found himself paddling back to the jetty next to their canoe, only to talk to Jay about their weekend plans at the pub and this Sunday at Lola’s Pops for lunch and not to scrutinise the back of Highway’s head at all. But in the end he couldn’t resist calling forwards, “what are you up to this weekend anyway? Gonna Pythagorise all your furniture?”  
He almost fell into the canal when Highway half turned around and called over his shoulder, “no, I’ve got no time, what with my second job. See, I’m calling bingo all weekend.”  
Despite himself, Ben couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, trying to remind himself how awful the man had been to him. But for the first time since that stupid meeting, he realised Callum Highway was not only attractive looks wise, but if he was able to give him a chance, to get over what had happened before, he’d be Ben’s type through and through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems this is going to actually be a fluffy mess to compensate for the rather more angsty work in progress....  
> The rating will change up in later chapters I think, just as a warning.


	3. October Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum and Ben sort things out...

Jay popped into the maths department and found Callum pouring over the A Level students dreadful mock exam papers, trying his very best to see how he was going to get them to improve their grades by June. “How’s things going?” Jay asked, perching on the end of the desk.

Callum didn’t want to burden Jay with his many problems relating to lazy students who wanted everything done for them, so he shuffled his plans to one side and fixed his eyes on the person who was probably closest to a friend at school. “Nothing much, what’s up with you?”

“Why should there be something up with me?” Jay enquired, which made Callum laugh.

“You’re here in the maths department where I’ve never seen you before,” he pointed out. “And you’re also really twitchy when you’re nervous.”

Jay clapped a hand to his jiggling knee, looking affronted. “I am not twitchy,” he protested, but as Callum leaned back in his chair and fixed him with a cool gaze, he relented, “I may have a small favour to ask you.”

“Right. What?”

“I have a canoe club trip to Lake Bala planned. I wondered if you’d like to come and help out? We’ll be whitewater rafting , staying at a fixed campsite then kayaking on the lake the next day. My Lola and Lexi are coming, and so is Ben.”

Callum thought about it for a while. Ben Mitchell was at least polite to him now, but they weren’t friends by any stretch of the imagination. However the lure of spending a weekend away from London doing something other than marking and sitting in his boxers watching reruns of Doctor Who was too tempting. “Yeah, ok, when is it?”

“End of October half term, thanks mate, I’ll send you the details through.” Jay bestowed him with a grin and as he left the office he casually threw back over his shoulder, “by the way, you’ll have to share a tent with Ben, hope that’s ok!”

Callum half rose from his chair but Jay had scarperd quickly, obviously so he couldn’t change his mind. Callum put his head in his hands as he sat back down. He guessed he would have to actually talk to  Ben Mitchell if they were going to be sharing on the trip, and this week's canoe club was possibly his best bet.

  
  


Ben was travelling to canoe club on the bus again, now Jay had stopped hiding things from him. But this Friday he was back to being twitchy and hadn’t stopped sneaking looks over at Ben and so eventually he crumpled up his crisp packet and demanded, “what on earth is up with you, bruv?”

Jay coughed and had the decency to look ashamed, “I’ve asked Callum to help on the trip to Lake Bala. What?” He turned around, hands in the air and only the squawking of the kids (not Ben, of course he wouldn’t make that sort of sound) made him grab the wheel again. “He’s good at canoeing, he’s good with the kids, I like him.”

“I said nothing,” Ben protested, but as Jay turned his full attention back to the road, he leaned his head against the window. They’d come to some sort of civility, him and the head of mathematics, but they weren’t exactly friendly yet and the idea of spending a weekend with him, integrating himself with his brother and Lola and his daughter because he was so charming (not that Ben had noticed that, of course) did not exactly fill him with happiness. 

“You didn’t have to say anything,” Jay told him quietly. “I need another member of staff, you know that, or else I’d have no choice but to cancel the trip. I can’t do that, so it has to be him. Give him a chance, Ben, I know you got off on the wrong foot, but he’s a nice guy.”

  
So when they got to the jetty and started sorting out the boats, Ben approached the tall man and gestured towards one of the canoes, “you want to go out together?” 

Callum -Highway he chastised himself - laughed at that, eyes crinkling up adoringly and Ben immediately turned abrupt, he did not want to think that  Callum Highway was adorable at all. “I meant in a canoe, obviously,” he snapped.

Callum Highway just smiled at him, “of course, I knew that,” he said easily, and turned to a nearby kid to get them to carry the boat down to the jetty.

They were paddling serenely along the canal and Ben was trying to work out just what sort of things you should say to someone that you didn't really talk to, had to be polite to but knew nothing about when  Callum \- Highway - cleared his throat.

“I want to apologise to you, for the awful way I treated you at the start of the year. I’m really, truly sorry,” he said. Ben was flabbergasted, no one ever seemed to care enough about him and his feelings to apologise, neither staff at school nor his father. He tried to think of a reply but Callum had continued on, trying to explain himself. “It’s no excuse, I know, but I was so scared. My first day here, with all new people, it was like I was pretending to be something I’m not. The only thing I knew was that these kids, they’re amazing and they deserve the world. I wanted them to like maths and get good qualifications so they could go and do something with their lives and I also wanted my department to like me and want to work with me, not against me. So when they said about the kids missing lessons for PE I just reacted, I never thought about what was the best way to go about dealing with it.”   
“You could have just come and spoken to me about it,” Ben tried not to sound like he was whining but he was so shocked he almost forgot to paddle and had to do an emergency turn to stop the canoe from ploughing into the overhanging trees on the bank and taking Callum out. 

“Yeah, I know, I should have done so. Everyone just told me that you wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t even consider helping me and I believed them. I shouldn’t have, I should have spoken to you first, you’re right. I’m so sorry about that too. I was an idiot.”

Ben considered the back of Callum’s head, he just knew it was a proper apology, that Callum really felt bad about what had happened and he had had enough of arguing with the man. This was the first time someone had said sorry and meant it and it filled Ben’s chest with a warm feeling. “That’s OK, I guess I do have a reputation. But thank you for apologising, that means a lot,” he paused, sucked in a breath. He had to ask, “did you really mean that? About the kids I mean?”

“Yeah I did. They’re incredible here. They have so much to deal with at home, you know, and I just want them to know that someone believes in them, that I believe in them and what they can do if they put their minds to it.”

Callum probably didn't know how much that meant to Ben - he had been one of those kids, at Walford School as it was then, who had gone up through the system, never really believing he could do much and scared of his dad, his future, his life. It was that, that belief, that need to allow the kids like him to improve and be the best they could, that made his mind up that he wanted to be friends with Callum. “I’m sorry too, for the things I did to you.”

Callum laughed at that, a loud hearty laugh that made Ben grin even though it couldn't be seen. “No, please don’t apologise, I never had so much fun with the kids as I did the day they thought I was a bingo caller!” He paused, stopped paddling and then held his paddle out backwards like it was an extension of his arm. “You wanna start over again? I’m Callum Highway, big feet that I often put in my own mouth, bingo caller extraordinaire.”

Ben laughed for the first time that afternoon, the warm feeling from his chest starting to settle all over him. He grabbed the paddle and shook it. “Ben Mitchell, wind up merchant, pleased to meet you.”

  
  


The Bala trip was due to happen the last weekend in October, at the end of the half term holiday. Things had changed dramatically between Ben and Callum after that canal heart to heart. Now Callum was getting used to the other side of Ben, the one that winked at him in staff briefings, that saved him a seat at meetings, that sent him emails at random times of the day about kids, complaining about staff, celebrity crushes. It was a little overwhelming but in a good way, Callum reflected.

It was also obvious to both staff and students alike. Callum still remembered Tina's response when the week after the Canal Chat they had walked over to the staff canteen to get lunch (although Callum was actually after bribes for his year 13 class). Ben had been teaching a class on the tennis courts as they walked past and he’d waved cheerfully at Callum. Tina had sent him a sideways look which he had steadfastly ignored. But it had been on the way back to maths, when Callum had his arms full of chocolate bars and Ben had hollered at him and then ran to the courts fence for a chat and a pointed comment about how much chocolate one person actually needed no matter how tall he was and Callum had ended the conversation by thrusting a mars bar into Ben’s mouth before laughing and leaving whilst he spluttered behind him, that Tina had turned around and just stared at him like he’d grown an extra head.

The following week Ben had sent him an email asking if anyone in his  **massive** department (“maths teachers are like rabbits, Callum, give ‘em an inch and they’ll multiply like crazy!”) had cheerleader pom-poms and at the Friday briefing when canoe club trip was mentioned, he’d convinced Callum to stand up with himself and Jay to cheer loudly, waving the pom-poms around like they were proper cheerleaders.

Callum didn’t know exactly what he’d said to change Ben’s mind on their friendship, but it was quickly becoming the highlight of his day if an email popped up. He’d not imagined a month ago that this would happen, but Ben was becoming one of his favourite people and not just whilst he was at school.

  
  


Ben had never met a teacher like Callum before, geeky, sweet, funny, fiery and now he understood where the other man was coming from and he’d been able to get over their first meeting, he was rapidly becoming enamoured with him. He tried to hold back, to play it cool, but the highlight of his day was thinking of a suitably flirty email to send and then waiting for the embarrassed reply, imagining how Callum’s cheeks and ears would turn pink from heat.

He remembered the day he’d first seen that happen, the day he realised he wanted to see the heated flush rising on the older man's face all the time. Now they were getting friendly, it was OK to pop to see him and he’d headed into the maths department, to check if Callum had suitable clothes for the Bala weekend as every time he saw him he didn’t seem to wear a coat and it was now getting chilly outside. He’d hung around outside the classroom door, waiting for a suitable time to go in, when instead of talking about angles or equations, he heard Callum declaring, “what kind of cheese do you use to hide a horse?” There’d obviously been no answer from the bemused class he was teaching and so he’d proclaimed with a happy lilt to his voice that implied he was so pleased with himself, “mascarpone!”

Ben had fallen into the classroom in fits of laughter, not at the awful joke but at the startled looks on the kids faces, the way they dropped their heads into their hands in disbelief at what had just happened and the complete lack of response to the ‘joke’. “Mr Highway,” he’d wheezed. “What on earth do you call that?”

Callum had looked at him, all big doe eyes and injured looks, a red flush starting to rise on his face and ears. “Mr Mitchell, it’s not my fault you don’t appreciate the subtleness of my humour,” he deadpanned back at a still laughing Ben.

“Your jokes are so cheesy, I Camembert it,” Ben had managed to get out before Callum threw him out of his classroom, but his eyes had been soft and amused and his cheeks still that delightful pink and Ben couldn’t find it in his heart to be upset.

And if he was looking forward to the weekend away to Lake Bala, well, no one else needed to know that, did they?


	4. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the Lake Bala trip!

It was finally the Saturday of the trip and it was extremely early. Ben had grumbled about the time for what felt like ages, since he’d been woken up by excited blonde hair jumping on him and screeching loudly. Lexi was so excited about the weekend away that they had only just been able to feed her breakfast before she was waiting by the door, little backpack in hand. So they had all left too early and at 7am were pulling into Walford Academy’s carpark, they’d left Lola and Lexi guarding the car and then had taken the school minibus to pick up the kayaks and canoes. By the time they got back to school it was still ridiculously early and Ben had spent the entire trip complaining and yawning but he perked up no end when he saw the familiar silver car now also parked at school and the tall man that was chatting to Lola and Lexi. He ignored the laughter from Jay and bounded out of the bus, noticing how Callum’s eyes lit up as he waved hello to the two men. Lola was smiling knowingly at him and Lexi was jumping up and down, her words falling out of her mouth so fast that Ben almost couldn’t keep up with them. “Callum says I can go in a canoe with him and you tomorrow, Daddy!”

“Is that right, pumpkin?” he said, grabbing her as she flung herself at him and picking her up and swinging her around. He noticed Callum’s eyes tracking them, watching him, but didn’t want to say or do anything that would rock the boat they were currently on. Instead he released Lexi, letting her claim her favourite seat in the minibus and then joined Lola and Callum. “Nice to see you bright and early, mate,” he said to Callum.

“Much too early on a Saturday for me,” Callum replied, stretching his arms above his head and Ben definitely did not notice the small sliver of skin that showed at his waistline. “You OK, you look tired?”

“Nah, I’m wide awake and raring to go,” Ben ignored the splutter of laughter from Lola. “Made sure I got my beauty sleep last night, if you know what I mean?” he winked at Callum.

Callum liked Lexi and Lola immediately. He could tell that Ben idolised his small daughter and he could see why the minute he met her, sassy, funny, cute, she was like a miniature Ben. It helped that both of them were at ease with him straight away, making him feel welcome and not socially awkward like he had been imagining over the half term holiday. He’d missed school, missed interactions with the kids and staff and having to worry about spending a weekend with people he didn’t really know had made him a little anxious, so anxious in fact that he now had a completely spotless, sterilized flat, a 2 year mastery plan for years 7 and 8 that was fully resourced and a plan of action for improving both year 11 and year 13 grades. But as he settled into the back of the minibus, Lexi claiming the seat next to him loudly and Lola sitting in front of them, the other kids clambering in wherever they could, he felt happy and relaxed. Ben was sitting in the front, next to Jay, in charge of maps and the radio, he’d proclaimed as he claimed the front seat, causing Lola to groan and lean towards Callum, “we’ll end up in Scotland not Wales if Ben’s navigating,” she whispered conspiratorially.

The kids were quiet to start off with as it was early on a Saturday morning, and Lexi herself fell asleep tucked into Callum’s side, filling him with a warmth that he had never felt before as he gazed down at the blonde head against him. One of the pupils, Oliver from his year 12 A Level class, tapped him on the shoulder as they reached the Midlands and as he turned around carefully, wary of the small girl still asleep, Oliver handed him his A Level textbook and asked for some help on the topic he was working on. The two of them spent a happy half an hour discussing how to find the tangent to a circle on a graph and when he turned back around, Ben was half twisted around in his seat, facing Lola, both of them shaking their heads at him and grinning widely. “I can’t believe you’ve just made a kid do maths work on a school trip!” Ben told him, mock seriously. 

“Olly asked me!” Callum protested, but he couldn't stop the smile from growing on his face as he looked over at Ben. He tried to dissipate the feeling that was starting to bubble up in his chest by asking Lola about their half term activities, which soon turned into an entire bus load of stories and anecdotes and finished with Ben directing a loud sing a long from the Greatest Showman.

They dropped off the canoes and their bags at the campsite and then headed off to the whitewater rafting centre. Ben was now sitting in the back, with Lexi in between himself and Lola, and Callum had called shotgun and was riding next to Jay, listening to the chatter in the minibus behind him whilst he tried to recalibrate himself ready for the unknown adventure ahead. Jay had tried to talk to him, but had soon given up when Callum only responded in one word answers, preferring to gaze out of the window at the Welsh countryside. When they got out at the centre however, he felt Ben hovering by his elbow and when he turned to him, he could see that his nervousness had not gone unnoticed by one member of the squad at least. “You alright?” Ben asked him, softly so that no one else noticed the conversation.

“Just a bit nervous about this, I’ve never done it before,” Callum admitted in the same soft tone.

“It’s fine, perfectly safe or else Jay wouldn’t have been allowed to bring ‘em here. We can go in the same boat if you like, then I can keep an eye on you,” he raised his eyebrows suggestively, but then laughed as Callum was sure he was blushing yet again. 

Callum hid the nerves well, Ben thought, as he surveyed the man next to him, both of them leaning on the fence at the whitewater rafting centre, watching some rafts come cascading down the rapids, but it was so clear to him that he was feeling apprehensive about the activity. He was quiet, biting his lips and his thumb, fiddling with his jacket collar. Ben knew enough about him by now to know these were his signs of anxiety, he saw them enough times when they were in high stakes meetings. But he also knew that although nervous, Callum was so good at working through it, hiding it to everyone but those that knew him well enough, that when it came to it he would just sail through the storm without even asking for help. And, Ben had realised over the past few weeks, he wanted to be the one that gave help when it was needed, wanted to be the one that Callum would come to and talk to, wanted to be his friend (wanted to be more to be honest, but that would never happen, he was sure Callum was not in the slightest bit interested in anything other than friendship, but he was happy for just that at this moment in time). For now, he settled on handing over a cup of sweet tea that he still couldn't believe Callum liked and letting Lexi distract them both from what was to come. Lexi had taken to Callum like nothing else, wanting to sit next to him, to chat to him about what she was doing at school and at home and asking to be in the same boat as him. Callum was so good with her in return, interested in what she was saying, listening and asking questions, in fact, it was so sweet, it almost made Ben swoon. It also made him imagine just what things could be like in the future if Callum was interested in him.

He made sure he was in the same boat as Callum, with Lexi also clinging to his hand and the kids splitting up equally between the two boats they had allocated. They then had to change into their equipment before the safety briefing and he definitely did not notice how Callum looked in a wetsuit, tight lycra clinging perfectly to his arms, chest, thighs, arse, distracting him from the safety talk he was supposed to be listening to.

Their first run down was incredible, exhilarating. They sat on the side of the raft, he was partnered with Callum at the back, whooping and hollering with joy as they sped down the rapids, drenched but sharing something so intense and wonderful that it caught him right in the chest. The second run he was at the front, again with Callum, when they hit a rapid at a funny angle and before he could even think, Ben was flung out of the raft and into the river.

Dimly he could hear Lexi screaming, someone shouting “man overboard!” as he tried to centre himself and kick upwards to the surface. He did not want anything to happen here, on a school trip, with his daughter watching. But he couldn’t seem to find the surface and his lungs were starting to hurt and... 

And then he felt large hands grab the shoulders of his life vest and yank and the next thing he knew he was sprawled half over the raft edge, Callum’s fingers still entwined in the straps, braced on the side of the raft as he helped Ben scramble back in. There was no time to say or do anything, they’d swung the raft around after him, Ben presumed, and the guide picked his paddle up out of the water and it was passed to him and then they were off again before his brain had time to catch up to anything. It was only when they had finished and Lexi flung herself at him, arms tight around his waist and face pushed into his stomach that he let himself look over at Callum, wonder in his eyes.

He slid his arm around Lexi and made his way over to the man who was trying to avoid his stare, obviously embarrassed by the whole thing. “Thank you,” Ben breathed as they got closer together. “You rescued me.”

“I only did what we were told to do in the briefing,” Callum tried to explain but his smile was pleased, warm, fond, and Ben couldn’t say he hadn’t heard a single word of the safety talk earlier because he’d been too busy staring at the elder mans lycra clad arse to understand what he was going on about. “But I was happy to save you.”

Ben felt his face break into a genuine smile, had to look away to hide what surely must be written over his face and thankfully they both were distracted by Jay and Lola’s return as Lexi had to tell them about “daddy’s accident and Callum’s brave rescue.”

There had been a definite shift between them since Ben had fallen into the river, Callum reflected as they sat around the fire that night in camp toasting marshmallows carefully. He knew there was no real danger, but the way Lexi had screamed and Ben had floundered around for what felt like ages in the fast moving water had scared him senseless and he’d acted on instinct based on the safety talk when he’d grabbed him and pulled him back into the raft. He’d felt his heart race seeing Ben fall in and it hadn’t really stopped since.

Ben was softer, warmer towards him, involving him in all jokes and chatter, watching him with crystal blue eyes from across the fire. It was like the last barrier between them from the start of the school year had broken down and suddenly, finally, they were proper friends. It made him warm from the toes upwards, and made him ridiculously happy.

Another consequence of his rescue was that Lexi now thought he was a hero, Superman she’d called him. She had insisted on sitting next to him, despite the gentle teasing from both her father and the older kids who couldn’t get over what they’d seen on the river and now she'd fallen asleep, cuddled into his side. It felt like he was welcomed here, like he belonged and as he looked up over the fire to where Ben sat next to Lola and Jay, all three watching him with their little girl, the fire casting soft golden glows over their faces, he could see the same thoughts flickering over their faces. He was happy, so happy.

Eventually Jay sent the kids to their tents and he and Lola picked Lexi up from his side. Lola dropped a soft kiss onto his cheek and whispered good night to him and then he and Ben were left alone, fire dying down but the warmth still deep inside him.

Ben moved around the fire so they were sitting next to each other, offered Callum another marshmallow and they sat in silence for a while, comfortable in the stillness.

“Lexi’s wonderful,” Callum offered eventually, sneaking a glance over at Ben, definitely not noticing how the pale glow from the dying fire lit golden highlights in his hair, on his cheekbones, in his eyes.

“Yeah, she is,” Ben agreed, leaning back a little, voice warm with pride. “Lola did a great job raising her.” He turned and looked fully at Callum, a rueful smile on his face. “I wasn’t around much when she was younger, she wasn’t planned, you see. More of the fact that I slept with Lola as a last ditch attempt to prove I was straight and all it did was make me realise that I was so not. Lexi was the best thing that came out of all that, but it scared me, having a kid when it was the last thing I thought I wanted, so I didn’t do much, left it all to Lola. And then I came to my senses and realised she was amazing and I’m so thankful that Lo and Jay let me be such a massive part of her life again.”

“She adores you.”

“Who doesn’t! I mean, look at this,” Ben joked, nudging Callum’s arm. He chuckled, shaking his head fondly at the younger man next to him. Ben grinned back at him, still regarding him with a steady gaze. “What about you? Any kids?”

“Nah, just me at the moment. At least I don’t have to fight over which TV shows to watch.”

Ben was still looking at him, eyes unreadable in the dim light, the firelight making him glow ethereally in Callum’s thoughts. “Well, if you get lonely anytime, feel free to come and hang out at our mad house. You are a hero, after all, you saved my life!” 

“I just did what I was told to do,” Callum protested, but couldn't stop the feeling inside from bursting into life at the idea of spending more time with Lexi, with Lola and Jay, with Ben.

“You’re still my hero. I’ll have to think of a way to repay you,” Ben’s tone was light and Callum couldn’t stop himself from picking up on an underlying flirty tone - or maybe that was just wishful thinking. He swallowed and tried to ignore the tugging that was starting deep in his stomach. 

“Chocolate is good,” he offered, and it did not make his heart beat faster when Ben laughed at that and nudged his arm again.


	5. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the staff Christmas party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s some description of homophobic language and incidents towards Callum in this chapter, from when Callum goes outside and Ben follows him. These aren’t my views - just Jonno’s!  
> Also I know I’m playing around with what would actually happen at school, but it works better for the story, so if you’re a teacher, please just squint! I do have to add I am a teacher myself so I’m well aware of how much leeway I’ve afforded it in this story!!  
> ive also played around a little with the Chris storyline for later on.

Nights were drawing in which meant they both started and left school in the dark, and Ben’s mood matched this. The kids were getting annoyingly excited about Christmas already and although he was no Scrooge, he did not want to be talking about what presents Santa would be leaving under the tree from the first week in December. Walford Academy had put their Christmas tree up already, were planning a staff nativity play (Callum and Jay had actually come over to PE one day for lunch and asked him to take part, before collapsing into giggles as he’d stuttered out an excuse that did not make him sound totally like the grinch), and had set up sparkly post boxes for pupils to post each other Christmas cards.

“I think it’s cute,” Callum had said in the first Friday pub club of December, as it was now too cold for canoe club, they’d moved indoors and Callum had left his maths chums alone to join Ben and Jay. It may or may not have made the dull December days better to see his million watt smile coming over in the pub, but there was no way Ben was going to admit anything, even to himself. He wanted to laugh at him, tell him he was silly to find something so sickeningly cute, but it was Callum and somewhere during the last month, Ben had lost all sense when it came to the head of mathematics. Not that Callum was in any way aware of it, he spent just as much time chatting to his maths friends, the senior team and that damn music teacher Whitney and her sister as he did with Ben and Jay, but Ben was always aware of where he was in school and in the pub and it was starting to drive him crazy. He couldn’t go out on the pull without trying to find someone like Callum but they inevitably fell short and he couldn't bring himself to sleep with them just for the sake of it anymore. Somehow, with his niceness and sweetness and gentleness and oh so cute nerdiness and beautifulness, Callum Highway had firmly placed himself in his head and would not leave him alone.

There were two things keeping him going - the Christmas holidays were almost here and he would have two weeks off school with Lexi, and the staff Christmas party the week they broke up. The three of them had made plans to go together with Lola as a plus one and Ben was looking forward to it more than he would admit.

The last week before Christmas was a mess of kids wanting to watch films instead of working and when he pointed out this was a PE lesson and there wasn’t even a board to project on, he somehow got roped into letting his classes play a Christmas version of dodgeball, full of rules they randomly made up. It kept them occupied and happy though and meant he could finish the school year with his coolest teacher reputation intact.

The school broke up on the Thursday before Christmas and the staff party was that same night. Lexi excitedly helped them get dressed up, wanting to put glitter on Ben’s cheeks - “it’ll make you sparkle like a unicorn Daddy!” - and squealing at Lola’s new dress. Ben’s mum was staying the night to look after her and that made her even more excited, he couldn’t imagine how long it would take for her to go to sleep once they’d gone. He checked himself out in the mirror more times than necessary, wanting to look good, wearing his best shirt that he knew showed off his physique perfectly and dark jeans. 

They were getting a taxi there and had offered to swing by Callum’s to pick him up as he would otherwise be travelling alone. When they got there, he was already waiting, sitting on the low walk at the edge of the pathway. Ben felt his breath catch in his throat as Callum waved and folded his tall frame into the front seat, happiness radiating from every pore of his being. He was wearing skinny jeans and a dark shirt with a fine line running through the thread, and as he turned around and fixed them all with that blinding grin, he held up the Santa hat he was holding. “Drunkest person wears it?” he suggested, with the most adorable non-wink Ben had ever seen. 

They found a table at the back of the room, out of the way of most people, where they could sit, drink and chat, starting with pints and wine and ending up on shots. Lola had slammed the hat onto her head at around 9 o'clock, and then had dragged Callum to the dance floor, proclaiming that she just had to dance to this track and Jay was so boring it was pointless even asking him. Callum had fixed both Ben and Jay with a puppy-dog look as Lola grabbed his hand, pleading for help, but they both laughed and gestured towards the dance floor with their glasses as he was led away. The betrayed look he shot in Ben’s direction made him laugh even harder.

Lola made her way back to the table after the song had finished, staggering slightly as she came over and there was no sign of Callum. “He’s gone for more drinks,” she told them.

“I don't think you need anymore, babe,” Jay told her, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. 

Ben let his eyes drift around the room until he found Callum, standing at the bar and then watched him surreptitiously over the rim of his bottle of beer. Callum was relaxed, shoulders loose and light and it was so nice to see him like this. Ben was debating whether to go over and help with the drinks when Whitney Dean beat him to it, sidling up close next to Callum and touching his arm. Ben narrowed his eyes as he watched Whitney slide her hand up Callum’s arm to his shoulder,as Callum shrugged it off and tried to turn back around to the bar. He almost couldn't watch as Whitney leaned in even closer, saying something that made Callum turn around so they were face to face and then she leant forwards into Callum’s personal space.

Before she even got close to him, Callum reacted immediately, jumping backwards, hands in the air, gesticulating something wildly towards the music teacher. Ben couldn’t get a read on what was happening, at least, until Callum shook his head at Whitney and then pushed past her and vanished into the crowd, heading towards the door. Ben didn’t have to think about it, he grabbed the rest of his bottle of beer and made his way through the melee too, following where Callum had run.

He found him, sitting outside on the floor, long legs spread out in front of him, head in his hands, and it made Ben’s heart ache to see him upset like this. He said nothing, but slid to the floor next to him, nudged his elbow and then when Callum lifted his head, silently offered him a swig of his beer. 

“You OK?” he asked eventually, letting his foot rest next to Callum’s, toes just touching. 

“Yeah, just needed some fresh air,” Callum said

Ben snorted at that, “right, not to get away from Whit or anything.”

Callum was still holding the bottle, picking the label off from the corners and Ben had to resist the urge to grab his fingers to help with the anxiety radiating off the older man. Callum was still and quiet and so Ben reigned in his normally talkative self and waited patiently. Eventually Callum looked over at him, through ridiculously long eyelashes. “Whit’s lovely, but she’s not my type.”

“She’s sweet, funny, pretty, you must be waiting on perfection mate,” Ben tried to keep his tone light, but must have failed as Callum glared at him.

“You go out with her then,” he snapped.

“Well, she’s definitely not my type, doesn’t have the right equipment,” Ben joked and at least that got a huff of a laugh from Callum. He was quiet for a few minutes, still picking at the label on the beer, eyes dropping to the floor. Ben wasn’t sure if he should stay or go when Callum spoke again, in a quiet voice.

“I envy you, you know.”

“What? Why?”

“You have this amazing family who adore you, Jay, Lola, Lexi, your mom and brother, I know you complain about them but they’d do anything for you and you’re so lucky, I don’t think you realise how much. I mean I know bits about your dad but him aside, you have so many people that care about you and that supported you when you told them you were gay.” He paused, dragged a hand across his eyes. “I haven’t spoken to my father for years and only just started to talk to my brother a few years ago. It’s a work in progress, me and Stu.”

Ben was about to say something, sure the shock, sorrow at the matter of fact statement was on his face but Callum looked fully at him and Ben realised he’d misjudged his mood - he was not devastatingly sad but more angry and resigned to whatever had happened. “Don’t say anything or pity me Ben,” he said, an edge to his voice that made Ben falter. “I made the decision to cut him out of my life and it was the best thing I ever did. I… I just feel lonely sometimes.”

“What happened? You don’t have to tell me but it may help,” Ben suggested softly.

“I came out to him,” Callum said.

Whatever Ben thought had happened that was not it and he tried to not react to the bland statement Callum had just uttered. But Callum was continuing, obviously needing to talk. “My dad raised me, my mom left us when I was little, he was abusive to her and she just went one day and never came back. Stu helped out as much as he could but he’s a lot older than me so it was easier for him to go out and get away. I knew I was gay when I was at school but both of them always said horrible things about it, there was no way I could tell them what I was feeling or I’d be beaten. So I hid it well down, pretended, had girlfriends even if I did nothing but kiss them, whilst I planned to get out of there. One of my teachers helped me discover my love for maths and helped me at school so I was able to go to uni and get my degree and teaching qualification and I’d still managed to hide my true self through it all.

Then I went to my first school and I met someone. Chris. He was an English NQT and we just clicked. I loved him, he was the first person I’d fallen in love with and wanted to come out for. He was already out at home and I wanted to be the same. So I told my father and Stuart I was gay. It didn’t go too well. My dad was dreadful, screamed some awful things, called Chris and me every terrible homophobic name he could under the sun. So I grabbed all my things and just walked out. I’ve not spoken to him since and I don’t want to. Stuart apologised and accepted me a few years ago but my dad has never attempted to contact me.”

Callum took a deep breath, it was obvious this was upsetting him even though he had insisted he was fine with it. “That wasn’t the worst of it though. My father, he outed me and Chris on the school Facebook page. The kids and staff at the school were not happy, they made our lives hell and we were both given unofficial warnings for inappropriate behaviour. Chris - he’d decided he’d had enough and he moved to Newcastle at the end of the easter term, leaving me behind. I never really forgave him for that. So I asked for a transfer to a different school in the trust for the following year and they allowed me to move on the promise that I would never admit what had gone on before.”

“God, Callum,” Ben breathed.

“So I threw myself into my career, worked my damn socks off to be the best I could be and became ruthless to do what was best for me. That’s why I behaved so awfully to you in September, it was the first time since that first school that I felt scared, out of my depth and I just handled it so badly, I didn’t think. But that’s also why I can’t tell Whitney the truth - I can’t, I just can’t….”

He was starting to stammer and Ben could see him folding in on himself sadness, fear, repression, alcohol, all weighing heavily on him. Ben acted on impulse, moving forwards and pulling him into his arms, all six foot whatever of him falling into his shoulder. He thought carefully of what to say to help, not wanting to say the wrong thing but desperate to let Callum know he understood and was there for him. “Cal, you’re so brave going through that and becoming what you are now. You need to do what’s right for you and if that means telling people or not telling people it’s your choice and no one else’s. Not your dad or brother and not any of the staff or Ian here. And if Chris couldn’t wait around for you then he doesn’t deserve you. You should be proud of yourself and you should make sure you are happy, that you’re doing things that make you happy and not worrying about what others think. You’re the most important person in all of this, Callum, you and what you want and need. You will find that people at Walford are a lot more accepting, they would understand, but I get it. It’s scary and big and you’ve suffered so much when you shouldn’t have. And also, you’ve got me now, like it or not.”

There was a silence for a few moments as Callum pulled himself together. “Thank you,” he snuffled into Ben’s shirt, voice small but strong.

“And hey, at least now I know why Whit is definitely not your type, but maybe we should warn Ian? Just in case you wanna aim high for him you know.”

Callum laughed at that, pulling back from Ben and sending him a small but genuine smile. “Not Ian, more like Jack,” he said and Ben couldn’t help shaking his head, grinning at the man before him.

“Mental,” he teased gently, tapping Callum under the chin. “And blind. I am obviously the superior being at school!”

They sat outside for a while longer, until Ben noticed Callum was shivering with the cold. He got the older man inside, sat him back down at their table which was thankfully out of the way enough to avoid attention from most of the staff who by now were dancing crazily, and fetched him a glass of water. Callum took it from him with a warm smile, seeming to hesitate to find words after what he had just admitted to Ben.

Ben touched his arm gently, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable, trying to pass on the feeling of solidarity between them. He tried not to let his hand linger, tried not to think about how easy it would be to slide his fingers down into Callum’s hand and hold onto him tightly like he deserved. He could not get his head around how someone who radiated joy and sunshine like Callum did was hiding such a horrible past from everyone and it made him want to wrap the older man up in his arms and never let him go, never let anyone hurt him again. But the thought that Callum had just offloaded all this onto him because he trusted Ben made him reluctant to do anything other than offer friendship at this moment in time - he did not want to take advantage of Callum in any way. Now that he knew he had a chance, that Callum could be interested in him maybe, he could work on that after Christmas when things were more settled down. For now, he was happy to sit next to Callum, to offer an ear when it was needed, to be friends with this stunning, amazing, incredible man. 


	6. January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum returns the favour...

Callum had spent the first weekend of the Christmas holidays wondering how Ben was going to treat him after he had verbally vomited all his problems and worries out at the staff party. He had been embarrassed, sure, but it had also felt good, to unburden himself with all the things that had been piling up inside him since September. And he trusted Ben enough to let it all out, the first and only person he had told everything to since the whole sorry incident at his first school. 

He needn’t have worried about Ben’s reaction, he’d texted the day after and they’d fallen back into their ‘friend’ zone quick enough, but Callum couldn’t help wishing he’d said something more or that Ben had said something, anything, after Callum had come out to him. Still, friends was better than nothing and he grabbed what he was offered with both hands. 

Ben had invited him over at Christmas which he had politely declined, not wanting to intrude on the family time that Ben would have planned, but he had agreed to meet up with all three of them for New Year, including, on the day itself, a phone call from Lexi demanding that if he was going to see her mum and dad and uncle Jay why was he not coming to see her too? So he had gone around to their flat in the afternoon, played board games with the family. Ben was ridiculously competitive and had refused to let Lexi win any game if she didn’t earn it properly, despite Callum losing on purpose. It was worth it to see how happy it made Lexi, but Ben had been insistent; “she'll never learn if she wins everything, Callum,” he'd explained, but Callum knew it was because he himself hated to lose, even to a 7 year old girl. They had then watched Disney films for a while - even though Jay and Ben had complained about watching Frozen for the millionth time it did not pass Callum’s notice that they knew all the words to all the songs. He and Lola had cooked dinner together, unsurprisingly, he’d picked chicken pasta to cook since that was Ben’s favourite, giggling at the sounds coming from the living room and peering around the door at the two grown men dancing along with Lexi to her favourite songs. 

After Ben’s mum had come around to stay with Lexi, the four of them had gone out to the local pub, where they had laughed, chatted and drank their way through to midnight. It had ended up being a lovely New Year, even if he had made more of an effort to stay off the hard alcohol just in case he decided he wanted to blurt out more personal thoughts to anyone. 

And now they were back at school and it was like the Christmas holidays hadn’t even happened. The kids were feeling the winter blues and finding work hard, there were mocks to set and mark and the next school year to start to plan. Callum was so snowed under that he hadn’t seen Ben properly for a few weeks, only spoken via a few emails and text messages, and he missed his cheekiness, laughter and just general Ben-ness. He’d even had to miss staff briefings which were normally the place they would be able to catch up, even if it was just for 5 minutes. So he made the decision to make sure he was at the next briefing and that he would sit next to Ben, no matter what time he turned up or how much he teased him.

It was clear that he hadn’t actually seen Ben in person for a while when he turned up to the briefing, on time, but pale, dark shadows under his eyes, looking thinner around the face and waist. Callum was standing at the back waiting, but when Ben came in, trying to hide himself amongst the other staff of the PE department, the words died like dust in his throat. Ben made no effort to look around, to spot anyone, just slumped in his chair and at the end of the meeting ran away as quickly as possible. 

Ben had enjoyed Christmas and New Year a lot. Spending time with Lexi, seeing how excited she was by the whole experience was always his most favourite time and anytime she was happy, he was happy. But of course, he was Ben Mitchell and happiness never seemed to be something he could count on long term. And yet again, the reason behind it all was his dad.

Ben had grown up with a split family, like many of his friends, but what was different was the way his father had always treated him. His mum had been so busy at work when he was younger that he’d had no choice but to spend time with his dad and stepmom and she hadn’t exactly been kind to a young, confused teenager. It hadn’t been the nicest of environments, made worse by the fact that Phil didn’t believe a word he’d said and made him feel like dirt for even suggesting she was being horrible.

Phil had always treated Ben like he was a nuisance, the black sheep of the family. He’d always been disappointed in who Ben was and nothing Ben could say or do changed his mind. All Ben wanted was to feel part of his life, to feel wanted, but Phil systematically made him think he was cared for before forcing him to help with dodgy deals and then dropping him quickly when he was no longer needed. It was a horrible cycle and Ben couldn’t get out of it. He craved his dad’s attention and couldn’t seem to stop even when it hurt so badly. He still remembered the day he’d told Phil he wanted to be a teacher and was going to go to sixth form and university and Phil had just laughed at him and told him “you’ll never do it, Ben, you’re too soft. And if you think I’m going to help you financially you’re much mistaken!” It had only been Jay and his mum that had convinced him not to give up. This was why he slept around, was only interested in casual sex and hook ups. Why would anyone think he was worthy of love if his own dad didn’t care?

This time, they’d gone round to Phil’s for Sunday lunch and he’d taken Ben into the kitchen. Ben still couldn’t stop hoping for more and he’d been thrilled to be included in his dad's plans. That had all crashed down the minute Phil had turned around and said, “I’m getting some hot cars in this week. I need you to sort out contacts for me.”

“Dad,” Ben had said, trying to reason with him, “you know I don’t do that sort of stuff anymore. I’m a teacher, I can’t be mixed up in these sort of deals. I’d lose my job.”

“So your job’s more important than your family?” Phil had scoffed. “It doesn’t matter, I’ll get Keanu to do it then, he knows what’s the most important thing.”

And Ben had agreed to do it because he couldn’t bear that the awful boyfriend of his younger half sister was to be included in the family business instead of him, couldn’t bear the look in his dad's eyes that said he was disappointed again and couldn’t bear the idea of being thought useless or worthless.

Even if it made him ill, even if he couldn’t sleep through nerves, even if he lost his job, he had to do it.

The image of Ben kept floating through his mind and Callum was worried, so concerned that he spent most of the day letting his mind wander instead of focusing on the classes in front of him. Finally at lunch time, he decided he’d had enough of worrying about what was going on and he headed over to the IT department to see Jay and demand to know what was going on. 

Over the last few weeks, he’d become a lot closer to Jay and Lola, even talking to both of them about his past and his feelings. Coming out to them and not having any negative response from either of them had made him think maybe, in the future, he could let everyone know that he was gay and proud, it was a step in the right direction for him.

Jay was in the staff room, but as Callum waved at him from the doorway, he shouldered his bag back up and took them into his classroom. He surveyed Callum with eyes that also betrayed his worry, concern. “Is this about Ben?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Callum perched on the edge of a desk, twisting his fingers together. “We’ve been chatting since we came back but mainly on email, you know, it’s that awful time of the year and I just don’t seem to have much free time. But I saw him this morning…. Jay what’s going on? Is he OK?”

Jay took a deep breath, shut his eyes for a few seconds. “It’s his dad. He’s been sniffing around again, saying stuff, asking Ben to help him out. It’s like when his dad comes around Ben turns into this massive mess of a person. He wants his dad to love him and to respect him so much he’ll do anything he asks without thinking of the consequences, but all he gets back in return is half arsed attention. I don’t know what he’s been asked to do this time, but he’s not been sleeping or eating and he’s not talking to me or to Lo. Maybe he’ll open up to you?”

“I can give it a go,” Callum said, heart feeling like it was breaking inside his chest.

Callum collected some chocolate from the staff canteen and after school that day made his way over to the PE department, finding Ben sitting in his office, head on the desk, papers sprawled out around him. He knocked on the door, but didn't wait for Ben’s response, just went into the small room, closed the door shut behind him and sat down opposite Ben, sliding a mars bar silently across the desk. Ben didn’t raise his head but his fingers closed around the offering and he pulled it towards him. Callum wanted patiently, sitting there without saying a word, and eventually Ben raised his head. Close up he looked worse than he had that morning, hair a mess from fingers running through it, eyes tired and worn and so not like the cheeky Ben he’d got to know this year, mouth fixed in a frown and not smiling. “Jay put you up to this?” Ben asked, voice gravely and with an edge to it that made Callum wince.

“Nah, just thought you’d like some chocolate,” he said in reply.

Ben scowled. “Chocolate doesn’t solve all problems, Cal,” he snapped.

Callum shrugged his shoulders, said nothing, just rested his hands on the desk and waited, fixing Ben with a gaze. He tried to radiate calmness, friendship, I’m here, without saying anything, knowing that the best way for Ben to open up was to not say or press anything, just wait for him to come to it himself. Slowly, Ben took a deep breath. “Did Jay tell you about my dad?”

“A bit. Ben, you don’t deserve to feel like this. You told me I was brave for letting my dad go, can’t you do the same?”

“I’m not like you Callum. He’s my dad, he needs me. I have to be there for him. Doesn’t matter what he wants me to do. If I don’t do it I’m out of his life. And I’m not brave enough to lose that.”

Callum leaned forward, let his fingertips just graze Ben’s. “You are brave. And you’re worth more than this. No one should make you feel like this, you deserve to be happy and loved without any conditions and strings.”

“If I don’t have him, then who do I have?” The pain in Ben’s voice ripped through Callum’s chest, creating a giant chasm that he couldn’t fill.

“You have Jay, Lola. You have a daughter that idolises you, you have a good job, kids that admire you and respect you, loads of friends. And you have me, I’m not going anywhere. Look, you may not be able to break away from your dad, I respect your decision. But you need to make sure you’re happy and if that means taking a step back from him and taking one towards your family, the one you’ve made, then maybe that’s what you need to do. If he loves you, he’ll understand and be there for you when you’re ready. And if he doesn’t understand then he doesn’t deserve you.”

Ben’s eyes were wet as he looked up at Callum through his eyelashes, their fingertips still brushing. “You make it sound so easy,” he said in a small voice.

“It’s not easy, but if it makes you feel better about yourself then it’s worth it,” Callum admitted gently. He grasped Ben’s hand for a second, squeezed his fingers. “I wish I could do more to help.”

“More?” Ben repeated incredulously. “You don’t get it…. I don’t think anyone could do more for me than you do.” He dropped his eyes, avoiding Callum’s gaze. “Thank you. For being here, for what you said, for believing in me. I don’t think you know how much that means to me.”

Callum felt his mouth tip into a small smile. “We’re friends, Ben, that’s what I’m here for.”

He’d left it at that, just sat for a while next to Ben in silence but he knew that meant more to Ben than anything. They’d not seen each other that weekend but Callum had repaid the favour from the Christmas party and just texted Ben relentlessly over the two days, cheerful, non judgmental, just offering pure friendship. And when he’d seen Ben on the Monday briefing, although still not right, it was clear that he was better, that he was trying. Callum had received a single word text message off Lola that week, simply saying  _ thanks  _ and that had meant more to him than anything had for a while.

Ben had sat and thought after Callum had left his office that day, about the things he’d been told at Christmas, about Callum himself. He’d not believed that there was anything of him to be envious of until he thought about what Callum had been through, whom he had in his life. He had no one really, except an older brother he was only just starting to reconnect with. And although Ben’s dad and what he’d put him through was a major part of his life, he had his other family, people who cared about him a lot. Maybe he was lucky after all. 

And then Callum himself, someone who believed in him regardless, someone who was so kind, so sweet and so lovely and who thought he was the same. It gave Ben hope. Callum had been through lots of awful things too and had decided to come out of it positive, sunshiney, wonderful. Ben could do the same thing. He may not be able to remove his dad from his life but he could try to make better choices, believe in himself more. It was a new idea, a fresh start and he wanted to do it for himself. 

That weekend, he sat on the sofa cuddling Lexi as they watched a movie marathon, receiving texts from Callum, random friendly messages. He knew why he was doing it, knew that it was because of how Ben had responded to his confession at Christmas and Callum wanted Ben to know he felt the same in return. It was nice, to have someone who believed in him that much and for the first time in what felt like ever, Ben started to feel positive about himself.


	7. February

February, the month of love. At least, that’s what the kids said but to Ben it was vomit inducing cuteness overload. He hated the onslaught of Valentine’s Day with a passion. He said as much to Callum and Jay in Pub Club, only stopping his rant when Callum had fixed him with large, innocent, dazzling blue eyes. “I love Valentine’s Day,” he’d proclaimed, “it’s a perfect time to show someone you care about them. Surely you’d love it if someone told you how wonderful you are?”

Ben had scoffed at that. “I’ve been called many things, Cal, but wonderful’s not normally one of them!”

Callum had looked away at that and changed the subject quickly and Ben still did not know or understand the context of the conversation. It bothered him sometimes, that he may have upset Callum without even realising it, maybe the older man really did think Valentine’s Day was special and here he was, turning it into a big joke.

Callum meant a lot to Ben, that was the crux of the matter, and he was hopeful Callum felt the same. The way he’d been over his issues with his father last month had cemented in Ben’s head exactly how he felt about him. He’d never imagined he’d meet someone who would be so kind and understanding and just want to help make him feel better, but Callum had offered all that and asked for nothing in return. Ben was falling for him, hard, so hard in fact that being around him could be so painful, a large hole caving in his chest when he thought about how someone so good, so wonderful, so amazing could ever want a screwup like him. Callum radiated light, sunshine, he was someone Ben never wanted to stop looking at but he was so scared of wrecking their friendship that he couldn’t say anything. It was a first for him, he was usually so confident picking up men whenever he wanted to, but Callum was different, he wanted to do this right. Lola and Jay found it hilarious. “You need to tell him,” Lola said often. “Or he’ll get snapped up and then where will you be?”

So maybe this year Valentine’s Day could be different? Maybe he could tell Callum how special he was and ask him out on a date? Or, thinking about it again and the self doubt rising, maybe he could just hide in the PE department and make the kids lives a living misery to hide any soft feelings he was having.

The day itself was bright, with chilly sunshine, but dry at least, so Ben had organised all outdoor lessons. The kids were hyperactive, any sniff of a non normal day made them extra crazy, and so he was pleased he could get them outdoors. For the first lesson of the day, with a year 8 class, he’d decided to play a football game, getting them to coach each other and referee the game themselves. Some others in his department had made the same choice and they were down on the playing fields, each class on a different pitch, watching the kids with pride as they rose to the challenge. Ben was so engrossed in telling the pupil who was the referee how to make a better judgement on the offside rule that he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until he became aware that his class had stopped doing anything and were staring at something. Rolling his eyes, he straightened up, preparing to yell at them when he was brought up stock still at the sight before him. Two year 10 girls, expressions caught between amusement and horror, were standing at the edge of the football pitch, wearing red, pink and white paper chains around their heads and shoulders, waiting for something. He blinked for a few seconds whilst he waited to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him or if someone had spiked his water bottle, because surely this was a hallucination? But they were still there and so he strode over to them. “Well, what do you want?” he demanded shortly, trying to hide his own amusement behind annoyance.

“Sir, this is for you,” one of them blurted out and she held out a rectangular present wrapped in garish pink paper with hearts and - was that seriously little cute kittens - dotted all over it. “We’ve been asked to tell you to open it now, please, if you can,” she looked a little nervous as she stammered over the last part and it was obvious the gift giver had coached them on what to say.

Ben felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. He could hear his own class twittering behind him, he was aware of the other staff and classes now also watching the scene and he still had no idea of what was going on. Hastily he took the package off the girls and unwrapped it as quickly as he could. When he saw what was inside, he couldn’t stop the smile from flashing onto his face although he quickly wiped it off.

“Who’s this from?” he asked them, trying to sound stern.

“We can’t say, Sir, we’ve been sworn to secrecy!” the other girl told him, a big grin appearing on her face now the gift had been handed over and it was clear they were enjoying his embarrassment a little too much.

Ben shook his head at them, waved them off back to lessons and turned around to his class. “What are you looking at? Get this game finished or we’ll have to do it during break!” he called out and they all scrambled back to the game. Ben pocketed the mars bar with another small smile and turned his attention back to what was going on in front of him.

Of course that wasn’t the end of it. Half an hour later a pair of boys turned up, stalking across the field like they were after prey. They also had the paper chains all around them and Ben wondered what sort of bribe it had taken to get them to wear them. They were a lot more cocky than the girls, loving the attention as they bustled over to him and called out to him, whilst waving another gift at him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr Mitchell!” they shouted in tandem, so loud that every single person on the field knew what was going on. 

“Who's this one off?” Ben asked again as he took the present off the grinning boys.

“Well, it ain’t off me, Sir!”

“I should hope not!” Ben was scandalised at the idea and the boys obviously found that funny as they fell about laughing whilst waiting for him to open this gift. Inside the wrapping paper this time was a set of cheerleader pom poms. Ben couldn’t stop the grin and the laugh this time from bubbling out, he just knew who they both were from. “Thanks boys,” he told them, “my lesson has been completely destroyed but the gifts are lovely.”

“It’s our pleasure sir,” the boys chorused before running back off the school field, swinging the paper chains around their heads and bowing theatrically as they went, leaving Ben to try to salvage the car crash that was left of his lesson. He hadn’t lied, his class was completely destroyed. The kids had loved the spectacle and there was not much more he could get out of them. 

But of course it didn't end there. Every lesson during the day, two gifts were delivered to Ben. No matter where he was or what he was doing, a pair of kids would turn up, decorated more outlandishly as the day progressed, bearing a gift wrapped in that awful pink paper. Every single lesson Ben taught that day was a disaster, the kids loving what was happening to their teacher, but Ben couldn’t find it in himself to mind too much. Not when at the end of the day, he laid out all the gifts on the desk in his office. A mars bar. The cheerleader Pom poms. A bag of marshmallows. A Camembert in a wooden box. A packet of bingo dabber pens. A miniature model of superman. A Santa hat. A new year party popper. And the best thing of all, a small, perfectly folded origami canoe. There was no doubt in his mind whom they were all off. The most incredible, wonderful person he’d ever met. And he also knew what he was going to do, right here, right now before nerves got the better of him.

Ben made his way over to the maths department, to Callum's office. He knocked on the open door and as the man in question looked up he slid in. Callum’s face broke into a wide smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. He was so beautiful Ben could hardly look at him. “Hey,” Callum said, sounding so pleased to see him. “Did you get my gifts? The kids said they’d embarrassed you all day.”

“I did get them, thank you,” Ben said, perching on the edge of the desk. It seemed like such a small thing to say just thank you for something that had meant so much to him. He swallowed hard, thought about how to say those words, how to ask Callum if he wanted to go for a drink or more with him and he suddenly found he couldn’t get them out, they were stuck in his throat as he stared at the man in front of him. Callum was perfect, wonderful, gorgeous and Ben was Ben, how would this work? As he floundered, Callum’s smile dimmed a little and he searched Ben’s face, like he was trying to get a read on whatever Ben was feeling and failing. In the end, Ben deflected the burning questions, unable to force them out of his throat. “What’s made you so happy then?” he asked instead.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said at Christmas, about doing things to make myself happy. So I decided I needed to contact Chris. He emailed me back today.” Callum gestured towards his computer and made to continue but Ben cut him off. Chris. Of course, the English teacher whom Callum had fallen in love with and came out for. Probably as lovely as Callum, no issues, no self esteem problems, not Ben. Ben felt his heart shatter like a glass dropped from trembling fingers. He’d left it too long and Callum had moved on. He didn’t want to hear whatever else was going to be said, so he talked over the older man, even as Callum reached out for him. “I’m pleased for you Cal, honestly. I just wanted to say thanks for the gifts so now I have, I’ll leave you to it. See ya around.”

He stood up, ignoring the outstretched hand from Callum and the confused “Ben?” that came out of the other man's mouth and he left the office, the maths department, without glancing backwards. He only let the tears fall, hot and painful against his cheeks, when he was hiding in the PE cupboard amongst the old football nets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter. It’s definitely not something I’ve ever done at school....


	8. March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The run up to the Easter trip begins!

Callum was still confused when school restarted after February half term. Ben was still talking to him, they’d still hung out and he’d been around to see Lola and Lexi a few times over the holiday, but there was something not right between them and he didn’t know why. Oh, he could guess why, Ben had been fine up to the Valentine’s Day fiasco, and since that awkward conversation in his office when Ben couldn’t look at him properly there had been a distance between them. Ben hadn’t really mentioned his gifts, hadn’t seemed to be moved by them and Callum thought he’d completely misread the whole situation. Maybe Ben had hated the idea of the gifts being delivered throughout the day. Maybe Ben just wasn’t into him like that. Maybe those gifts that he’d meticulously planned to represent all the important parts of their relationship to date just hadn’t transferred over how much Ben meant to him. Either way, when Ben had walked out of his office without finishing their conversation it had made Callum’s heart break and forced him to decide never to bring it up again, not if he wanted to salvage their friendship. So neither of them talked about it, and they tried to carry on as normal. Callum never mentioned to anyone how sometimes he’d find himself lying awake in the cold lonely darkness in his flat in the middle of the night, hating himself for putting that awkwardness right in the middle of their friendship. He wished he could take it back because Ben was still his best friend, still the one he went to to chat or for advice or to moan about his department. He trusted him so much. He just wished Ben felt the same way about him, but as he’d made his feelings clear, Callum was dealing with it and moving on. 

The biggest worry he had at this moment in time anyway, was the Easter New York trip he’d inherited when he started at Walford. He had turned the planning of the trip itself around, he’d been able to charm the lady on the phone into organising more things to do for the kids for the same price, and all the admin side of it had now been sorted thanks to late night headaches and lots of chasing of pupils and parents. But the thing he was most concerned about at the moment were the staff that were going. He was the trip leader, the other department involved was music and Whitney Dean and her sister Tiffany were going - he had no issues with that, both Whitney and Tiff were good teachers and they got on well with the children. But the old head of department had also invited the worst member of maths staff on the trip. George was one of the teachers who did not really care about the kids, just came in, taught badly, let them get away with anything in his classroom. Callum had been worried about him for months, trying to coach him to get better results and when that had been thrown repeatedly and aggressively back in his face, he had had no choice but to refer George to leadership for help. It hadn’t gone down well, George had taken it personally and he fought everything Callum was trying to do to get things better.

On this day, Callum was doing drop in observations on members of his department when he came across the most awful ruckus in George’s classroom. The kids were out of their chairs, throwing paper across the room, shouting at each other and in the middle stood George, back to the door, trying ineffectively to restore calm to the lesson. Callum folded his arms over his chest and stood just inside the door. It was a mark of respect for the person he had become at school that as the kids started to see him, with his teacher's face fixed on, they started to calm down, sit at their desks, nudge their friends and get them to do it too. Without saying anything, Callum had restored calm to the situation within five minutes. George still hadn’t turned around and seen him there and the minute the kids were all sitting, quiet, looking sheepish, he went crazy at them. Callum had to take a step back with the vile things he was throwing out at them over the behaviour and he was so shocked it took him a few seconds to react. In the end all he needed to say was a quiet “Mr Smith!” to get the man to stop in his rant and turn to stare at a shocked Callum. There was a deathly silence for a few minutes, in which George turned from red to white and back to red again and glared at Callum. “I’m just popping into lessons. Is it OK if I sit at the back for a while?” he asked George, trying to make it seem normal whilst the pupils were in the room.

There was nothing George could do apart from gesture towards the back of the room. Callum sat down at a spare desk and didn’t move for the rest of the lesson, keeping a watchful eye on the kids. With him there, they worked perfectly until the bell rang and they were dismissed.

Once there were no kids around, Callum strode up to George. “What happened?” he asked, deliberately keeping his voice level and calm.

However George didn’t respond in the same way, his tone immediately accusing and harsh. “It was all under control, Mr Highway. Until you turned up that is. The little idiots just like trying to wind me up, that’s all. I’d advise you to keep your nose out of it.”

“I’m your head of department, it’s my job to help you if you need it,” Callum tried to reason with the elder man but it was to no avail as he slammed his books down on this desk and turned around to face Callum. 

“It’s all your fault anyway, leaning too much on me, do this, do that, I hate the kids, I hate the school and I hate you!” he shouted.

Callum took a deep breath, forced his own anger back down. “I’ll come back and talk to you when you’re prepared to be civil,” he said as calmly as he could before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

He was so concerned he went straight away and knocked on the headteacher's office door. When Ian called him in, he sat down and jumped straight into the issue. “I’m not taking George on the New York trip. I know it’s all been sorted but if I can’t trust him to work with me in school how can I trust him when we’re that far away?”

Ian was one of those men that did not like causing conflict, but Callum had worked closely with him now since September and he knew how to handle him. After delivering his blunt ultimatum he sat back and watched the play of thoughts over the heads face. It was obvious what he was thinking - could he talk Callum round? If not, what was the best way to try to smooth over the situation? Callum gave him a few minutes before delivering the killer blow. “What if he doesn’t listen or care when we’re over there and a child gets hurt? Ian, the parents will go to the newspapers and it will be all over the place before any of us could do anything to stop it. I’ll tell him, I’ll sort it all out, I just can’t take him. It’s either him or me going. Not both of us.”

He knew he had Ian at this point, knew that he would hate the idea of bad press and that he would not want his head of maths to back out of such a prestigious trip. In the end he nodded his head slowly. “Ok fine, as long as you deal with any fallout. Have you got a replacement in mind?”

“Thank you,” Callum breathed a sigh of relief. “I hope I know someone who will come….”

Ben was sitting in his office at lunchtime, sorting out next week’s club schedule since new sports teams were starting and wondering how on earth he was going to fit it all in just a week when Callum came storming into his office. Storming being the word to use, as the normally placid man was practically vibrating with anger, a scowl on his lovely face. Ben gaped for a second, then shooed away the other members of the PE department who had been lounging around in the office and pulled a chair out for Callum. He said nothing, but made him a cup of tea and pulled out a packet of chocolate biscuits. He then sat back down opposite and waited, watching as Callum sipped at his tea and nibbled at a biscuit, visibly calming down.

Ben took the time to look properly at Callum - he’d tried to put a bit of distance between them since the Valentine’s Day fiasco when he’d realised Callum had moved on without him and although they still saw each other, Ben was making sure it was only as friends and at arms length. He didn’t want his already fragile heart to shatter into any more pieces, he didn’t know how he would be able to cope if it did. But he also didn’t want to lose Callum’s friendship and it was sometimes a struggle to keep those boundaries clear in his mind. This was one of those times, he loved Callum when he was smiley, happy, excited like a puppy, but when he got emotional about something he was magnificent, all flashing eyes and blazing energy, he seemed to sparkle like the sun. Actually, to be honest, who was Ben kidding, he found all of Callum, in any mood, to be captivating.

He waited until Callum had drunk most of his tea and the wrath had faded from his blue eyes, his fingers tapping against the desk and mug being the only outward sign of agitation. Only then did Ben speak, “what’s up?”

“George,” Callum groaned and Ben sent him an understanding smile. He knew all about the issues within the maths department, if Callum needed a sympathetic but confidential ear to talk to it was always Ben he went to.

“What’s he done now?” he asked, sliding over the biscuits again.

“He’s destroyed a lesson, was so rude to the poor kids in his class, ignored every bit of advice I’ve ever given him and then professionally slammed me. I’ve been to see Ian, I’m not taking him to New York. And then I went and told him. It didn’t go down too well. So I thought I’d hide out here for a bit, if that’s OK with you?”

Ben was startled, the trip was only three weeks away and he could see why George would be mad but also he knew Callum wouldn’t have done this if he had any other choice. In the end, the only thing he asked was “who are you going to get to replace him?” and he knew that giving no judgement was the right thing to do by the thankful look he received. 

Callum looked at him over the rim of his mug, from under his eyelashes and at that point Ben knew he was a goner, how could anyone say no to Callum Highway when he looked like that? “I was hoping maybe you could come?”

Ben hesitated for a moment, thoughts pounding through his head. A week with Callum in New York City. A free trip to New York City. A week with Callum and 40 kids. A week with Callum…..

Callum obviously thought the hesitation was a no because he tried to explain more. “I know you have Lexi to think about and Jay and Lola to consider too, but if I had to pick one person to come with me, the one person I trust the most in school and out of it, that’s you Ben. You’ll work with me to look after the kids, not try to get one up on me all the time. I trust you with them.”

Ben was flummoxed yet again at the sheer extent of confidence and faith Callum had in him. He’d never experienced such unconditional support from anyone before. And it was that that ultimately made his mind up. “Hang on, hang on,” he held his hand up to stop the flow of words cascading out of Callum’s mouth. “A free trip to New York? Hell yeah, count me in!”

“Really?” The grin that lit up Callum’s face was incredible, so bright it hurt Ben’s eyes to stare at him but he couldn’t look away. “Thank you, you don’t know how much that means to me.”

“Guess you’d better fill me in on all the details then,” Ben sighed, reaching for a biscuit himself.

Plans for New York were well underway and Ben had come to an understanding with his own brain about how to deal with being so close to Callum, so he was feeling better about everything. It meant he could look forward to just spending time with his best mate without wanting to kiss him senseless every time they were near to each other. Or at least, the more times he told himself that the easier it was to believe it. 

He was actually really looking forward to the trip and had invited Callum round to the flat to talk logistics, but also because Lexi had demanded that she wanted to bake cookies with Callum again and he hadn’t the heart to say no to her when he was going away over Easter. It was when they were sitting around the dining room table tasting the sparkled unicorn cookies that Lexi had proudly offered them that Lola made the announcement. “Do you realise your birthdays are like less than a week apart?” she said. “So we should do a joint celebration!”

Ben didn’t want to seem too eager but he could think of no other people he wanted to celebrate his birthday with than those currently sitting around this table. “Why not, Lo, I’ll be up for that,” he shrugged, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah, me too,” he’d noticed Callum shooting a glance out of the corner of his eyes over at him before speaking. “What are you thinking of doing, Lo?”

“A night out? We could go to a bar in town, be nice to dress up and drink cocktails?” she suggested with a hopeful smile on her face. 

Jay and Ben groaned at the idea but Callum was beaming and Ben knew that’s what they’d be doing, how could he say no to that face? He had no chance.

The weekend of the joint birthday celebration saw Callum spending the day with Stuart and his girlfriend Rainie as it was the last time he would see them before the New York trip before meeting Ben, Jay and Lola in their local pub. They were already there when he arrived, drinks on the table and he was glad that it gave him a minute by himself to get his own pint before he had to join them. Ben looked stunning, as normal, in a maroon shirt and tight black jeans and Callum had to grab hold of his sense with both hands before he did something silly like declaring his love for a man that was obviously not into him. When he joined the table, he was back in control of his emotions and no one was any the wiser about why it had taken him longer than normal to order his drink.

They headed out to the club Lola had picked not that long after, a cocktail bar in the centre of London. They grabbed a table and ordered some drinks and then spent the next few hours giggling as the drinks got more elaborate and a lot more alcoholic. They laughed and joked about so many things that Callum felt his heart fill with joy. He’d not had this sort of easy friendship ever, with a group of people he wanted to spend time with and who made him feel welcome. He knew this was where he wanted to be for a very long time.

Ben was getting the next round of drinks in - and Callum was keeping an eye on him over the rim of his glass whilst trying to not make it look obvious. Ben was lounging against the bar when a boy came over to him, tall, blonde hair, muscles on show and he leaned it towards Ben and slid his arm around him. Ben turned towards him, face tilted upwards to smile at this stranger and Callum felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. He knew that Ben wasn’t into him, but this, seeing it so close, made him feel sick. He was just about to excuse himself to go to the loo or somewhere just to get away from the sight when Lola rested her hand on his arm. “Are you OK?” she asked gently. 

“I just… I don’t feel too well, I just need some air,” he tried to make an excuse but Jay and Lola’s eyes met over the table, realisation suddenly dawning on their faces.

“Do you like Ben?” Lola asked, an almost incredulous tone in her voice.

Callum picked up on the tone, but had no idea why she sounded like that or why both of them were giving him strange looks. But he was done with hiding his feelings, done with pretending he wasn’t upset by what had happened. “I do like him. I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me but I still don’t want to see him picking up someone else.”

“Wait, what?” Jay interjected. “What about Chris?”

Now Callum was confused. “Chris?”

“Ben said you were back together with him?” Lola asked slowly.

“No, why would Ben think that?”

“He came to see you to say thank you for the gifts you sent him for Valentines, and apparently you said then?” Jay said.

“I said I’d emailed Chris, but not that we were back together… I thought Ben didn’t like the gifts and that’s why he’s been acting strange since then. He didn’t actually let me explain about Chris, he just ran off,” Callum couldn’t get his head around what was happening.

Lola scoffed at that. “Not like the gifts? Callum, all he could talk about was how perfect they were and how much he liked them. They’re all pride of place in his bedroom. In fact, Lexi ate the Mars bar one day by mistake and I had to replace it before he realised it had gone!” She took his hand gently. “He likes you, trust me.”

Callum stared over the bar at Ben, thoughts all jumbling around inside his head. Ben liked the gifts, Ben thought he was back with Chris, had Ben been acting strange because he actually did like Callum and had thought he’d been rejected…. He didn’t know what to do or say.

Jay touched his shoulder. “Just go and talk to him, mate.”

But just as Callum was about to stand up and go over to the bar, fingers trembling and heart in his mouth, Ben came swaggering over. “Hey guys, sorry, but I’m going to call it a night. Got myself some entertainment, if you know what I mean,” he said, gesturing over to where the blonde boy was waiting at the bar. “I’ll see you later,” and then he was gone, arms flung around the boy as they left together.

A silence fell over the table, Callum could sense Lola and Jay looking at each other, unsure of what to say. In the end, he broke the awkward quiet. “I guess I’d better go too, I’ve got to get things sorted for next weekend and I need to be awake early tomorrow. I’ll see you soon,” and before they could say anything, he grabbed his jacket and practically ran out of the bar. He’d left it too late to deal with what had been wrong between them and now he had no one to blame but himself. As he walked home, he made the decision that he would be supportive of Ben no matter what or who he had chosen, even if it wasn’t Callum himself, despite the widening crack in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought one of them at least should do some proper teacher stuff and the miscommunication continues..... sometimes they really do need their heads banging together!!


	9. Easter Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They’re in New York, sharing a room and they actually talk!! 
> 
> I’ve upped the rating for future chapters, not quite there yet but it’s coming....

They were meeting at 3am for the trip and Callum had not even bothered going to bed, too worried and anxious to even consider sleep. Instead he downed copious amounts of coffee and made sure he had every little thing he thought he could possibly need. Going on a trip was nerve wracking itself but being in charge of 40 people’s children in the busiest city in the world was the scariest thing ever. In the end he got a taxi to school early and spent the last hour before the meeting time pacing around the playground, trying to stop his mind spiralling into all the what ifs.

It was good he was there early as the kids started arriving early too, by 2:30am about half of them were there and Callum was now at least busy signing them in and checking passports. The other staff and the coach arrived at the same time and Callum was so rushed off his feet it was only after all the kids were on the coach and they were sorting out the last cases that he could breathe and realise where everyone else was. Whitney and Tiff were already in the coach, and Ben was hugging a sleepy Lexi in her pajamas, her blonde head tucked into his shoulder. 

Lola was there too and now that he was free, she came over to Callum. “Morning, sunshine,” she croaked, the early morning obviously not suiting her. “You all sorted?”

“I think so,” Callum said. “Got all the kids and staff so we're starting off well.”

She fixed him with a stare. “You haven’t told him yet,” she said in a slightly accusational tone.

Callum dragged a hand over his eyes. “I’ve been busy. And I don’t want to put pressure on him if he really likes that guy.”

Lola made a rude sound. “Now you’re being stupid. He hasn’t seen that guy again, he only went with him because he thought you weren’t interested. You need to talk to him, Callum. I don’t know how you go through life with such bad communication skills!”

“I communicate fine normally!” Callum protested, but he softened with a smile at his friend. “Just not with Ben I guess!”

The driver came to tell him they were ready to go so he left Lola to say goodbye to Ben and take Lexi and climbed into the coach himself. A few minutes later Ben stumbled in and sat on the seats Callum had saved for him opposite where he himself was sitting. With a loud horn toot and waves and cheers from both kids and parents they started on their trip across London to Heathrow airport. 

Callum sat back down after taking some photos ready for his Twitter feed and fixed his gaze on Ben. He was pale, eyes slightly red, and Callum knew he’d be missing Lexi already. He pushed Lola’s advice to one side for now, until things were more settled and instead focused on trying to make Ben feel better.

By the time they reached Heathrow, Callum was back up to his neck in organisation, checking in all the kids, making sure they all had eaten food, getting them through security and then to the gate. Of course there were issues - “I’m not sitting by my best friend, Sir, I can’t sit next to a boy that I don’t know!” - and other silly stuff like that.

“We’ll just move the kids around once we’re in the air,” he shrugged to Whitney, Tiff and Ben as they sat for a few minutes on the hard chairs by the gate, waiting to be let on, before being called back by another child who was worried about whether they would be able to eat anything on the plane as “I only eat pasta sir! Are they likely to give me pasta if I ask them for it?” and trying to think of the politest answer he could give without being in danger of losing his job.

It was a blessing to be sat on the plane, all the kids in their hated places but at least quiet - of course, that was nothing to do with the fact he’d heard Ben cheerfully telling some of them that they had been sat in these seats to allow the plane to take off and if they moved then the plane wouldn't be able to get airbourne (“it’s all to do with balance, see, if you’re not in your seat then the plane can’t actually take off, it may even crash!”) - not surprisingly, after that all the complaints had stopped. So now there was nothing to do apart from wait and try not to let his mind get too far ahead of where they currently were. He was sitting next to Whitney, staring at the back of Ben’s head 10 rows in front of him and wishing he was sitting next to him instead. Ben just made him feel happy, calm, relaxed and at this moment in time, his anxiety as sky high as he was going to literally be in a few minutes, he needed that support. Whitney was lovely, but she still seemed to think she had a chance with him, even after Christmas, and she kept touching his arm and his leg, leaning in close to talk to him and it was making him feel so uncomfortable and just adding to his anxiety issues. The minute the seatbelt sign was off, he was up and sorting out the kids into the seats they wanted to move into. Then he went to the two kids that were sitting next to Ben and politely turfed them out of their seats to go and sit next to Whitney and he folded himself as much as possible into the seat that was next to the man he’d had on his mind for months.

Ben was watching him with amusement. “Got enough space there?” he teased lightly, “or do you want to sit on my lap?”

“These seats are not made for people taller than 5 foot 8,” Callum groused back with a huffed laugh.

“Oi, is that a dig about my height? Again?” Ben touched his arm lightly. “You OK now we’re all on here safely?”

“I’ll be better once we land,” Callum admitted quietly, fingers tapping against the arm of the chair.

Ben just looked at him for a moment, eyes soft and gentle and then he gestured towards the in flight entertainment screen on the back of his chair. “Looks like we can play against each other at Tetris. Fancy your ass being whooped by me?” Callum spluttered at that and Ben laughed fondly. “At Tetris, I mean, really, Callum, we’re on a school trip!”

The rest of the flight passed quickly with Ben distracting him with films, chatter, Tetris (even if he refused to play again once Callum had beaten him 10 times in a row) and innuendo laden comments that made him laugh. Callum was so close to talking to him about things but every time it seemed like a good time to say something, he would bottle it, unable to get his words out, worried about not only how Ben would react but what it would do to him too. And once they had landed, they had to get through security, find the coach, travel into New York City itself whilst trying to take photos of that famed skyline through coach windows, deal with the most traffic they’d ever seen, check into the hotel and sort out the rooms with as little arguments as possible and he had no time to even consider talking to Ben. 

He had sorted the trip out to allow little free time for the kids to make sure they had no chance of misbehaving and so after unpacking and showers, they met up again to go for food at a diner and then their first trip to the Empire State Building. Callum could feel Ben watching him throughout dinner and the queue up to the top of the Empire State, knowing that Ben was aware of his anxiety issues and was keeping a close eye on him to ensure he was OK. But he needed time alone to sort out his own thoughts and decide if he wanted to talk to Ben about the issues between them now or after the trip and he couldn’t do it with those ocean blue eyes fixed on him. So when they got to the top of the building, after giving the kids instructions on timings and meeting points, he slipped away from the others and found as quiet a nook as he could outside, against the barriers, looking out over the city. When all he could see was the lights of the city twinkling in the dark way below him he finally relaxed and allowed himself time to consider things properly. He liked Ben. A lot. He had liked him for ages and according to Lola the feelings were reciprocated, they’d only been apart due to a misunderstanding. Was he brave enough to tell Ben the truth about everything, about Chris, about his feelings? Because he knew if he was it would lead down the path to coming out fully, to his colleagues and all of his friends and that scared him senseless still. 

As he was thinking, he suddenly became aware of gasps of awe and amazement around him and looking up suddenly he realised that it was snowing, large flakes spiralling around the top of the building, making the lights dewy and soft. It was the single most romantic thing he had seen. And that suddenly made his mind up, it was like the universe was sending him a sign and he would be a fool not to act.

He went to find Ben, who was huddled inside, glaring at the snow like it had personally offended him. “It’s Easter, Callum, why is it snowing?” he grumbled when Callum stuck his head around the door.

“Come and have a look outside, it’s not really that cold,” Callum pouted a little at Ben, who gave a long suffering sigh and pushed off the wall, shaking his head. 

“This had better be worth it,” he muttered as he let Callum pull him outside.

Callum found them a spot looking over the south of the city, the prettiest view he could find with no kids around to hear what he was going to say and steered them so Ben was looking out through the snow at the sight before him, hands resting on the barrier. Callum stood close beside him, took a deep breath for courage and then looked out as well, not watching Ben at all, and slid his hand closer on the barrier until his pinkie finger was just touching Ben’s. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ben start, turn to look at him and then quickly turn back to the view, but he didn’t move his finger away. Feeling braver, Callum spoke quietly, letting his finger stroke softly over the side of Ben’s. “I’m not with Chris. I didn’t get in touch with him to get back together with him. I never really forgave him for leaving me in the lurch and after you spoke to me at Christmas I wanted closure on my past. And that meant dealing with the anger I felt towards him. I only got back in touch with him to make myself feel better about me and my future, not for anything else. Besides which, he and his husband are very happy living in Newcastle.”

“Oh,” Ben’s voice was low and soft, “I thought. I mean you deserve the world and I just wanted you to be happy. I thought he was what you wanted.”

“I thought you didn’t like my gifts.”

Ben blinked at that, “my god, Callum, I loved your gifts. They meant so much to me. You gave me something that represented all the lovely things you’ve ever done for me and all the amazing times we’d had together. I just… when you said you’d contacted Chris I didn’t want to…” his voice trailed off, his eyes fixed on their little fingers, Callum’s still brushing the skin of his softly.

“I never wanted Chris,” Callum repeated, and he slid his hand even closer so their little fingers interlocked, Ben holding onto him tightly the minute he got the chance. “See, I’ve met someone else, that’s why I wanted closure. I wanted to be able to be happy to move on with this amazing, wonderful, irritating man.”

“Really?” The sark was back in Ben’s voice but Callum could sense the underlying worry, tension, hope that was bubbling under the surface. “Irritating?”

“Yeah, he got right under my skin and just refused to budge. But he’s also the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I trust him with anything, even other people’s kids on a school trip or my life in a canoe. I’m sorry I never told you earlier.” He finally turned to look at Ben.

Ben was also looking back at him, blue eyes wide and hopeful, shy smile breaking over his face as he looked up at Callum. “God, I wish we weren’t here with 40 kids cos I really want to kiss you,” he breathed.

Callum swallowed so hard it hurt. “Ben,” he groaned out, noticing how dark Ben’s eyes turned immediately. “You can’t say things like that when they can’t happen.”

“Maybe later, back at the hotel?” Ben whispered, voice gravelly.

“Yeah,” Callum nodded, smiling back at the man before him, heart pounding and palms sweaty with anticipation of what was to come. As they both turned round to look back out from the building, neither one of them made any effort to break the small, unseen but heartfelt link between their fingers.

Ben couldn’t quite believe how this day was going. He’d started off in England still thinking Callum was moving on and not interested in him and it was ending on top of the Empire State Building in New York, Callum’s little finger intertwined with his and the knowledge of what was to come building in his mind. The walk back to the hotel was full of anticipation, his stomach trying to tie itself up in knots as he walked at the back of the party, keeping on glancing at the back of Callum’s head as he led the group through the streets, into tacky souvenir shops that they spent way too much money in and then, finally, to the hotel. It had been so long since he’d had this feeling about anyone, the butterflies, the pounding heart, the knowledge that this beautiful man wanted him too, he couldn’t quite believe now they were apart that it had actually happened, that it hadn’t been a dream or a figment of his imagination. 

Callum collected all the kids together in the lobby and it still amazed Ben how someone could hold such power over a group of teenagers as the minute he stood up and held his hand up, their chatter died down and they all listened to his instructions for bedtime and meeting the following morning, reminding them that a check for lights out would be done in half an hour.

With chorus’ of goodnight to the four members of staff the kids all set off for their rooms and left alone, Callum collapsed onto a chair and finally heaved a huge sigh of relief, wiping an arm across his face. “First day over, guys, thanks for all your help,” he muttered from behind his hand.

“You want to get a drink or something? May help you to relax,” Whitney asked, resting her hand on Callum’s knee and making the monster inside Ben’s chest flare up suddenly. Callum, however, seemed blissfully unaware of the glare Ben was giving Whitney, he just looked bemused and shook Whitney’s hand off him. “We’re on a school trip, Whit, no drinking allowed,” he reminded her and as she looked down he shook his head at Ben. “Look, I bet you’re all tired. I need to post these photos on Twitter for the parents and then I’ll do the check tonight. Why don’t you all head off to bed?”

“I’ll wait up with you,” Ben offered quietly. “We’re sharing a room anyway.”

The smile Callum sent him made his breath catch in his throat, the monster put to bed as he saw the adoration clear in his face, how had he missed it before? “Thanks,” he said, “that’d be nice.”

Whitney and Tiffany said goodnight and left them alone, although Whitney did send another longing glance backwards as they entered the elevator. Ben moved so he was sitting next to Callum, not touching him but close enough to see the freckles dusted over his cheeks and to be aware of the perfect bow of his lips just begging to be kissed. “Let’s see these photos then,” he said.

Callum tilted towards him, holding his iPad out so he could see what he was putting up on the school's Twitter feed and turning his head to face Ben. This close, he could see the flecks of caramel and gold in Callum’s beautiful eyes, feel the shudder that went through his body at the closeness of them, his sharp intake of breath as their eyes met. Ben had to blink and shake his head to make him realise he couldn’t just lean in at this moment in time and he grabbed the iPad to try to act normal. “They’re good photos,” he said, trying to keep his voice even.

“Yeah,” Callum breathed, voice low and raspy and god, that didn’t help Ben’s state of mind at all. Callum cleared his throat. “Let me just upload these yeah, and then shall we go and get the check done?” 

  
They split up to do the check, each checking one half of the rooms and finding that the kids were so tired that there was silence from each of their rooms. And then finally, they were opening the door to the room they shared. Ben went in first, suddenly unsure of what was going to happen. He heard Callum shut the door and switch the lights on and he turned around, facing the older man. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” Callum repeated, and he looked more nervous than Ben felt, breathing already uneven, eyes darting between the floor and Ben’s face. 

Ben took a step forward, close to Callum, bracketing him towards the wall next to the door. “Is this still OK?” he whispered.

Callum nodded, eyes finally fixing on Ben’s mouth, then his eyes, “yes,” he breathed out.

Ben took the final step forward, pushing Callum back against the wall, grabbing a handful of his T-shirt in his hands and waited, watching how Callum reached for his face with one shaky hand, eyelashes fluttering shut onto his cheeks. They both moved in, noses bumping, warm breath fanning onto cheeks and then, finally, Callum’s lips were on his.

It was a short, sweet kiss, lips moving slowly against his and then they broke back, staring at each other. Then Callum reached for his head with his other hand, fingers cradling the back of his skull and pulled him back in, slotting their lips together more firmly. Ben slid one hand around his back, moving in even closer so he could feel the long line of heat that was Callum’s body pressed against him, moved his other hand to grasp one of Callum’s arms, sliding it down and along from his shoulder to his wrist. Callum’s lips were soft and warm against his, moving sweetly, catching his bottom lip between them, his fingers pressing into the short hairs at the back of Ben’s head, palms cradling his cheeks. Ben nipped at his lips, running the tip of his tongue along the seam and Callum whimpered in his throat, the sound going straight to Ben’s stomach. He pressed in even closer, tilting his face, biting at Callum’s lips until he opened his mouth against Ben’s. The kiss grew deeper, dirtier, Ben licking into Callum’s mouth, curling his tongue just so behind his teeth, both hearing and feeling Callum’s moan at the sensation. Callum slid his fingers down to Ben’s neck, his jaw, exploring Ben’s mouth himself, tongues touching briefly, running his own over Ben’s teeth, nipping at his lips. Ben couldn’t stop the groan himself at the feelings this man awoke in him, relished the response that the sound got from Callum, the way he slid a thigh between Ben’s legs, pulling him in so that they were pressed chest to chest, hip to hip, with no space between them, time only a distant memory.

Ben had to break it off before he got carried away, the feeling of Callum where he had imagined him for so long hitting him right in the heart. He didn’t pull far away, sliding his other arm around Callum so both hands were now resting on his back, stroking them up and down his spine, and tilted his head so their foreheads were touching. He was breathing heavily, heart pounding, just from that one kiss. Callum wasn’t much better, eyes dark with desire, lips red from being bitten and kiss swollen, so gorgeous it made Ben ache with want. He was still holding Ben’s head, fingers soft and gentle at the nape of his neck, thumbs stroking Ben’s cheeks. Ben let one of his hands drift into Callum’s hair, round to his jaw, the other one sliding down and under the bottom edge of his T-shirt to finally feel smooth skin, noticing the way Callum gulped, eyes not leaving his. “I wanna do this right,” he managed to say eventually, and he couldn't believe his voice sounded the way it did from one kiss, he was so wrecked, so gone for this man.

“OK,” Callum furrowed his brow a little and Ben just had to stand on his tiptoes and kiss it, smooth away the worry.

“I wanna date you, I want you all the time, every time, not just here.” he paused, brushed his lips again over Callum’s because now he could he didn’t want to stop. “I don’t want to force you into something you don’t want to do here because you’re looking after all these other people's kids. I want you to be happy. I want you to be comfortable.”

Callum’s eyes had grown large, hope, joy, desire all flaring into them. “You want more than just here,” he asked, repeating Ben’s statement slowly, his mouth tipping up into a smile and Ben just had to kiss it off him again.

“Yeah I do,” he whispered between their lips, speaking into Callum’s mouth because he couldn’t bear to be apart from him for a second longer than was necessary. 

“Good,” Callum whispered back, his lips still curving into a smile under Ben’s, eyes happy, “cos I really want that too, to date you I mean.”

“Good,” Ben said, ridiculously happy. “But let's take things slow, OK?”   
“How slow is slow?” Callum asked and he leant into Ben, so Ben could feel just how into this he was.

“You don’t really want do do too much with so many kids just around the corner,” Ben countered although he actually wanted nothing more than to throw Callum onto the bed and have his way with him, he knew what the older man would actually want when he was not caught up in the moment and this man meant so much to him that he would willingly cockblock himself until they were home. “I can wait, for you, I’d wait however long it takes.” he swallowed a little at the look Callum was giving him, all heat and need and want. “Besides,” he continued, trying to make light of the situation before he changed his mind. “It’s a school trip. It’s not like I’ve brought condoms or lube with me so it would be pretty hard to do to you what I want to do to you without those.”

Callum gulped at that, a moan escaping his lips and he kissed Ben, tongue sliding over his lips, tracing a pattern in his mouth that made Ben’s knees weak, having to use his hand that wasn’t still pressed against Callum’s back under his shirt to grip onto his shoulders to keep him upright. “Fine, no sex,” Callum eventually whispered when he’d broke the kiss, resting his nose against Ben’s, hand’s sliding down Ben’s back to his waistband, lingering there. “But kissing?”

“I think kissing is fine,” Ben murmured back and he pressed straight back in for more.


	10. Easter part 2

They’d kissed for hours, ending up in one bed, legs tangled together, cuddled in so close it was like they were one body. Callum’s head was swimming with thoughts of Ben Ben Ben, the way he felt, the way he tasted, the need for more. Now Ben was straddling him, knees either side of his thighs, one hand stroking up and down his side under his sleep shirt, kissing him so deeply and so sweetly that Callum could do nothing apart from drown in it. He was hard, he’d been hard for most of the evening and he could feel the heat of Ben’s cock pressed against him through their thin boxers. They were trying to ignore the obvious reaction to what they were doing but it still made Callum’s stomach turn flips, knowing he’d caused Ben to feel like this, that Ben wanted him. They were supposed to be trying to go to sleep but neither of them could bear to part, first one then the other initiating another round of kissing. Callum hadn’t felt like this ever, the need to be close to Ben consuming him like a burning star. 

Ben eventually pulled back from the kiss, pupils so dilated his eyes appeared black, lips so kiss bitten it was a sin how sexy he looked. He nuzzled against Callum’s jaw, fingers still softly ghosting over his side, smile warm and fond. Silence fell over them, comfortable, tender even, and Callum ran his own hands, from where they’d been resting on Ben’s hips, up his back to his shoulders, pulling his body down so he was lying on the bed next to him. Ben immediately cuddled into the side of his body, resting his head on Callum’s shoulder, hand sliding around to stroke his stomach. Even though he didn’t want to stop this, Callum knew he had to be able to function tomorrow. He slid an arm around Ben, pulling him close all the way along his body and kissed him softly once more. “We do need to sleep, Ben,” he whispered.

Ben propped himself up briefly, looked down at Callum and brushed his lips again in a kiss that was so full of feeling Callum almost wanted to cry. “You want me to go into the other bed?”

“No, stay here,” Callum couldn’t keep his lips, his fingers from Ben’s face, hair, shoulders and he noticed the shudder, the pleased smile on his face. 

“Was hoping you’d say that,” he murmured into the small gap between them.

They eventually did fall asleep, curled into each other's arms, hands slipped under T-shirt’s, legs intertwined under the duvet. It was the best night's sleep Callum had had for months.

When he woke, Ben was still asleep, his head resting on Callum’s chest, one hand still splayed on his stomach, looking so damn adorable that if he hadn’t got to sort out secret presents for the kids this morning Callum would have liked nothing more than to kiss him awake and continue what they’d started last night. As it was, he untangled himself regretfully and went for a shower. When he came back into the room, dressed for the day, Ben was lying on his back in the middle of the bed, eyes shut, sheet pulled up to just above his waist. Callum stopped and stared for a few seconds, he couldn’t believe how incredible Ben was, how gorgeous he looked whilst his face was relaxed in sleep. It was so tempting to strip again and get back into the bed with him, but he couldn’t, so he grabbed his shoes, ready to leave the room when Ben spoke quietly, “where ya going?”

“I’ve got to get the presents for the kids awards evening,” Callum replied, just as warmly and before he left, he slid onto the bed, legs either side of Ben’s body, letting his hands glide through the other man's soft hair before leaning closer. He noticed the hitch of Ben’s breath as he kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose, the join between his jaw and neck and then finally his lips. Ben's eyes blinked open as Callum pulled back, still hazy with sleep and he moved his arms from under the duvet and slid them onto Callum’s hips, pulling him down fully onto his body. It was a heady feeling, Ben in his sleepwear under the duvet, just waking up all soft and sleepy and Callum fully dressed, pressing him into the bed whilst they gazed into each other's eyes. 

Ben let his fingers dip into the waistband of Callum’s shorts, “that was a really poor good morning kiss, babe,” he whispered, “I think I deserve a much better one.”

Callum laughed at that, a sleepy Ben was quite possibly the most intoxicating thing he had ever seen, and he allowed Ben to pull him down into a deeper kiss, enjoying the feel of his body underneath his own, the touch of his lips, the warmth of his mouth. When it had finished, he nuzzled his nose against Ben’s. “You’re cute,” he admitted.

Ben scowled at the sentiment. “M’not cute, I’m sexy,” he complained, and then completely contradicted himself by nuzzling back into Callum’s neck like a cat, cuddling him tight.

“I’ve gotta go, Ben, or else the kids’ll all be down before I leave this room,” Callum tempered the fact he was leaving with one, two, three gentle kisses but Ben still pouted at him.

“You want me to come with you?” he asked even as he yawned, still not fully awake.

“No, I’ll be OK, can you make sure all the kids are downstairs on time?”

“Fine,” Ben was still pouting. “One more kiss before you go?” 

Callum was powerless to say no to this man when he was like this, all soft, warm, adorable and as the morning sun broke through the gap in the curtains setting a golden glow over the room, he leant back down to meet Ben halfway.

He wasn’t quite sure how this was going to go. Sure, he’d had a crush on Ben for a while but he’d learnt how to put it to one side, to deal with the day around his feelings. But now he knew what it was like to kiss Ben, to touch him and to be touched by him, he didn’t know how he was going to react. And Ben himself, wonderful but a little unpredictable, was he going to treat Callum the same, like nothing had happened, or different? It wasn’t like they could do anything in public anyway, Callum still wasn’t fully out to everyone he knew at this moment in time, but he didn't want to feel like what they were doing was wrong either. It was something else to add to his anxiety, but he wouldn't have changed last night for the world.

It became clear to him pretty soon that Ben felt the same as he did. He was obviously trying to act like nothing had changed between them, and to others it was probably no different to how it had been the day before, but Callum was hyper aware of the way Ben would look at him when no one else was watching, the way his face would light up when they spoke. And Ben was just there, his presence a welcome balm in the strange and anxious situation of running a school trip. On the boat on the way over to the Statue of Liberty, he’d hung around as Callum had sat downstairs on the main deck refusing to go upstairs (“I hate boats, Ben, let me just panic here in private.” “I’ll stay with you, once you’ve seen one statue you’ve seen them all right? Also what kind of person organises a trip with 2 boat rides in it when they can’t even stomach going on one themselves?”) then he had given Callum a made up, factually incorrect but hilariously funny guided tour of Liberty Island itself. At the 9-11 memorial he had quietly, non judgmentally stood next to Callum when the moment and the place had gotten too much and he had a minute of realisation that had made tears come into his eyes (“I’ve seen it before of course, but being here, it's the first time I’ve actually thought about how many people it affected”). And he’d sat next to Callum during the basketball game in the evening, pointing out the plays and game plans and trying to explain something more about the game more than “you just stick the ball in the net, right?” to someone who hadn’t got a single clue. And he’d done it all with a small smile, a brief press of fingers when no one was around and a look in his eyes that made Callum’s breath catch in his throat whenever it was directed at him. No one ever had looked at him that way before, it was a little scary but he never wanted Ben to stop.

And that night was much like the first, the minute they were alone and safe in their room, they collapsed onto the bed, as close as two people could get, and made out like teenagers for what seemed like hours. Callum wanted to kiss Ben all the time, he was addictive. They were lying on their sides, faces pressed close together, when Ben whispered, “what are you doing on Monday?”

Callum moved his hips slightly, feeling the intake of breath from Ben as their cocks slid together underneath their jeans - Ben had flat out refused to take their trousers off this night until they were ready for bed - “you’re so hot, I don’t think I could control myself around you” he’d murmured into Callum’s neck as he pressed open mouthed kisses there - but even the denim was not enough to hide how turned on both of them were. “Easter Monday?” he asked, letting his fingers slide into Ben’s grasp and anchor him to the bed. “Nothing, Stuart’s taken Rainie away for the weekend so I’ll be by myself.”   
“Lola, Jay and I are taking Lexi to the Easter Fayre in the town. Come with us. You can stay the night as well if you like.”

Callum gulped at this, a confirmation of a date and the connotations that went with staying over at Ben’s. “Are you sure? Isn’t it family time?”   
“Lexi adores you, she still thinks you’re Superman, she’ll be pleased if you come. And Jay and Lo like you more than they like me, they won’t mind either. I’d love you to be there, I want you there, please say yes.” Ben tilted his head, looking at him out of clear blue eyes, hope shining out of them.

“Yeah, OK,” Callum gave in gracefully, knowing he also wanted that more than anything. “And yes, I’ll stay over too.”

“Good,” Ben murmured and pulled him back in, over his body, rejoining their lips in more kisses.

Ben had spent a lot of time watching Callum but this was like nothing he’d seen before. Maybe it was because now he knew Callum liked him, he knew what it felt like to be able to kiss him, to touch his face and his hands and his body, but he had never felt more warm around the man than he did now. And it helped that Callum was the single most incredible person he’d ever met. Gorgeous, sexy as hell, both when out and about and in bed, the way he looked beneath or above Ben, his hair soft from where fingers had tugged through it, so hot he burned brightly. But he was also beautiful from the inside, a proverbial ray of sunshine. It would have been easy for him to turn bitter after what had happened in his past and yet, he’d turned everything into a positive and was this giant of a man, both literally and figuratively. This trip, the way he’d organised it and the way he handled the kids and spoke to them, believed in them, made Ben’s heart sing. He’d been like these kids, still was really in some senses, and he would have killed for a Callum Highway to believe in him, to talk to him, to show him he meant more than his background or parentage. And Callum didn’t even realise how much it meant to them all, just cheerfully getting on with the days, taking the kids to all the touristy things whilst also doing the special stuff he’d organised just for the school trip, a visit to Pythagorize the Flatiron building, a trip to Wall Street, a workshop from broadway stars.

On the day of their last night in New York, they were going on a boat trip around Manhattan and were walking to the pier. Ben was watching Callum, as normal, as he spoke to the kids about what they’d done on the trip and their futures and that they could do anything they wanted to when it hit him. He wanted to do something special to show this man just what he had meant to the kids on the trip, to him - not just because of what was happening between them but because of everything he had done, all the faith he had shown since they had become friends earlier that year. He dropped back a little to talk to Whitney, knowing she’d agree - she’d made her feelings about Callum perfectly clear and it still amused him and annoyed him equally that Callum was clueless. 

“It’s a great idea, what do you think we should do?” she agreed quickly when he explained.

He’d seen a tacky gift store just on the other side of the road, an idea forming in his head. “You know he’s a bit soft, likes all that touchy feely stuff. Why don’t we get him a book, get us and the kids to write him messages in it?”

Whitney had started off scowling at his description of Callum - she didn’t know that actually Ben loved that about him - but she ended smiling. “That’s a lovely idea Ben, he’ll love it. We can give it to him tonight at his awards evening.”

So Ben had slipped into the store and picked up a New York notebook. It was easy enough to get the kids to write in it, Callum hated boats and had sat himself down at a table inside, pretending he’d volunteered to just look after all the bags and paperwork instead of not wanting to move around whilst the boat was moving. All the kids went upstairs and Ben only waited so it looked like he wanted to stay and needed Callum to wave him away before leaping up the stairs. The three of them wrote their messages first and then they spent the rest of the trip getting all the kids to write theirs too, the book filling up with words of thanks, gratitude and fondness for a teacher that had given them the experience of a lifetime. Book completed, Ben slipped downstairs, hid for a few minutes away from everyone and turned to the back pages where he let everything, his thoughts, his feelings, pour out into the book, before he slid it into his backpack out of sight and strolled in to sit opposite Callum like nothing had happened.

Ben was on tenterhooks through the visit to the Rockefeller centre, through dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe, watching as everyone just enjoyed their last night together. They had a slow walk back to the hotel through Times Square and Callum made the kids sit in the lobby whilst Ben ran upstairs to grab the bags he had stashed in their room on that first morning. When he got back down, an unusually nervous looking Callum clapped his hands together and stood up. “Hey, everyone, I just want to say something. This has been the best trip I’ve ever organised and it’s down to all of you. You’re all credits to the school and to your parents and it’s been a pleasure and a privilege to share this experience with each and every one of you.” Callum paused and Ben noticed some of the kids starting to look a little tearful and some of the hotel staff they’d gotten to know over the week listening in with smiles on their faces. “I know it’s our last night here, I know, I know, it’s a dreadful feeling! But we do have something really nice for you.” He turned to Ben, raising an eyebrow and sending him a wide grin. “Mr Mitchell, do you want to start?”

Ben stepped forward, setting the bag down and removing the pile of certificates from it. Callum’s idea (which he had snorted at when it’d been suggested to him but now, now he was here and had experienced this whole magical trip, now he thought it was the most lovely thing in the world. God, he was so gone for this man) was an awards ceremony, where each child got a certificate and a small momento of their trip. The four staff had spent a funny hour last night writing certificates and a small speech for each child, awards ranging from The Best Dancer to The Most Confident. They’d decided to start with one of Ben’s kids, an older boy who would just lap the whole thing up and respond so well the others would react in the same way.

The four of them took it in turns to speak and give each child their turn to shine and the kids responded so well to it, some of them giving a speech back, others being so embarrassed they just scurried back to sit down, but all of them applauding each other, cheering, loving the whole thing. And Callum stood at the back, watching, eyes full of joy and happiness as he surveyed the scene. After the last kid had sat down, Callum stood back at the front. “We haven’t quite finished yet,” he said, turning and smiling at the three adults behind him. “There’s three people here who we couldn’t have done any of this without, so we all want to say a big thank you. Jasmine?”

A girl stepped forward, holding a bag in her hands and stepped up to Tiff. “Mrs Baker, having you here has been the most fun I ever thought I would have. You’ve been there for all these fab experiences and I’ll never forget trying on all the lipsticks in Macy’s with you and then getting lost on all those stupid escalators! Thank you so much for all you’ve done for us,” she handed over the bag to Tiff who had started to cry, tears rolling down her cheeks. Ben shot a look over to Callum, knowing where this was going and the feeling hit him suddenly and swiftly in the chest - he was falling in love with him, how could anyone be so caring and sweet and wonderful and not expect anything in return?

Jasmine sat down and another girl stood up, this time going to Whitney. “Miss Dean, we all know how much you love music and drama and you’ve inspired me during our time here to want to do more and to be the best I can be. I want to say thank you for giving up your time to share that passion with us all and make this trip the best ever.”

Whitney was also crying by now and Ben was sure, so sure he wouldn’t start. But Callum was smirking at him as he gestured for the last child, Harry, a year 9 boy who Ben just adored, to step forward. “Mr Mitchell, I know you only agreed to come on the trip last minute but I am so glad you came. You’ve made this whole thing so much fun for us all, even if you did convince us all the plane was going to crash on the way here. You really are the coolest teacher in the school - sorry Mr Highway, Sir!! - but more than that, you’ve given up time with your family to make this special for us and we all appreciate that more than you’ll ever know. Thank you so much for helping make this the best trip I’ve ever and am likely to ever go on.”

Ben was not going to cry, but he did have to blink back tears firmly as Harry handed him the bag of presents and gave him a fist bump. Callum was watching the three of them with a self satisfied smile on his face, obviously not having any idea of their secret present for him. Ben wanted to grab him and hug him and kiss him so badly it was like a physical ache in his stomach. It was clear Callum thought that was it as he stood forwards ready to give the last instructions for meeting in the morning when Ben was finally able to move.

“Wait, wait,” he called. “We’re not quite done!” He let his fingers bruh against Callum’s arm lightly, out of sight of everyone else, avoiding his inquisitive gaze. He turned to face the kids. “There’s one more person who we need to thank. He organised this whole trip after it sort of fell on him and he’s made this into the most fantastic, amazing experience that any of us have ever had. Without him, this would not have happened. Mr Highway, thank you from all of us.”

The kids broke into applause and cheers as Ben handed over the notebook, pleased with the dumbstruck look on Callum’s face and tears standing in his eyes. One of the kids started with three cheers and not only the group but the hotel staff and other guests who had been listening all joined in and Ben noticed the sudden gulp, the swallow, the way Callum looked down at the floor as emotions threatened to overwhelm him and he had to hold himself back from enveloping him in a hug. He dismissed the kids with a final call of “seven am down here, don’t be late!” and as they left he watched as every single one said thank you to Callum.

Callum took the book, looked at the first page and gulped again, looking up at the three of them. They made a right sight, Ben decided, all of them emotional, tearful, but so happy. “Thank you, so much,” Callum said, his voice wavering. “I can’t…. I can’t read this yet, it’s so lovely thank you. I…. I meant it all, you’re wonderful, so wonderful, thank you for doing this with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better team.”

Tiff sniffed a little, opening her bag. “It’s been our pleasure,” she smiled. “But what have you gotten us?”

Callum laughed a little. “I brought something based on what you said you liked, but I did also give the kids some cash and told them to choose something for you. I hope you like what they chose.”

Ben opened his bag to find a New York Knicks basketball top, and a Statue of Liberty headband, a packet of New York biscuits and a set of brightly sequinned pens. The gifts were small but it still got him in the heart, that these kids had chosen them for him and him alone and it made him feel warm, happy, content and he caught Callum’s eye and smiled.

It felt like ages until they could escape to their room and Ben had never wanted the checks to go so fast. He waited until the door was locked before tackling Callum to the bed and finally, finally, getting his mouth on his man. “You’re amazing,” he whispered into Callum’s neck, mouth, jaw, lips, anywhere and everywhere. “You’re amazing, you’re wonderful, you’re beautiful.”

Callum whimpered underneath him, hands grasping Ben’s shoulders and pulling him closer, his eyes turning hazy under Ben’s praise. “Ben,” he groaned, tilting his head to allow Ben better access. And Ben responded, letting his kisses and lips and mouth show Callum what he thought about him, even if he couldn’t put it into words. He never wanted this to end, this wonderful bubble they’d created for themselves and so he tried to make sure that this last night in their hotel room in New York was as perfect as the man lying beneath him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is really nothing but pure fluff!  
> All of the things did actually happen on a real school trip, I tried to cut them down a bit because I’m not sure how well they read, but I wanted to show how much Ben is falling for Callum and so I left it all in. Sorry if it’s a bit long winded!


	11. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally get there!  
> This is a lot of smut, just as a warning.

Callum shot another look at the clock on his bedside table, cursing when the too red numbers showed it was still only 3am. He’d been trying - and failing - to sleep, too nervous and excited about the day to come. It was Easter Monday, his first proper date with Ben and the nerves that came with the invitation to stay over had finally gotten the better of him.

They’d had to part with little chance to talk when they’d got home on Saturday, what with Lexi flinging herself on Ben when she saw him, parents all trying to talk to Callum and Whitney hanging around him. But when he was home he’d texted Ben to let him know he was ok and back safely and that he hadn’t fallen asleep on the tube thank you very much and then they’d not stopped messaging all day and into the night, keeping each other awake from the dreaded jet lag. And they’d continued all day Sunday too, Ben sending him a running commentary of his family's Easter lunch and the drama that went with it. Even hearing him through text had made Callum smile, not feel so lonely. Because it was hard, after spending so long with loads of kids, friends and Ben every day to go back to being just him, in a flat, only his TV for company.

He missed Ben. He missed everything about him, the way he made him laugh, the way they could just chat for hours, the way he made him feel by being there, the way he’d look over and smile or press his fingers to Callum’s arm to ground him. And since last week, he missed how he kissed, how his body felt when it was pressed close to Callum’s, how gorgeous he was when he directed his full attention to Callum, how he made Callum feel. It’d been so long since Callum had felt anything like this, it was overwhelming.

Which was why he was still awake at 3am, thinking and worrying about what could go wrong on their date.

Eventually he gave it up as a bad idea and at 6 in the morning was sitting at his table, plate of half eaten toast in the middle, leg jigging, looking on his maps app, wondering at how long it would take to walk to Ben’s instead of getting the tube as he was going crazy just sitting alone with his thoughts. 

And on the way to Ben’s, he made a small detour, to a little pharmacy out of the way where he’d never go back, to buy condoms and lube in preparation for what may happen that night and he stashed them right at the bottom of his backpack, cheeks flushed.

He was still so nervous when he reached Ben’s flat, the chilly April wind causing his cheeks and fingers to be so cold he fumbled when he reached for the buzzer. Ben must have been listening out for him, for he had barely had a chance to press it when he was being let in and on entering the hall, he saw the front door being yanked open and the man himself tumbled out, all eager eyes and warm smiles. “Hey,” he called out, striding towards Callum.

On seeing him, it was like all of Callum’s nerves had vanished, he felt a massive smile split his face in half. “Hey,” he replied back, a little breathlessly.

There was a small hesitation as they met, each raking the others face with eyes that asked the question and then Ben moved forward, cupping Callum’s cheek and kissing him softly. Callum reacted instantly, hands going to Ben’s waist, lips moving sweetly against the ones pressed to his. 

Ben ran both his hands down Callum’s arms, frowning slightly as he looked over him. “You’re cold,” he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “Would you like me to help warm you up?”

Callum laughed, rested his forehead against Ben’s, looking into the sparkling blue eyes directed at him. “Maybe later. Don’t you have an excited kid waiting to go out?”

“God, don’t remind me!” Ben groaned, chased Callum’s lips for one more kiss, then released him. “She’s so excited she’s been up since 5. Add the fact that you’re coming, she hasn’t shut up all weekend! She’s driving me crazy!” He pulled Callum into the flat, then swallowed hard, looking at the backpack Callum was carrying. “Shall I take that to my room? Lex and Lo are in the kitchen if you want to go through.”

Ben would normally tease, say something innuendo laden and the fact that he was so serious, so earnest about what they both knew was happening that night made it so real for Callum, made the butterflies start again in his stomach and he now knew that it meant a lot to Ben too, that he was nervous as well. Keeping an eye out, for they’d agreed not to let Lexi know about their true relationship yet, he bent his head and caught Ben’s bottom lip between his own, noticing the way he reacted when they broke apart, an almost dazed look on his face. “Thanks,” he whispered between their lips.

As Ben disappeared into his bedroom, Callum made his way into the kitchen where he was met with a head of blonde hair, first jerking up to stare at him and then with a screech, running at him and headbutting into his stomach as Lexi grabbed him around the middle. “Callum! Cal, you’re here, now we can go!” she cried, as he picked her up and gave her a proper hug.

“Hi, munchkin,” he beamed, at this little girl who had managed to worm herself into his heart already. “I guess that depends on your mum, she may not be ready to go yet?”

He directed the last at Lola, who was standing watching them with a smile on her face. “No, we can go now, we were just waiting for you. Well, Ben’s been watching the clock for the last hour and waiting by the window, to be honest!” she moved forwards, and brushed her lips over Callum’s cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Callum,” she whispered to him, her smile genuine and her eyes fond. “I’ve told Ben not to fuck this up, so just let me know if you need me to sort him out for you at any point.”

Ben and Jay were waiting in the hallway for them, and the five of them set off for the fair. Callum had never imagined at the start of the school year that this would be what he was doing, going for a day out with his boyfriend (is that what they are now? He’s not sure and he can’t just ask, can he?) and friends and looking forward to the day so much. Lexi was hanging off one of his hands, her other clasped in Lola’s as she asked them to swing her “as tall as you are, Callum!”, and then giggling madly as they did it. 

The fair itself was nice, rides set out around the towns square, little stalls with games and sweets, a big wheel at the far end and Lexi was in her element, begging the adults to buy her candy floss, getting them to try to win her the unicorn she was desperate for and then clutching Callum’s hand and begging him to take her on the waltzers. “Mummy and Uncle Jay hate them and they make Daddy sick,” she confided in him. “Please can you take me?”

“Sure, Cal can take you,” Lola said when Callum had turned startled eyes on her, the unexpected question catching him off guard. And so he had found himself holding Lexi’s hand in the queue for the ride, looking over at Ben, Lola and Jay who were sitting on a bench whilst she chatted away nineteen to the dozen at him. It was only when they sat down in one of the waltzers that she stopped, crossed her little arms at him and fixed him with a stern gaze. 

“My Daddy is happy when you’re around,” she told him seriously and Callum knew he had to tread carefully.

“I’m happy when he’s around too,” he said, honestly.

“I like my Daddy when he is happy. So I want you to promise me that you will always make him happy, you won’t make him sad. He’s had lots of people make him sad, see. I don’t like that.”

Callum wondered how on earth it had happened, that he was getting a shovel talk from a seven year old girl. “I promise I will always try to make your Daddy happy,” he said in the end. “I don’t like to see him sad either. Or you, Lexi, I want you to be happy too.”

“Good,” she said, “I’m glad, Callum, because I like you. And I think my Daddy likes you too.” 

Callum didn’t know how to reply to that, too overcome and a little breathless by the ferocity of the little girl who obviously adored her father so much, but he didn’t need to say anything as the ride started and Lexi began to grin again, whooping and cheering and convincing him to spin her round so fast she was dizzy. At the end, she grabbed his hand again, all smiley and lovely and it was like the whole thing hadn’t happened. 

Ben sat on the bench, watching Callum and Lexi on the waltzers. They had been talking about something quite seriously before the ride started but now Lexi was screaming with joy, letting Callum spin them around so fast they were almost a blur. He watched with a rising feeling bubbling up in his chest. How had he met someone like Callum, gorgeous, fabulous with his daughter, smart and who liked him too? It never seemed to happen like that, everything falling into place. The only thing he wished was that he could hold Callum’s hand, kiss his cheek when they were out in public. But he was so aware of what had happened in his past, how scared he was of coming out fully at school to everyone that he knew and not just his friends, and he knew that was something that would take time to happen. 

Jay nudged his arm. “Better put that look away before he comes back, bruv,” he advised with a laugh.

“What look?” Ben was affronted. 

“You’re looking at him like he hung the stars and the moon in the sky.”

Lola joined in with the laughing. “It’s true, Ben, you’ve got it bad. But I do have to say, he is a keeper. Look at him with Lex. If you ever mess things up, I’m keeping him.” Ben scowled, tried to shove Lola but he knew deep down it was true. 

They spent the rest of the day on rides in the fair, Ben only grumbling a little about the cost of them, the puppy-dog look on Callum’s face as Lexi made him go on things with her more than made up for the extortionate prices. The last ride they went on before leaving was the big wheel and Ben thanked every god he could think of that Lola and Jay grabbed Lexi and took her into a carriage with them, leaving him alone for the first time that day with Callum. As they reached the apex of the ride, out of the sight of everyone else, he let his fingers brush the other mans, trying to hide his smile when Callum interlocked their hands immediately. “Have you had a nice day?” he asked, trying to act like he wasn’t hot and bothered just by the simple act of holding hands with someone. “Lexi’s been running you ragged.”

Callum smiled at him and it made his entire world light up. It was the look in his eyes, the way he bit his lip as he looked over at Ben, slightly shy but so happy and it was then Ben realised, it wasn’t holding just anyone’s hand that made him feel so giddy, it was just Callum. Being here with Callum, holding Callum’s hand, just everything Callum that brightened up his world. “I’ve had a brilliant day,” he said. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“It was my pleasure,” Ben said softly, letting his thumb trace patterns over the back of Callum’s hand. “Hey, I realised when we were talking this weekend. You staying over, I never made it clear that nothing has to happen. You don’t have to feel pressured into doing anything and if you want I can sleep on the sofa.”

“Ben,” Callum’s voice had dropped low, “I know that staying over comes with connotations. I want it.”

After that, Ben had never wished for the rest of the day to happen so quickly. After the big wheel, they left the fair and went home, ordered pizza as that was Lexi’s favourite and watched Disney movies with her. Even though he loved Lexi so much, the evening dragged and it seemed like ages until Ben and Lola could take her to bed. When they came back into the living room, Jay and Callum had set up for their movie, popcorn and beer and wine in glasses on the table, the lights switched off and a table lamp on, casting a soft glow over the room. Jay was in a chair and Callum, looking nervous, was sitting at one end of the sofa. Lola sat on Jay’s lap and Ben took the other end of the sofa.

It didn’t stay that way for long, as soon as the movie had started and the lights were dimmer, Ben inched closer to Callum, noticing that the elder man was watching him and not the TV. He sent a small smile in Ben’s direction, holding an arm out and Ben literally dived down the rest of the length of the sofa, curling up with his head on Callum’s chest, hand resting on his thigh. One of Callum’s arms slid around his back, cuddling him in close. It was all Ben had ever dreamt of, someone who was willing to hold him and make him feel wanted.

He couldn’t really say what the movie was about, and after it had finished Lola and Jay wished them goodnight and left and then it was just them, the lamp the only thing lighting the room, golden colours playing over Callum’s face, highlighting his cheeks and his nose. Ben sat up, letting his eyes roam over his face, mesmerized by how gorgeous he was. Callum let his hand drift until it was running through Ben’s hair, looking at him. “What?” he asked eventually, “ do I have something on my face or something?”

“You’re beautiful,” Ben breathed, sliding his thumb over Callum’s lips.

Callum closed his eyes, breathed deeply, a rose flush settling over his cheeks. The way Callum reacted to praise was something Ben enjoyed so much, and it was so easy to say things like that to him, it made his head swim with how much he wanted to make Callum feel good. For now, Callum let the compliment sit for a while, before letting Ben’s thumb slide in between his lips, sucking on the pad gently, the gesture sending heat straight into Ben’s stomach. “So are you,” he whispered, opening his eyes that had darkened to a deep blue. Ben couldn’t resist it any longer, he leaned forward and replaced his thumb with his lips, kissing Callum like he’d wanted to ever since he’d walked into the flat that morning. 

The kiss was instantly deep, Callum gasping the minute their lips touched and Ben taking advantage, throwing a leg over his thighs so he was sitting on his lap, hands roaming across his neck and back and shoulders and jaw. Callum had his hands on Ben’s face, fingers around the back of his head pulling him close. Their tongues touched, swirling around in each other’s mouths and Ben tilted his head, got a better angle and nipped at Callum’s lips, sucked at his tongue. Until Callum moaned into his mouth, hips bucking up without control and Ben realised instantly he was hard in his jeans, matching Ben’s own predicament. He pulled back, not far but enough to notice how Callum looked, pupils blown, lips already red and kiss-bitten, breathing heavy, everything Ben had ever wanted. “Bed’s more comfortable,” he suggested softly.

Callum’s hands tightened around his head, fingers pressing against the short hair at the back of his skull. “Yeah,” he managed to say, his voice so wrecked from just one kiss that it made Ben’s trousers feel even tighter. They stumbled off the sofa, towards Ben’s bedroom, their progress hindered by the fact that first one then the other were pushing and being pushed into whatever wall was closer, kisses so deep and meaningful that Ben had to grab Callum’s arms just to keep himself upright. Once they were finally, finally into his bedroom, the door closed behind them, he pressed Callum into the wall, hands grasping his wrists and kissed him over and over until the elder man was keening, moaning into his mouth. He broke the kiss, sucked at Callum’s neck, feeling his fingers grasping at Ben’s waist and noticing how his breathing was ragged and then he looked at him, sliding his hands over Callum’s arms until their fingers interlocked. “You sure you want to do this,” he asked, needing to know.

“Yes, Ben,” Callum groaned.

“Tell me,” Ben practically begged, needing to hear the words, the consent from the other man.

Callum swallowed, looking deep into Ben’s eyes. “Want you to fuck me, Ben, want you inside me.”

Ben moaned at that, letting a kiss swallow the sound, he knew from Callum’s past how much this meant to him. “OK,” he whispered finally. “OK. I’m sorry, but you gotta try to keep quiet, cos of Lexi.” Callum nodded, pressing in for another kiss, and another and another and Ben wasn’t sure how long either of them would last in this state. “We’ve got all night, babe, want me to take the edge off first?”

Callum laughed a little at that, fingers still entwined with Ben’s. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to last more than you just touching me at this stage,” he admitted.

“Wanna blow you, if that’s ok,” Ben asked and at Callum’s gulp and nod, he leaned back in for more kisses. He released Callum’s fingers and moved his own to Callum’s waist, sliding them under the hem of his top and looking to make sure this was ok before pulling the T-shirt up and off, flinging it in the room somewhere. Callum repeated the gesture for him, hands grazing his ribs as he pulled the top upwards, releasing his lips as it came over his head and then returning for more as soon as possible. Ben let his hands trace the contours of Callum’s chest, shoulders, back without any restrictions - it was the first time they’d removed any clothes since this had started and he wanted to make the most of the chance now. Eventually, he pulled back from Callum’s lips, kissed down his jaw and his neck and started to sink to his knees, fingers tracing a pattern over Callum’s chest, briefly stroking against his nipples, dipping into his belly button, running down the trail of hair leading into his jeans. He looked up at Callum once he was kneeling, eyes on his face as he languidly cupped his erection through his jeans, rubbing his fingers gently across the fabric. Callum looked down at him, lips parted, eyes so blown they were black in the dim room, and nodded once and that was all Ben needed.

He slid the zipper down on Callum’s jeans and slowly slowly peeled them off his legs, throwing them to one side once Callum had stepped out. He ran his hands over his thighs, fingers brushing through the soft fine hairs as he followed the path with his mouth, butterfly kisses pressed to soft skin, to Callum’s inside thighs, to his stomach, feeling the man shudder above him. He briefly pressed his mouth against Callum’s cock, hard in his boxers, feeling it harden against his mouth as he lightly sucked against the fabric.

“Ben, god, Ben,” Callum moaned, low and soft in the room above him, fingers carding through Ben’s hair. “Please….”

Ben needed no more encouragement, watching Callum’s face as he hooked his fingers into his man's boxers and finally pulled them down, releasing Callum’s beautiful cock. He took a minute to breathe, to look at the wonderful man giving himself up to Ben before leaning forward and gently, oh so gently kissing the head. He slowly licked a strip down the side of Callum’s cock, down to the base, relishing in the stifled groan from above him, before kissing the way back up to the tip and licking across the slit, the taste of Callum flooding his senses. He rested his hands on Callum’s thighs, waiting with the tip of his dick pressed against his lips, eyes fixed on Callum until blue eyes dropped to meet his. Callum was flushed, mouth open, chest heaving and as their eyes locked, he pulsed against Ben’s lips just from the eye contact alone and that made Ben want him even more. Ben didn’t take his eyes from Callum, watching him watch as he finally took just the head of his cock into his mouth and sucked.

Callum’s head knocked back against the door as he muffled his moan in a hastily flung arm across his mouth, trying to keep his eyes on Ben through sticky lashes, fingers flexing in Ben’s hair. Ben worked his way down slowly, wrapping his fingers around the base of Callum’s dick, until his lips met his fist. He paused a second, keeping Callum there in his mouth until he heard the hitch of breathing, felt the shudder through Callum’s stomach, thighs, fingers and then he started to move, taking more each time. He hummed around Callum’s dick, knowing just what that would feel like and doubled his effort, lips, tongue and mouth all involved in trying to blow Callum’s mind. 

It didn’t take long for Callum to start trembling, quivering with Ben’s movements. “Ben… I’m close….” he managed to whimper, voice cracking.

Ben pulled off his cock, smiling up at him. “That’s what’s supposed to happen, babe,” he said, before taking all of Callum back in, relaxing his throat so he could take him deep, into him as far as possible. With the most delicious sound, Callum was coming, deep into Ben’s throat, pulsing, shuddering, fingers gripping tightly into Ben’s hair, eyes shut, head thrown back. He was the most beautiful thing Ben had ever seen.

Ben was a little shaky himself as he got back up to his feet, so hard it almost hurt, standing on his tiptoes to bring Callum’s face down to his so he could kiss him, allowing Callum to suck on his tongue, to taste himself on Ben. Callum was breathless, fingers still trembling as they tried to undo Ben’s jeans as they kissed, pushing him back towards the bed. Eventually between them they managed to get Ben’s trousers and boxers off and Callum pushed him down on the bed, hovering over him. “Can I touch you?” he asked and Ben nodded against his lips as Callum finally let his hand drift, running fingers lightly over Ben’s aching cock.

“Not gonna last long, baby,” he admitted between kisses, letting his fingers trail over Callum’s back. “You’re too hot.”

Callum huffed a little at that, pulling back so he could look into Ben’s eyes, forming a fist and starting a rhythm that had Ben bucking helplessly into his hand. “You can talk, you’re pretty hot yourself,” he whispered back, lips touching, watching where Ben’s cock was shuttling through his fingers. “Gorgeous. Beautiful. Lovely.”

Each word was punctuated by a kiss, by a twist of his wrist that had Ben muffling his moans into the broad shoulders above him and then with a wicked smile Callum let his fingers drag across the slit of his dick, thumb catching just underneath the head and that was it, Ben was like an exploding supernova, he couldn’t stop the orgasm from hitting him. Strips of come covered his chest and Callum’s hand, toes curling, the world stopped spinning for a second, it was just the two of them. Callum kissed him through it with slow sweeps of tongue, arms wrapped around each other, safe in this cocoon they’d created.

They kissed for what seemed hours, curled together under Ben’s duvet, soft, small kisses that lead to confessions pressed into skin, talk of parents and growing up, hopes for the future. It made Callum’s head spin to think that he had this, someone to confide in, who listened to him and made him feel special and wanted. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to let Ben see the depth of feelings that must be present, surely it was too soon for that four lettered word to be popping into his head.

“You happy?” Ben whispered against his lips, noticing the change in atmosphere.

“Yeah,” Callum smudged it back mid kiss. “Yeah, I am,”

“Good,” Ben pushed himself up on one elbow, tracing his fingers over Callum’s chest and then moved so he was hovering over him, biting his lip. “Do you still want me to fuck you?” 

There was an underlying seriousness to the question, a hesitance there that Callum could understand. This was so big, for both of them. For Ben, he knew he’d only ever traded in casual sex, hook ups, not bringing anyone back to sleep at his house so that Lexi could be protected from his choices. This, having Callum stay over, having sex with someone that he actually cared about was rare. And for Callum himself, this was the first time he’d been able to let himself do this since he had been forced out. There were so many questions running through his mind, but the one at the forefront was what if I’m not good enough, what if he doesn’t want me afterwards? But this was Ben and he wanted to try, to risk it more than doing nothing and letting the moment pass like he’d done so many times in his life to now.

“Yes,” he breathed it between their mouths, letting his fingers settle on Ben’s hips and pull him down so he was blanketing his body. Their lips met again, this time with more purpose, kisses so slow and lazy Callum felt like he was sinking. He was only aware of the points of contact between them, their mouths, his hands in Ben’s hair, Ben’s fingers moving over his arms and sides, his knees against the outside of Callum’s thighs. Amongst the wet slide of their mouths, he rocked his hips down once, into Callum’s, their cocks brushing each other’s from the movement. Callum couldn’t stop the whimper deep in his throat, the way his hips bucked up with no thought at the pressure of Ben’s half-hard dick against his own.

Ben made a noise into his mouth at the feeling, eyes pressed shut as he breathed unsteadily, then blinking darkened eyes open. There was just a pause where they stared at each other before Ben pressed a butterfly kiss against his cheek. “Hang on, I need to get the stuff,” he said, swinging his body off Callum’s and rummaging through his drawers.

Callum immediately missed the warmth of him, but the sight of Ben, naked and aroused, hair tousled from where his fingers had run through it, was worth the absence. “My backpack,” he managed to say.

Ben turned back to him, bottle of lube and box of condoms in his hands and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah, eager were you?” he teased lightly.

Callum huffed a laugh at what Ben was holding. “Not the only one, I guess,” he said.

“They’re new,” Ben offered softly, eyes tracking what Callum was looking at. “I went and got them yesterday, just on the off chance you’d want this. It’s not from anything I’ve done in the past.”

Callum shrugged at that. “Ben, it’s fine, I know your past and it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Or what I want to happen.”

Ben threw the lube down somewhere, put a condom packet on the drawer top and then climbed back onto the bed, nudging Callum’s legs open and settling between his thighs as he leant down to kiss him thoroughly. “You’re incredible, Callum, I… I love that about you,” he whispered in between kisses.

Callum lost track of time as Ben kissed and kissed him, teeth grazing lips, tongues exploring mouths, building the heat between them. Ben slid his hands down to Callum’s wrists and moved his arms above his head as he kissed him, fingers pressing into Callum’s pulse point, Callum was sure he could feel how fast it was racing. “Tell me to stop if you want me to,” Ben murmured into his skin and then he set about a slow and tortuous exploration of Callum’s body. He trailed his fingers down Callum’s arms whilst he kissed his neck, sucking a mark just underneath his jaw and running his lips down the column of his neck towards his shoulder. He then stroked his fingers across Callum’s collarbone, into the dip at the front of his neck, lips following the fleeting strokes of his fingertips, gently nipping at the skin. Callum was powerless to stop gasps of pure pleasure at the sensation, trying to muffle any louder sounds in the pillow, feeling every caress in his stomach and rapidly hardening cock.

The trail moved over Callum’s sides and chest, fingers lingering over one nipple, pressing harder against the small nub. Callum couldn’t help the jolt that ran through his body at that, nor avoid the smug smile on Ben’s face. “You like that?” he asked, looking up at Callum coyly through long lashes and then bent to his task with abandon, not once letting his eyes fall from Callum’s face. His fingers carried on playing almost lazily with the nipple he’d reached, but he moved his mouth to the other one and with a wicked glance upwards, he kissed it, mouth hot against Callum’s chest. He took his time alternating fingers and mouth until Callum was a gasping mess above him. Only then did he start to move again, in the same fashion, mouth following fingers, maddeningly slowly. This was the best kind of torture, Callum decided, brain floating in a haze of absolute pleasure.

He dipped his nose into Callum’s belly button whilst his fingers grazed over the trail of hair downwards, then pressed hot kisses against Callum’s belly, worshipping the skin there. His hands slid to Callum’s hips, thumbs rubbing slow circles as he dropped his lips lower, Callum’s stomach fluttering in anticipation. And then with another wicked grin upwards, Ben skipped his cock totally and moved down the bed, showering the same affection onto Callum’s knees, legs, calves. It was too much sensation, as well as muffling the noises that kept pouring out of his mouth, Callum had to close his eyes and fling an arm over them, the image of a beautiful Ben kneeling between his legs, getting pleasure from giving him pleasure was too heady. As Ben sucked another mark, this time on the soft skin just above his knee, he gave in. “Ben,” he whimpered, voice breathy and high from the need, want, pleasure coursing through him. “Ben, please….”

He felt Ben’s lips curve into a smile against his knee, uncovered his eyes to see the way Ben was looking up at him, face still pressed against his skin. “Thought you’d never ask,” he said but Callum could see in his eyes, in the tremble of his fingers, the sweat glistening at his hairline, the sweet smile on his face that this meant everything to him too. He pressed another kiss where he was resting and then moved upwards, trailing kisses and fingers over the sensitive skin on Callum’s inner thighs, rubbing his stubble more against them as Callum gasped, leaving more marks from teeth and mouth that made Callum’s head swim, knowing he’d feel them there for days after. 

Ben pushed at Callum’s knees, getting him to open his legs wider and reached behind him on the bed. Callum heard the snick of the bottle of lube being opened as Ben watched him, his breathing quick, his heart pounding. And then finally, Ben leant forward, taking just the very head of Callum’s cock into his mouth and sucking lightly as one wet finger slid down, circling his hole gently. He let his other hand rub against Callum’s hip, over his stomach, eyes fixed on his face as he slipped the finger inside just to the first knuckle and waited, watching carefully.

It was like all of the breath had vanished from Callum, dried up and gone with his groan at the sensation. Ben’s lips wrapped around his cock, one hand stroking the sensitive skin over his belly, the other inside him, eyes still watching intently. It was too much and not enough at the same time. He rocked down onto Ben’s finger, noticing how Ben's eyes grew even darker and his fingers on his stomach clenched at what was happening. “More, please,” he begged.

Ben hummed around his cock, sending even more shocks of pleasure down Callum’s spine as he slowly, slowly slid his finger in deeper. He set an easy rhythm then, letting the finger drag slowly within Callum at the same pace as his mouth around Callum’s cock. Callum couldn’t stop the noises from spilling from his throat no matter how hard he tried, the feeling of Ben’s finger stroking over and over inside him overwhelming.

Ben popped off his cock, biting his lip as he gazed hungrily at the sight before him and it made Callum shiver to be the sole recipient of that look. He blew gently over the tip of his dick, cool air making Callum’s toes curl as he added more lube and then gently pushed a second finger in, letting his mouth close again around Callum’s cock to help with the burning stretch. 

It was building now in Callum’s stomach and chest, white hot pleasure just on this side of too much. The delicious stretch of Ben’s scissoring fingers inside him, almost lazily fucking into him, learning him from inside out, the warm mouth around his cock, the sight of this gorgeous man giving him everything. Callum could barely form words amongst the moans and whimpers he was making. “B...Ben…..,” he managed to stutter.

Ben’s fingers stopped moving immediately, removing his mouth from his dick, eyes suddenly worried. “Cal…..” he whispered.

“Too much….. I’m…. gonna come… want you in me first,” Callum was aware how wrecked he sounded, but how much he wanted to continue. He let his fingers stroke Ben’s cheek tenderly, he was so sexy. “Kiss me?”

Ben smiled at that, a full genuine one that lit up his entire face and surged up the bed, getting his lips back onto Callum. His fingers started to move again even though the angle was more difficult. “Need another finger first, baby,” he murmured in between kisses. “You’re so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Look at you.”

Callum knew he was bright red from the words, the look on Ben’s face, the way he was fucking him with his fingers now, deep, so deep inside. He pushed up for more kisses, hiding his hot face against Ben’s. As they kissed, Ben added more lube and slid the third finger into Callum. He’d had this done to him before, a long time ago, but not like this. Ben’s fingers were stroking everywhere, sliding into and out of his body, kisses turning more into open mouthed breaths against each other as the sensations got so intense, muffling moans against and into each other's mouths. Callum didn’t think it could get any better. And then Ben curled his fingers just so and his world exploded into bright white hot light, he muffled a sound he’d never heard himself make before into Ben’s shoulder, fingers digging into Ben’s back, knowing he must be leaving marks. Ben didn’t seem to mind, his other hand came up to cup Callum’s cheek to keep him where he wanted him, watching as the older man fell apart below him as he let his fingers brush that special spot over and over. 

“Ben,” Callum moaned. “Ben…. need you,”

Ben stifled both of their moans with a kiss, slow, deep, gently tipping Callum’s head back into the mattress. “Ok, baby,” he whispered into Callum’s jaw, peppering that with kisses. He slid his fingers out and Callum felt bereft suddenly, grasping hold of Ben’s arm as he leant over to snag the condom. His fingers were trembling as he fumbled open the packet. “Need you too.”

“Let me help?” Callum requested and together, they rolled the condom over Ben’s dick and Callum let his hand linger as he lubed it up, three, four strokes that had Ben bucking into his hand.

“Better stop,” Ben murmured into the tiny space between them. “Or else I’m not going to last long at all.” He grabbed a pillow, raising Callum’s hips to where he needed to be and then settled himself above Callum, looking down into his eyes, and Callum raised a hand letting it trail through the damp hair curling above his ears and cup his cheek. “Are you sure?”

“I’m ready,” Callum whispered back, pulling his man down for a tender sweet kiss. He felt the head of Ben’s cock resting at his entrance and then finally, the stretch as he pushed inside. He had to close his eyes at the sensation of being filled as Ben carried on the slow movement until he bottomed out and then he stopped, paused. With his eyes shut, Callum’s other senses were more alert, the feeling of Ben shivering above him, the sound of his breathing, fast and short, a hitch in every inhale, his breath fanning over his face, the tiny quivers as he tried to hold still and the fullness, the velvet clad steel heat that seemed to reach right up to his heart.

He struggled to open his eyes, lashes sticky with desire, and found himself gazing into Ben’s, inches from his own. They were black, his mouth slightly open as he tried to control his emotions, and as Callum opened his own eyes, Ben dropped his head so their noses were brushing, breathing into each other’s mouths. “Ben,” Callum tried to whisper but it was more of a gasp, “Ben….”

That was all Ben seemed to need because he let his fingers trace patterns over Callum’s skin, stroking his side and ribs and he whispered back, “Cal….” before dropping his lips so they were just barely kissing, a brush of lips and tongues only, and then he started to move. He slid out gently before quickly pressing back in, smoother and quicker, slow long languid thrusts that let Callum feel every last inch of him sliding in and out of his body. Their lips met, tongues twisting at a similar pace. It was quiet in the room, just the hum of their breathing and lips parting and touching again, the soft sound of skin meeting skin as Ben moved. Callum let his hips rise to meet the thrusts, letting Ben curl into him at the sensation. He pulled back from Callum’s lips, resting their foreheads together and let their eyes meet. Callum couldn’t tear his eyes from the man above him, even though normally he’d find it too intense to stare into those expressive eyes, but now, Ben was looking at him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered, that giving Callum this pleasure was all that he wanted to do.

It felt like it went on for hours, this long slow gentle push and pull that had Callum feeling so much, but eventually Ben changed, getting his weight more over his knees and picking up a quicker, deeper rhythm that had Callum’s fingers grasping at his hips as they breathed into each other’s mouths, quiet moans filling the air around them. And then Ben rolled his hips just so and Callum was suddenly flying, having to stifle his cries in his man's shoulder, neck, anywhere he could bury his face as he shuddered apart. Ben was thrusting into that same spot, tipping Callum back into the pillows, moving faster and deeper and feeling so good Callum was so close to the edge, teetering on the precipice. He raised his legs, wrapping them around Ben and pulling him in even closer, feeling every press of Ben’s cock against that spot inside him that filled his world with stars. He could barely form words but tried, “M’close,” he whimpered out, face still pressed into Ben’s neck to hide the loud noises he couldn’t stop making.

Ben shifted, pulled Callum’s face out of his neck and leant in, just watching. He reached down and wrapped a hand around Callum’s dick, hard, red and weeping by now. “Me too, babe,” he whispered back, not moving back an inch, watching intently as Callum got closer and closer. “Come for me, Cal.” He gave one, two twists of his wrist to Callum’s cock and that was it, sending him free falling over the edge of the cliff, toes curling as his orgasm hit hard, clenching on Ben, come shooting over his own chest. With a moan himself, Ben was pulsing inside him, falling at the same time and it was like nothing Callum had felt before, the feel of Ben’s orgasm deep within his body, stars exploding behind his eyes as Ben’s weight finally fell onto him, quivering through aftershocks as they both tried to breath through it.

It took a while for Callum to get his bearings back, to realise Ben was collapsed on him, his dick still inside him, Callum’s own legs still entwined around his waist holding him in place. With a groan he released his legs, letting Ben slip out. Ben tied off the condom and threw it in the direction of the bin, leaning over the bed to grab one of their T-shirt’s and swipe it over the mess they’d made on both of their chests. Callum pushed him back down and kissed him, once, twice, slow swipes of lips and tongues. “Hey,” he pushed into the skin below him.

“Hey yourself,” Ben smiled back at him, returning the kisses lazily, “you ok?”

“Pretty sure you just fucked my brains out,” Callum admitted, loving how Ben laughed, eyes crinkling up.

“I aim to please. I am good in every sort of physical activity, you know, I am a PE teacher,” he raised his eyebrows suggestively as he pulled Callum closer, snuggling into his side.

Callum shook his head at that. “Do those cheesy chat up lines actually work?”

“Well, you’re in my bed, so I guess it did.” He let his mouth slide over Callum’s in a soft kiss. “Although I’m not planning on trying them on anybody else, so I’ll guess I never know.” He paused, letting his fingers slide into Callum’s hair. “You sure you’re good?”

“Never better,” Callum promised, and set about kissing his man until their lips were sore and they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms


	12. May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a fluffy filler chapter, before we reach the mess that is June.....

Somehow, they’d not spent a lot of time apart since Easter. It still blew Ben’s mind that this was his life, that someone like Callum wanted to spend time with him. They’d been on dates away from the schools area and spent hours just talking, lounging around and sharing tales of their lives. Lexi loved having Callum around too and that was just the icing on the cake for Ben, that the two people he cared about most in the world seemed to love each other too.

The day after they’d first slept together had been one of nerves for Ben. He’d been pretty sure that Callum had had enjoyed the night, based on the way he had reacted when Ben had been fucking him with fingers and cock, the way he’d wrapped himself around Ben once they were lying in the afterglow and how long he’d been kissed during the night and the following morning. But Callum had had to spend the next day with his brother and the self doubts had crept into Ben’s mind without his presence there. When Callum had texted him at the end of the day, he’d been so crazy with anxiety that he’d face timed him there and then just to see the look on the elder man's face when they spoke. Even now, he was still unsure of their relationship - he just couldn’t believe that Callum would want him, that he was too good for Ben. And Callum had looked so lonely and so worried when he had told Ben about his day with Stuart, about how he had told Stuart about Ben and how it had gone better than he expected even though that actually meant that Stuart hadn’t shouted abuse at him that Ben had broken his promise to keep things slow and had invited Callum over that night as well.

They’d spent all the rest of the Easter holidays together, sharing their time between their flats. The first night they’d spent at Callum’s flat had been a revelation to Ben, finally being able to hear the noises that Callum made when they had sex. He’d made it his job to wring every possible sound out of his man and they had not gotten out of bed for more than food and to clean up for a few days. Those days were like gold dust to Ben, the cries of Callum still echoing in his head as they had fucked, switched around and fucked again, until they were both sore. The highlight of the Easter holidays for Ben, however, had been the bath they had taken together at the end of the sex marathon, when he had sat in between Callum’s legs, being washed and cared for and doing the same for the older man. Although not sexual in its connotation, the tenderness and the depth of the feelings that he was developing for Callum had been encapsulated in that one perfect moment.

As they went back to school and May came around, they hadn’t let up on time spent together out of school. In school was almost like torture for Ben, seeing Callum around all the time but not being able to show that they were more than friends was more difficult than he’d imagined. He had after school and the weekends to try to keep him going, the times when he could just spend the day with Callum with no one around apart from his family and just enjoy being with him, even if Callum was marking, complaining about staff and trying to sort out next year's timetable. And the sex was incredible. Ben had always prided himself on being good in bed and knowing how to please his partner but this was different, this almost all consuming need to be with Callum, to give him the pleasure he’d missed out on in previous years after what had happened to him. Callum was so responsive to everything it made Ben’s head swim just thinking back over their time together - the way Callum had almost sobbed when he’d been rimmed for the first time, coming untouched from that alone, how he looked when he rode Ben into the mattress, the flush and hazy eyes he’d develop whenever Ben would praise him, how he’d learnt the quickest way to send Ben tumbling over the edge when sucking his dick or fucking him slow and deep the way Ben liked it. Ben’s favourite memory was the time he’d tied Callum’s wrists to the headboard using one of his silk ties and edged him for hours with lips and mouth on cock, fingering him until he was a writhing mess on the bed and then fucked him so slow that it seemed like they had been at it all night. Callum had looked like sin laid out beneath him, his moans filling the air, the way he’d looked up at Ben with all heat and want and desire and the way his body had reacted to anything Ben had done to him still made tendrils of heat curl through his belly at the thought of it. And then the next week, Callum had turned up at the Monday staff briefing, turning around as he walked in late so he could catch Ben’s eye - and he had been wearing the tie Ben had used for the restraints. Ben was still not sure how he had gotten through that day without getting the sack.

He’d never met anyone he wanted like Callum, never met anyone he could see himself still wanting years in the future. And although they’d only been together for a short time, he could feel the realisation dripping into his soul. It wasn’t just the sex with Callum, it was everything, the way he wanted to spend time with him, the way he felt when Callum hung out at his house, with his family, how easy it was to talk to him and how all he wanted to do every day was see him, talk about their days, cuddle on the sofa. He was falling in love.

There was only one big problem, and that was that he couldn’t tell anyone outside of Jay and Lola about what was going on between them. Callum was still not fully out yet, still too scared and frightened of what had happened to him in the past and Ben had promised he’d wait and help and support him through the time he needed to sort his head out. And he meant it, but he hadn’t figured on how hard it actually was to not be able to claim Callum as his, to hold his hand in the pub,to kiss him on the cheek when he left.

Callum had never thought he’d be the sort of person to have a month like he’d just had. He’d gone from not having or missing sex to seemingly always wanting it. Just the sight of Ben, eyes turned on him with the intense gaze he always seemed to have when Callum was around made the heat flicker in his belly. And it wasn’t just the sex, although that was amazing, it was everything about Ben that turned him on, even those days when Ben would pop into the maths department to throw a casual maths joke at one of his classes, Callum knowing he must have learnt them especially for him. He was the happiest he had been and he was starting to wonder whether coming out fully to everyone at school was something he wanted to do. 

Just before May half term they were snuggling one evening on the sofa in Callum’s flat, when Ben raised his head from where he’d been peppering Callum’s collarbone with kisses. “What are you doing over the bank holiday weekend?” he asked, fingers playing with Callum’s lazily.

“Nothing,” Callum shrugged. “Maybe setting up a revision plan for the GCSE’s…. what?” The last as Ben had raised himself off Callum and was looking at him incredulously.

“My god, I’m dating a geek,” he groaned, but that didn’t stop him from diving down and capturing Callum’s mouth in a kiss. “Do you wanna come away for the weekend with us? Me, Lo, Jay and Lex, we’re going to Brighton just for a few days in a caravan. Come with us.”

Callum had checked with Lola but had been powerless to refuse Ben anything and that was why on the Saturday after school had broken up he was in a packed car, sitting next to Ben who was driving with sunglasses on, music turned up, singing along loudly, a super excited Lexi in between Lola and Jay on the backseat, suitcases piled in the boot.

The weather had been lovely for the end of May and the break had been just what he needed. They’d taken Lexi to the beach every day, strolled around eating chips and ice cream, cooked meals in the caravan (well, Callum and Lola had cooked, he’d had one of Ben’s meals since they’d starting dating and vowed to never touch anything he cooked again) and spent balmy evenings sitting on the decking just chatting and laughing. He’d never had this with his family and it would have made him envious, except for the fact that they made him feel so welcome. Jay had already planned their entire Star Wars rewatch, including all the stand alone films (Ben had rolled his eyes at this, “it’s like you and Jay are dating, the amount of time you’ll have to spend with each other!”), Lola had told him with her arm linked through his that he would always be welcome no matter what happened between him and Ben. Lexi was adorable, and seemed to like him a lot, she would hold his hand, ask her to do things with her and just sit and chat to him for hours. He loved that, loved the looks on her mum and dads faces when she was telling him something, sitting in his lap, asking him to carry her home when she was tired. And, of course, Ben himself. He’d always made Callum feel like he was part of the family, that he was welcome whatever they were doing. It was the way he’d automatically curl into Callum when they were sitting down, the way he’d reach to touch him anywhere, a hand on his neck, thigh, stomach as they watched tv, the way he’d make Callum’s coffee just the way he liked it, how he’d now only buy chocolate biscuits. It made Callum warm all over.

They’d gotten used to being quiet during sex whilst at Ben’s flat with Lexi sleeping nearby but this had been so much more difficult, holiday sex seemed to make Ben more eager, more keen to completely wreck Callum every single night and his body was littered with so many bruises, scratches and bite marks he was sure it was obvious what they got up to in their bed. And it didn’t help that because they were out of London they didn’t need to hide their relationship and Callum could just tell, from the way they stood just that little bit too close to each other, the way their fingers would brush parts of each other’s bodies and the way they looked at each other that there was no denying what they were to each other, marks or no marks. Being there, being able to be free to hold Ben’s hand all day, to tilt his head back and kiss the salt off his lips from his chips whenever he felt like it made him want to come out. It scared him, he hadn’t given himself the opportunity to feel like this since Chris, but for the first time since then he was starting to make plans for the future and how to come out at school was featured in them for the first time. He loved Ben. It was that simple.


	13. June Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not around tomorrow so have the next chapter a day early!

Ben was starting to feel a bit niggly. He wasn’t sure exactly when it started but he was getting more and more frustrated with Callum and the fact that he hadn’t told anyone about them and their relationship. He loved spending time with the older man, nothing pleased him more than being able to talk to him and see him everyday and the fact that he couldn’t do it was starting to annoy him, to get under his skin. It didn’t help that although Jay and Lola knew about them, no one else in his family did. His mum was still trying to persuade him to go out and meet a nice boy every weekend, showing him photos of people she’d found for him to date and he was running out of excuses as to why he wasn’t in the slightest bit interested. The monthly dinner at his dad’s was even worse. Ben had spent his life trying and failing to please his father and family meals, when it was obvious how low he sat in his dad’s esteem, were like torture. He wished that Callum had been able to be there, having someone on his side would have made a difference when his dad started having a go at him or asking him to get involved in his next dodgy deal. 

This weekend had been worse than normal, Phil spending lunch making digs at Ben and then cornering him afterwards to tell him that he had some more cars coming into his lot next week and he wanted Ben to put out feelers with their contacts to try to sell them off quickly. Ben had tried to protest again, after what had happened in January, he’d tried to prove that his teaching career was more important to him than helping out with dodgy deals, but ultimately he’d agreed as it gave him at least some good standing in his dad's eyes. When he’d got home still fuming, he’d sent Callum a text asking him to call just so he had someone to talk to about the whole debacle but Callum had still been out at Stuart’s and hadn’t even seen the message until too late. 

So he’d started the week in a bad mood, he knew it was unfair to blame Callum, to think that if he’d been out and with Ben then this wouldn’t have happened but it was easier to channel his anger and frustration into his boyfriend than his father. So he’d been a bit snippy all week, making little comments that he knew set Callum’s teeth on edge, not sending him their usual text messages all day, replying to his concerns with one word answers. He just needed time to work this out of his system and Callum would understand, he always did.

On Friday Callum had sent him a rather tentative email early in the day  _ are you going to Pub Club later? Maybe I’ll see you there?  _ and Ben had ignored it for as long as possible before sending a three word reply  _ going with Jay. _

He knew it was petty and he needed to stop but he just couldn’t seem to. Of course, when he was sitting with Jay, nursing a pint and Callum walked in and just looked over at them, all big doe eyed hurt radiating from his face, Ben realised he’d probably taken it too far.

“What’s going on?” Jay demanded, finally noticing the tension between the two of them.

Ben groaned, dragged a hand over his face. “Callum won’t tell anyone he’s with me,” he grumbled.

“I don’t blame him what with the way you’ve been all week!” Jay exclaimed and then he looked closely as Ben. “What else is it Ben, you’ve known Callum would find it hard to come out for months and it’s not bothered you before.”

“Nothing,” Ben snarled, downing his pint, eyes fixed on Callum. He’d turned away so he wasn’t directly facing them, but it was clear he wasn’t at all comfortable, shoulders tense, posture tight. He kept on darting glances over, and it got Ben right in the heart how sad and upset he looked, knowing it was him that had put it there.

“Just go and talk to him,” Jay suggested, voice softer than before.

But as Ben was about to swallow his pride and go over to Callum, Whitney swooped in, standing next to Callum at the bar, her hand resting on his arm. She leant into him, saying something with a giggle as she made heart eyes at him. Ben knew Callum would never do anything, would never respond to her, but it made his blood boil that he let her do it, didn’t point out that Ben was his boyfriend and that he wasn’t interested in her. He narrowed his eyes, glaring over at them. And then Whitney leant upwards and moved to place a kiss on Callum’s lips.

Callum jerked back immediately, he was obviously saying something to Whitney about how that was not appropriate but Ben had reacted straight away. His hand had formed a fist as he gripped the edge of the table, sending daggers over to the bar. “Ben,” he dimly heard Jay say, hand touching his arm as Callum turned to face him fully, horror, sadness and guilt all flickering over his face. And all Ben could do was stand up, shaking Jay's hand off his arm, tilting his chin up defiantly at the man watching him and he stalked out of the pub with the red mist descending furiously over him.

He didn’t get far before he heard the door open behind him and Callum’s panicky voice calling his name. Turning around he waited whilst the older man caught him up and pulled him around the side of the pub. “Ben, I’m sorry, you know I’d never do anything like that,” he panted out, hands still gripping Ben’s arms.

Ben shook him off, squaring up to him. “No, I don’t know that Callum! Every time we’re out she’s all over you and you never say anything to her!” he snapped back.

“You know why I don’t….” Callum started, fingers starting to twist together.

“Yeah I know! And you want to know what, Callum? I’m sick of it. I’m sick and tired of pretending I don’t care about you and what you’re doing. I’m fed up of never being first in your mind, I don’t want to be your dirty secret anymore.” 

“Ben,” Callum managed to get out, reaching out for him but Ben refused to let him get closer. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do,” Ben spat it out, “and you know what? You’re a coward. You’re willing to let Whitney or anyone get close to you, to hurt them, just to keep your secret? You are a coward.”

The fight seemed to go out of Callum at that, a look passing over his face that Ben hated to see, hated the fact that it was him that had put it there. “You’re right,” he whispered and then he pushed past Ben and walked away, head down, not looking back. 

And Ben just stood there, wondering what on earth had possessed him to say that to the one person he cared about most in the world, guilt, hurt and anger all coursing through him but powerless to move or call after the man. He was no good for Callum, he’d known that all along, maybe this was for the best. However he had to ignore the tears prickling at his eyes and the gaping hole in his chest, watching as Callum left him.

Callum had sent him a text later that night as he sat in his darkened room alone, ignoring his daughter, bottle of whiskey in hand, still thinking about what he’d said, how he’d treated Callum all week.  _ Can we talk?  _ flashed on his phone, but he ignored it, finger hovering over the delete button. Callum deserved more than him, someone who would help and support him through what he was going through, someone who didn’t have a father who was trying to ruin his life, someone who could give him every little thing he deserved. So he chose not to reply, just drank more and more to numb his pain. Callum also rang once, on Saturday, and didn't leave a voicemail when Ben just sat and watched his name flashing on his phone screen instead of answering it. And after that, nothing. Ben should have been pleased he’d stopped trying to contact him, instead he turned to even more alcohol to try to avoid the feelings trying to claw their way out of his chest.

It was Sunday afternoon when the knock sounded on his bedroom door and Lola stormed in, sitting on the bed next to Ben and glaring at the empty bottles littering the room. “This is an intervention, you muppet,” she announced, loudly enough to make Ben’s head hurt. “You need to listen to what I’m going to say, think about it and get your head out of your ass before it’s too late.”

“Just leave it Lola,” he muttered in response.

“No, Ben, I’m not just going to leave it because he is the best thing that’s ever happened to you and you’re not just going to screw it up because of your dad. Cos that’s what it is right, you don’t think you’re good enough for him so how can you be good enough for Cal? And you’re pushing him away because it’s easier than getting hurt.”

Despite the fact she’d seen the truth, Ben tried to protest, even if it was weak. “He won’t tell anyone about us, it’s like he’s ashamed!”

“You know that’s not true,” Lola said, resting a hand lightly on his leg. “He adores you but you know his past, you know how scared he is and you promised to help him and support him as he came out. I know it hurts when he says nothing, you love him….”

“Hey,” he interrupted harshly, “who said anything about love?”

Lola shrugged. “You don’t have to say it Ben, it’s written all over your face when you look at him, when he’s in the same room as you. You love him. And he loves you too. But you’ve never given him all the information he needs to come out. He’s frightened of what could happen to him and to his career and you’ve not told him how much you feel for him and so he’s scared, scared of losing you, scared of losing his job, scared of everything. And you haven’t told him because of how your dad makes you feel. Ben you can’t live your life like that. Callum cares about you so much, you deserve to be happy so just let him in, tell him the truth and support him. That’s all he ever wants, you know.”

Ben felt a sob rising in his throat, eyes filling with tears. “I was awful to him, Lo, I said some horrible things to him.”

“So apologise and tell him how you feel. He loves you Ben, he’ll listen, he’ll understand.”

They spent a few hours in Ben’s room, Lola hugging him as he cried out all his pain and regret on her shoulder until his stomach hurt with the emotion. But he knew she was correct and he wanted to make things right between Callum and himself so much. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” he promised her, fingers clutching into her tear stained ruined T-shirt, “I want to see his face when I talk to him, not do it over the phone.”

She nodded, pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Jay and I are proud of you Ben. We’re always here for you,” she whispered.

Ben made sure he looked presentable for school on Monday, hair as perfect as he could make it to distract from his too pale face and slightly reddened eyes. He made sure he was at the briefing early, wanting to gauge Callum’s mood as he walked in, sitting next to Jay half way back the side nearest the door. Jay had been great with him, driving then in, making him a strong coffee and now sitting next to him, knee knocking his as he got more and more nervous. Callum was amazing, wonderful, caring but Ben knew he’d been awful all week and he couldn’t get that hurt look that had resided in Callum’s eyes out of his brain. He didn’t know how Callum would react to what he had to say, or if he’d even want to listen to him after ignoring his text and call over the weekend.

In the end it didn't matter as the maths department turned up and no Callum was seen. Ben was disappointed, he’d wanted to see the other man and had built their first sight of each other up in his head, but he also wasn’t surprised. It was usual for Callum to miss briefings, if he got caught up in sorting out a problem that had arisen in maths or if he had to deal with a parent or student or member of staff. Ben wasn’t concerned, just made plans to head over to maths at lunch to see if he could arrange a time to properly speak to Callum. 

The first inkling he had that something wasn’t right was at the start of third lesson when he looked up and saw Jay striding over the playground towards him. That was a surprise, one because Jay had once said he’d never be seen dead coming over to a PE lesson and two because he was sure Jay had classes all day.

“What’s up,” he called as Jay grew nearer and he could see the other man was in a bit of a state, face pale and worried, hands twisting. “Don’t you have a class waiting?”

“Yeah but Ben, I gotta talk to you. Some of the kids in my second lesson, they were complaining about how awful their maths lesson was today. They’re kids in Callum’s class, you know, the ones who rave about him, say he’s the best teacher they’ve ever had.”

“Jay,” Ben interrupted his rambling, a feeling of worry starting to grow in his stomach. “What do you mean, they were complaining about Cal?”

“Well I thought maybe he was in a state after what had happened between you? So I asked them how he was, was he feeling ok, was he acting strange? And they looked at me like I was crazy. They told me it wasn’t Mr Highway that they had this morning, he’s a fab teacher, but they had some strange bald man who said he’d see them all week.” Jay finally breathed heavily, eyes full of concern. “I checked it out on the cover board. Ben, Callum’s not in school. He’s not in all week.”

Ben didn’t know how he lasted until his free period that afternoon, but somehow he managed to get through the day with substandard lessons and snapping at kids left right and centre. He checked his phone every second he got but there were no more messages or calls from Callum and that made the whole thing seem even worse. Was he so upset he couldn't come into school? Was he hurt? As soon as he was able to, he made his way over to the maths department to actually see what was going on himself. Peering around Callum’s classroom door carefully, he saw a sight that made his heart ache. Callum had worked so hard this year on getting his classes to love maths again, to be enthusiastic and enjoy being in the department and he had been so successful that it hurt to see one of his classes sitting with scowls on their faces, lounging in their chairs, obviously bored at the short man that was droning on at the front of the room. The minute they saw him they perked up a little, one of the kids even waving and smiling at him and the supply teacher stopped what he was doing and positively glared at Ben. “Oh, hello,” he said, unable to resist. “I thought I’d heard about the most incredible lesson that was going on over here, I just had to come and see it myself.”

“Who are you?” The supply teacher, Ben didn’t even care to read his name off the board, sniped at him.

“Where’s Mr Highway?” Ben ignored the question and lounged against the doorframe trying hard to look like he didn’t really care.

“I don’t know. I’m here all week though. Now, do you mind?”

The kids were shaking their heads at Ben, looking as confused and worried as he felt, but there was nothing else he could do in Callum’s room. He did look into the other maths classrooms as he wandered through the block, but all the other teachers were doing lessons and ignored him as usual. There was not a lot of love lost between him and a group of teachers he’d never had any inclination to speak to until Callum had turned up and completely changed his world. Now he was wishing he’d spent more time with them so he could go and ask one of them what was going on.

On his way out he paused at the headteacher's office and on a whim he strode in. Ian was sitting at his computer, tapping away at something (Ben was almost certain it was the cricket scores but of course that was not something Ian would ever admit to) but he looked up with a puzzled frown on his face as Ben knocked on the door.

“Everything OK, Ben?” he asked him, resting his fingers under his chin as he stopped what he was doing and regarded the Head of PE.

Ben was almost sure by now that it must have been written over his face, his concern and worry about where Callum was but he was also so aware that no one else knew about their relationship and thus their fight so how could he ask any questions without giving things away? But he was so desperate to know he had no choice. “I was wondering where Callum Highway was,” he eventually said, dropping all sarcasm and sass in his concern.

Ian stared at him for a while, eyes unreadable. “Callum, head of Maths, Highway?” he inquired. “Why? Why are you so bothered about why he’s not in school? What is it to do with you?”

That stung, deep in his heart, that no one had any idea of how special Callum was to him and how crazy he was going not knowing what was going on. He tried to fudge an explanation together. “It’s just it’s the GCSE exams, Ian, surely he needs to be in school to keep an eye on what's going on. He wouldn’t let me take the Year 11s out of maths this year, so why would he be away during such an important time?” Ian was still looking at him and Ben knew, just knew, that his reason was flimsy as hell and stupid. He could feel the desperation clawing out of his chest, his throat. “Please, Ian?” he begged. “I just want to know he’s OK.”

Ian sighed, but his eyes had softened a bit. “Look, I can’t tell you anything Ben, but he’s OK. Confidential information, you understand, I’m sure. Why don’t you go and focus on PE and leave Callum alone, all right?”

He turned back to his computer and Ben had to bite back the comment that rose to his lips, instead focusing on storming out of the room. Once he was away from the office he leant his head back against the wall, breathing hard. He had never felt like this before, so out of control and crazy over something that he couldn't do anything about. It felt like a massive ball of fear had just started to reside in his stomach and he couldn’t get rid of it no matter what he tried to do. Opening his eyes, he saw that he had stopped opposite Callum’s office. There was one more person that knew Callum well, that Callum confided in about lots of stuff and he figured he had no other choice but to ask her.

Knocking on the door, he could see Tina, the head of English, working at her computer. She looked up at him, the same puzzlement flickering over her face but she waved him in as she finished what she was doing. He sat down gingerly on Callum’s chair, trying to keep his emotions in as he looked around the office, at the maths jokes Callum had stuck to the wall behind his computer, the papers covered in his spidery writing strewed around his desk. He must have failed somewhat as when Tina finally looked at him, the puzzlement on her face changed to concern and then absolute bewilderment. Ben supposed he deserved it, he’d never actually made any effort to speak to Tina before and he knew the sight of him prowling around without trying to cause trouble must have been so unusual for all of the staff over here. “Are you OK?” she asked him gently and it was that that caused Ben’s heart to break a little, for the tears to fill his eyes even though he blinked them back furiously.

“I just want to know if Callum is OK,” he whispered.

He couldn’t read the look on her face, but she leant forwards slightly and touched his knee. “I don’t know much, honestly. He’s been given compassionate leave but I don’t know what for. He sent me an email yesterday saying his phone is out of battery and he doesn’t have much internet access but wanting me to keep an eye on the department for him. He’s OK but I don’t know more than that, I’m sorry.”

Ben shut his eyes and breathed in deeply. At least Callum was in contact with someone, he was OK even if he still didn’t know what was going on and for now that would be all he could hope for. “Thank you,” he said, appreciating Tina’s kindness to him more than she would ever know, aware that he hadn’t deserved it from her, she didn’t owe him anything but she had been understanding to him anyway.

“He’ll be back in on Friday,” Tina added sympathetically, her eyes soft as Ben opened his finally. “Talk to him then, maybe?”

That evening, sitting in the living room and trying to keep his mind on Lexi as she prattled about her day at school, Ben could still feel that monster trying to claw its way out of his chest. He wished more than anything that he could talk to Callum, that he could apologise for the things he’d said and done, that he had just replied to the message or call at the weekend and then Callum may not have felt that he had to do this all by himself.

Even though Tina had said that Callum’s phone had no battery he couldn't resist sending some messages, in the off chance he’d see them and know Ben was thinking about him, couldn't stop thinking about him.

_ I’m so sorry _

_ I really miss you _

_ I hope you’re OK _

_ I need to talk to you, please call me _


	14. June Part 2

Callum curled up in bed, wanting to do anything to stop this feeling from taking over him. It was Saturday, the morning after the argument at the pub and he wished more than anything that he’d had the courage to do things differently. Ben was right, he was a coward, taking the younger man for granted, assuming he’d be ok whilst Callum tried to pluck up the courage to tell people he was gay. He’d been thinking of coming out for a while now, but every time there seemed to be a reason not to do it. He knew he was procrastinating, the real reason hidden down inside of him, but he’d always promised himself next time and then when the next time came around he couldn’t do it then either. It was a vicious circle.

He’d sent Ben a text message on the Friday night, knowing that he wouldn’t respond, probably still self destructing after what he’d said, but just wanting him to know that he was around and wanted to sort things out. It was worse this time, he’d become so used to spending all of his free time with Ben and his family that now he knew he wouldn’t see them this weekend his loneliness had come back, tripled in terms of its intensity. And it wasn’t like he could call Stuart to just chat about what had happened, so he had no one but his own thoughts to wallow in. It would be so easy to just stay in bed all day, feeling sorry for himself, but he dragged himself up. He made sure he got dressed although he skipped breakfast and then pulled out all his plans for next year and sat in the middle of his living room with papers spread around him, trying to focus on curriculums and schemes of work rather than the enigmatic PE teacher that haunted his every moment.

It was mid afternoon when he was startled by the sound of his phone ringing. It took him a while to find it, underneath a pile of papers strewn about around him, hoping so much that it was Ben but knowing it probably wasn’t. He was still disappointed when he found it to see that an unknown number was flashing on the screen. Normally he’d avoid these types of calls but today he was feeling so lonely that he slid the answer button to the side and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hello,” he ventured, voice slightly raspy from disuse.

“Hi, is that Callum Highway?” a vaguely familiar female voice sounded through the phone's speaker.

“Yeah it is, who is this?”

“I don’t know if you remember me? I’m Vicky, Chris’ sister.”

Callum looked at his phone, blinking slowly. He remembered Vicky, from the happy year he’d spent with Chris, she’d become almost like a sister to him whilst his family were breaking down all around him. She and Chris had been so close, and even now with him living in Newcastle they still were. Callum hadn’t been as open with Ben about the extent of his renewed friendship with Chris since he’d contacted him back in February. Their relationship was different now but they’d fallen back quickly into a close friendship. It had been so helpful to have someone to talk to about Ben when things were happening and Chris knew him, was on his side and wasn’t scared to give him both a virtual pat on the back or a shove up the backside when he was being silly. Chris had spoken a lot about Vicky recently, asking if Callum would visit her in London as she was by herself and they had no other family, just the two of them. Callum was going to arrange to see her over the summer holidays and he wondered if something had happened to her and she needed help now, why else would she be calling him? “Are you OK?” he asked cautiously.

She took a deep breath and even over the phone Callum could hear the trembling in it. “Yes… no, oh Callum, I’m sorry to call you. I know he’d want me to but I don’t know how to say this or tell you and I have no one else to talk to either….”

A cold feeling of dread was settling over Callum’s stomach. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?” he asked gently.

Vicky paused, Callum could hear the hitch of tears in her breathing. “It’s Chris,” she said, voice breaking. “He’s dead.”

Callum was numb, not sure he’d taken in fully what had happened. Vicky had explained that Chris and his husband Will had been driving back from a concert when they’d been hit by a drunk driver  _ “they didn’t stand a chance,”  _ she’d said with a break in her voice that let him know how badly she was taking the loss of her little brother. It was the whole irony of the situation that was getting to Callum though. He’d only just reached out to Chris again, rediscovered their friendship and found himself at the same time. Although it may have been strange to people who didn’t know him, he knew he owed Chris for the person he currently was, both in his career and in his personal life. Add onto that that Chris also had no one apart from Vicky to help look after him and it made his decision easier. He called Ian up when he was more with it, on his work mobile phone on a Saturday afternoon, he could only imagine what Ian would be thinking.

“Callum,” Ian said in obvious surprise when he picked up the phone. “What’s wrong?”

Callum knew he had to tell a little white lie to get what he wanted. “My cousin was killed in a car accident this week. His funeral’s on Thursday but it’s in Newcastle and there’s no one but me to sort it out. I’d like to go up today and stay until Thursday, I’ll be back in school on Friday. I’ll take unpaid leave.”

Ian was silent for a minute. Callum knew his voice sounded like how he’d just spent the last hour, dazed, numb, teary and he also knew Ian well from all the work they’d done together this year and Ian knew that he wouldn’t ask for something like this without good reason. But Ian was also headteacher of a school and this was a big ask. In the end he sighed. “I’ll let you take it as compassionate leave, Callum,” he said gently, “I’m sorry for your loss. But I still expect you back on Friday.”

In a rush he packed up some spare clothes and rushed to his car, calling Vicky to tell her what he was doing. It was only when he was half way there that he realised he’d left his phone charger at home, still plugged in by his bed and his battery was already half depleted. He debated whether to do it or not, but in the end his heart won out, he wanted to be as up front and honest as he could, he missed the understanding and compassion and he wanted him to know he was ok even if they weren’t exactly speaking right now. He called Ben. And he was not really surprised when no one picked up and he didn’t have it in him to leave a message, but at least he had tried.

  
  


The next week was spent in a bit of a daze. Driving up to Newcastle on Saturday had been a trial in itself, he was probably in no state to be driving any length of distance, let alone over 250 miles. After he had called Vicky back he had debated for at least half of the journey about whether he should try Ben again before his phone died but eventually his head had won over his heart. Ben had ignored him for over a day now and had been nitpicking at him all week, and Callum knew he would need time to calm down before being able to talk properly about what had been bothering him. At the back of his mind was the worry about if he was being too much of a burden on the younger man and that was what made him decide to leave calling again. After all, if Ben ignored him again which he was likely to do, it would only make Callum’s doubts even louder and he couldn't deal with that, not when he was trying to get his head around what had just happened.

It wasn’t that he was still in love with Chris, but what they had shared, what they had been through had been so intense and so powerful that it was still such a prominent part of Callum’s past and he had been badly hurt by it. Ben had given him the strength to start to deal with it and he was so thankful. Their friendship had developed over the last few months since they’d reconnected, with a deeper understanding of where they had been from and the different people they now were. Callum found it hard to let people in, Ben being really the only one since Chris himself, and having Chris back in his life had helped to centre him and see what he needed to do to make himself happy. And that made him feel bad, that he was somehow pushing Ben away, but he knew it wasn’t that. Chris was his past, and what had happened had changed him as a person and it was that acceptance of what had been that was enabling him to want to move forward, to the person that lit up his future, Ben. Both of them were important to Callum in completely different ways, but each of them meant so much to who he was and who he wanted to be, even if he still didn't know for sure if Ben still wanted him or if they were over. Chris had understood, had been there himself and it had helped having someone outside to talk to about what he was feeling. And now suddenly that support blanket, that understanding of what his father had put them both through, that rebudding friendship, had been pulled off so fast it stung like a plaster being ripped off his skin and he was struggling to deal with it. There was no way he was not going to go to Newcastle to help, to say his final goodbyes to the person who had helped shape his current life. But he also wanted to help Vicky, who understood loneliness too as she had no one to support her, he was not the sort of person that could just sit back and let someone go through hell by themselves.

It didn't even occur to him that he could have stopped off somewhere, bought a new charger for his phone, all he was focused on was getting to Newcastle and doing something to try to fill the hole in his chest.

There was at least a lot to do in Newcastle for the funerals so it kept him occupied. Chris’ husband had lots of family that could help and Callum was pleased he could be there to support Vicky as they went through the registration and planning process of the services. Evenings were spent sitting in his room in the B&B he had frantically found as close to where Vicky was staying as possible, flicking through TV channels whilst his brain raced, trying to keep his panic and anxiety at bay by watching ridiculous game shows and documentaries. He couldn’t contact anyone at home as his phone was now dead and although he knew he could have asked Vicky to borrow her charger he didn't have the heart at this time to put any extra bother on her.

The funerals were on Wednesday, and Thursday was going to be a memorial, for pupils at the school that both Chris and Will worked at. The funeral was a nice service but it brought everything back to Callum, the way his dad had treated them both, the way Chris had left Callum to deal with things and the way he had felt so alone and betrayed by everyone in his life. He grabbed a six pack of beer from a local supermarket and spent most of Wednesday evening drinking on a bench in a park, wishing more than anything that he could talk to Ben but thinking that it must have been over by now, he had just up and left and not said anything to Ben so how could they still be together? For the first time since he had been told, he sobbed bitter hot tears into the still air where no one could hear him and let himself grieve, for Chris, for Ben, for the person he was then.

On returning to his B&B, the proprietor called him over to the reception desk and handed him a letter in an envelope with his name printed on the front. There was no stamp on it and he guessed it had been hand delivered for him. On retiring to his room, he opened it with careful fingers and found a message from Vicky.  _ Callum, this was a letter Chris wrote for you when everything happened with your father. He never sent it to you, although I tried to convince him to. I think you should read it. It may help you. Thank you for everything you’ve done this week and I’ll see you tomorrow. _

He pulled out the yellowing paper from inside the envelope with slightly trembling fingers and smoothed it out, the instant recognition of Chris’ neat handwriting filling his chest again, and started to read.

_ Dear Callum _

_ I don’t know what to say to you to make things better. I wish I did, more than you could ever know. Everything about you is so brave, the way you just told your father the truth even though you knew how he would react, the way you stood by my side, the way you are proud of us. It breaks my heart to know that he would do this to you, hurt you so badly just to prove that he is right. And he’s not, he is so wrong because you are wonderful, just the way you are. And if that means that you’re gay and he can’t deal with that then he doesn’t deserve you in his life at all. _

_ But you see, I’m not brave, not like you. The way they treated us, the way they made us feel ashamed of who we are and who we love, I can’t stand there and fight it. I can’t be the person you deserve in your life. There’s nothing more that I want than for you to come with me, to start a new life together but it’s not the right thing to do. You have a career here, you have people that believe in you and want you to be the best damn teacher in the world. You’re brave enough to stay and face them and show that you are better than them all. How can I ask you to come with me when I can’t do that? I’m weak, Callum, I’m not like you and I wish things were different, but they're not. I can't forgive your father for what he did to me and my family and I can't stay to try to fix it and I can't ask you to give up your life for someone like me. So I have to leave you, even though it breaks my heart to do it. _

_ I hope you find someone who is worthy of your love, someone who is brave and wonderful just like you and who is prepared to stand next to you and fight when things get tough. But even then, know that I will always love you and be proud of who you are now and who you will be in the future. _

_ Chris _

Callum woke on Thursday, late, feeling a little worse for wear, the letter he’d read and reread for hours last night still on the side of the bed next to him. Thoughts about Chris, his father and his past were still swirling around in his head as he grappled around on his bed stand for the clock, swearing when he saw the time. He was such a lightweight that he’d overslept due to both the alcohol and emotional distress from the last few days. The memorial was due to start in a few hours and he had to go and pick Vicky up from her hotel, supposed to be driving her to the school where Chris had worked for the service. He staggered to the bathroom, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror and poured mugs of black coffee down his throat to try to wake himself up. Then he just sat down heavily on the bed, half dressed, smoothing the letter out with fingers that would not stop shaking. Eventually, he placed the letter carefully in the top pocket of his jacket and half an hour later saw him checking out of the B&B and making his way to Vicky’s hotel. She was already waiting for him in the lobby and when she saw him she rolled her eyes at him and took his car keys off him.

They didn’t speak much during the lovely service, letting pupils and staff at the school lead the proceedings which ended with a tree being planted with a plaque of remembrance. But after it had finished and Vicky had done all the expected speeches and thank you’s, they left, driving to a nearby park where they found a bench and their own personal memorial to Chris, a couple of bottles of coke and a cheese sandwich shared between them as they remembered what he’d been to both of them. It was the first time Callum had felt like he was able to talk about what had happened since he’d come up to Newcastle.

“Thank you for the letter,” he said, picking the label off his coke bottle almost hesitantly, not looking up at her. “It meant a lot to read it. But it’s not true, I’m not that brave person he thought I was.”

“It is true,” Vicky insisted. “What you did, what you went through, you were so brave.”

Callum wanted to be honest, to talk about the large ball of fear that still paralysed him, that made him struggle to get on with his life some days but it was hard to force the words out. Vicky seemed to notice, laying a hand gently over his. “He was so pleased when you got back in contact with him, you know. He thought the world of you, thought it was for the best if he left, thought you may be able to salvage your relationship with your family if he wasn’t around, but it hurt him so badly to let you go. Being friends with you again made him so happy.”

“I haven’t spoken to my dad since that day,” Callum finally admitted, looking up at Vicky and seeing the look of surprise that flittered over her face. “I couldn’t. And I hated being left at school alone. I hated Chris for ages you know, I couldn’t get my head around why he’d left me. Even when we started talking again I didn’t realise it was because he thought I was better off without him. It took a lot of time to get over what happened between us.”

Vicky looked sad, but understanding flashed across her face too. “I guessed it wouldn't be easy for you,” she said softly. “It tore both of you apart. It was the worst thing to see and not be able to help. I should have tried harder.”

“No one could,” Callum interrupted her and he touched her arm, hand lingering as he looked at her, willing her to believe him. “It was no one’s fault but my awful fathers”

Vicky slowly nodded. “Maybe you’re right,” she said and then paused. “Chris said you meet someone else?”

“Yeah, I did, I have. Ben. He’s…. he’s amazing, he’s sweet, wonderful, smart, funny, he was the one who convinced me to get back in touch with Chris.” Callum bowed his head, overcome. “I love him, Vicky, but he’s angry with me. See, although Chris said I’m brave, I’m not. I haven’t been able to admit I’m gay to anyone after my father and brother and how that damn school reacted. And Ben, he’s out and proud and he wants to let everyone know we’re together and I’m too scared to let him. So I don’t know if we’re still together or if he hates me. I wouldn’t blame him if he did, I’ve not been thinking of him, his feelings at all. I’m scared, Vicky, I’m scared of telling everyone and them all hating me but I’m also terrified of losing him, and it’s pulling me apart. I don’t know what to do.”

Vicky leaned into him, slid an arm around him as the pressure and emotion of the last few days overcame Callum and he sobbed into her shoulder. She held him, rubbing a comforting hand over his back until he was able to sit back up, scrubbing a hand over his face to try to rub away the remaining tears and even then she didn't let go, holding onto his hands.

“Callum, listen to me. What you did was brave. Standing up to someone who was as homophobic as your dad and who had always treated you and raised you to believe that was bad, it was incredible. But he’s still influencing you by the sound of it. You say you’re scared to come out, but that's him talking, not you, not Ben, not your friends. And I get it, you had longer listening to him than you’ve not. Stop listening to his voice in your head and think about what you want, what will make you happy. Because Callum, you’re the most important person here. Don’t come out for your boyfriend. Don’t stay in the closet for your dad or because you're worried about your school. Do what you want to do.” she paused for a breath, thumbs rubbing over the back of his hands, eyes damp. “Look what happened with Chris. He was living his life, loving Will, so happy to have you back. And one stupid person took all that away from him. Life is so short Callum. I can see how much you love Ben. And if he is half the person he sounds like he is then he must feel the same way about you. He’s going to want the same thing as me. Make yourself happy. Put your needs first, put your happiness first. You’ll know what you need to do and you’re going to be brave enough to do it again.”

It was late Thursday before Callum was in a state to drive home and he knew if he hadn’t got to go into school on Friday he probably would have rang in sick. Vicky’s words kept ringing in his head, settling his thoughts into something cohesive, something concrete that he knew he wanted to do. He’d never had the real chance to make himself happy before, but now, he knew what or who he wanted and he was prepared to fight for that, no matter how scared he still was of everything.

Before he left, he went to the local shop and brought a charging cable for his phone. Now he could actually admit that he had deliberately not brought one earlier, not wanting to see if Ben was still ignoring him. Once he had made the decision that he loved Ben, that he wasn’t ashamed of their relationship and he was going to show that to everyone he was desperate to see his phone, see if Ben had felt the same. The minute he had switched his car engine on and the phone was charging, a flurry of messages all came through, from the same person over the past four days. His heart clenched as he read them, worry, concern and apology all bleeding through the words on the screen in front of him. He sent a quick message back before pulling away:  _ I’m back tomorrow. Can we meet at pub club? We can talk then _


	15. June part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost over!  
> They actually talk....

Friday morning dawned and Callum had not really slept at all. He had got back home at 2 in the morning and then had tried to go to bed but the ideas, the scenarios he had playing through his mind about what he should say to Ben made him unable to rest. In the end he had tried to tidy up his clothes drawers and at the back of one of them, wrapped in a plastic bag, he found the notebook from New York. Sitting with his legs crossed in front of his bed, he thumbed through it, reading the kids messages with a smile. But it was the message at the back that caught his eye:

_ Callum, I just wanted to say how incredible you are. This trip has been amazing for the kids and for us and we all appreciate everything you’ve done. But it’s more than that for me. My dad makes me feel worthless and useless all the time. You make me feel the complete opposite. I’m a better person when I’m with you and I want that to continue for the rest of my life. The way you look at me, the way you touch me, the way you understand me makes me feel so alive when I’m with you. You deserve the world. I hope I can be the person to give it to you. Ben x _

Callum hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after finding the message from Ben, reading it over and over again until the sun came up and flooded his bedroom with golden light. Ben loved him, he knew it now, even if the younger man couldn’t say it. It was everywhere, in the daily text messages he’d sent this week, imprinted in the words he’d written way back in New York. 

He avoided the mirror as he dressed for school, knowing he was pale, with large bruises under his eyes and wondering how he was going to hide them from the kids in his classes. He was in school at 6, sorting through the mess of his classroom and avoiding people until it was a bit later. He only became aware of the time again when his phone beeped with another message from Ben.  _ I’ll be there, see you later _

He sat on his chair, breathing slowly as he read it, fingers stroking over Ben’s name on the screen and deciding he had to be brave and what better way than to start now. So he made his way to the head teachers office, heart in hands, still not sure what he was doing. Ian was sitting at his desk but he looked up with a smile as Callum approached him, closing the door behind him. “How was the funeral? You look a bit worse for wear.”

“It was good, well, as good as a funeral could be. The memorial at his school was lovely, but really sad as well.”   
“Good, I’m glad to hear it.”

Callum took a large breath, it had to be now or never or he’d never be able to come back in and say this to Ian again. “Can I ask a personal question?”

Ian leant back in his chair, eyes fixed on Callum. “Sure,” he said, steepling his fingers under his chin, not letting anything show on his face.

“What’s the school policy on teachers dating? Two teachers at the same school I mean. Two teachers here,” Callum managed to bumble his question out without wanting to disappear into the ground too much at the embarrassment of it all.

Ian was still looking at him, refusing to break eye contact, and at that he raised one eyebrow slightly. “As long as it’s kept professional around the students, no kissing in front of them or public displays of affection, it’s fine. We have staff that are partners, it's not unheard of being in a large school like this.” He paused, leant over the desk a little, a grin suddenly breaking over his face and Callum felt himself flushing, heat flooding his cheeks so quickly it made him a little lightheaded. “I take it you have someone in mind? Who are they?”

Callum gulped, grabbed hold of his courage with both hands. “Ben Mitchell,” he admitted quietly.

There was a brief silence where Callum stared at the desk and at his fingers twisting together in his lap and Ian said nothing. Eventually Callum raised his eyes, not sure what he was expecting, maybe being thrown out of the office or school. Instead Ian was still smiling at him and as Callum met his eyes, he shook his head and started laughing. “Ben, as in Ben, head of PE, Mitchell? God that explains a lot!! He was sulking around here earlier in the week demanding I tell him where you were. Been like a bear with a sore head all week!!!”

Callum knew he must be looking stupid, sitting there with his mouth open, this was the last thing he’d ever expected to come out of Ian’s mouth. “You’re not angry?” he asked when he could get his voice back.

“No, why would I be?” Ian looked appalled that he’d even had to ask and Callum felt his eyes water, had to swallow the lump in his throat. “Why does it matter if you date a man or a woman? It’s your life and it’s the same rules here for everyone. Just don’t pop down to PE and snog him in the cupboards. Although, I mean, if I had to pick someone for you Ben wouldn’t have the person I thought you’d go for. He’s a bit short surely?” He laughed again at his own joke but Callum was still so dumbstruck he couldn’t speak. This acceptance was almost too much for him to bear.

He decided to avoid briefing, too overcome with what had just happened but as he turned towards his office he realised there was someone else he wanted to tell. Tina had always supported him, since he’d started at Walford and especially last week and he needed her to know the truth too. She was sitting in their office, tapping on her computer but she looked up and smiled widely when she saw him hesitating at the door. “Hey,” she said warmly, “are you OK? You don’t look so great.”

“Thanks,” he replied dryly, sitting down on his chair and swinging around, happy to be back in his office. “Way to make me feel better, Teen.”

“Seriously, are you OK?” her face was concerned as she touched his arm gently, worry written in her eyes. “We missed you this week. Everyone was worried, even George.”

“I am ok, honestly.” He took a deep breath, “Tina, I need to tell you something, something important to me. I just hope it doesn’t mess this up, our friendship and our working relationship, but I need to tell you.” 

Tina kept her hand on his arm, “tell me, it’s fine,” she encouraged.

Callum took a deep breath and let it all out. “I’m gay,” he whispered

Tina’s reaction wasn’t what he was expecting, a massive smile split her face and her eyes lit up. “Say it again,” she said around the grin.

“I’m gay,” this time Callum’s voice was stronger, louder, prouder. Had she always known? Instead of just pushing it under the carpet, making it feel like it wasn’t special she was allowing him to be proud of himself and his life and he knew he would never be able to get over this. 

“Yeah, you are!” Tina practically crowed, so pleased for him and she flung her arms around him in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, Callum!”

If Callum hid his face in her shoulder and let a few tears of happiness fall out, no one else had to know. He’d never expected this kind of acceptance, maybe Ben had been right all along about how wonderful everyone at Walford Academy would be. When he was back to feeling more normal, he pulled away from Tina’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said.

She obviously understood what he was thanking her for and touched his cheek gently, before laughing at something. “So, is it Ben Mitchell you’re with?”

“I hope so but I’m not sure, I think I may have messed up….. hang on, how did you know? Ian said he was asking about me earlier in the week but did he talk to you too?” Callum was puzzled at the extent Ben had seemed to go to despite their argument.

“He came and spoke to me as well. Very polite, very concerned, Callum, he was almost out of mind with worry. He’s never spoken to me before you know, so you must mean a lot to him to get him over here chatting to me and Ian. Why don’t you know if you’re together? Seems very much like you are to me.”

“We had an argument, over me not telling people I was gay, although I think there was more to it than that and he just flipped at me,” Callum admitted quietly. “I want him, Tina, I love him. And he’s given me an incentive to come out, to be proud of who I am and I need to show him how important he is to me. But I don’t know how.”

Tina wrinkled her nose at him and a grin slowly slid across her face. “I may just have a plan, if you’re prepared to let the English and Maths staff know and help out. Ben won’t know what’s hit him”

Callum was back in school today. It was the only thought going through Ben’s mind, like a marathon runner, throbbing through his soul and very being. He had to apologise, had to tell him how important he was and how much he was needed and try to sort out this goddamn awful mess he had made. Ben had spent the last evening worrying and trying to think of what he could say, should he go down the normal flirty sassy route or would that upset Callum? Should he be honest and apologetic? Should, could, he say those three words that had been floating around and around in his head since the weekend. They scared him, more than anything else. Once he admitted how he felt about Callum out loud, to himself, then he was putting his heart on the line ready for it to be crushed. He didn’t know if he could do it, even though he knew it deep down in his heart. This week without Callum had been the worst he had gone through and he would do anything not to have to live one like it again.

The message from Callum on Thursday night had helped to settle him a little bit, knowing that they would be able to talk at the pub after school, but there was no usual kiss, no indication of where he had been or what he’d been up to and Ben had not slept much that night, wondering and worrying about the other man. He was on edge when Friday's briefing came around, fingers twisting in his pockets, foot tapping the floor. Jay had tried to keep him calm but there was nothing that could be done or said to make his nerves vanish, only Callum would be able to do that. So it was Sod’s law that Callum didn’t turn up to the briefing. Ben didn’t know if that meant he wasn’t in school or if he was ignoring him or if he was just too busy sorting things out after being off school. It was almost too much to bear and he had to be hustled out of the room quickly by Jay when he was sure he noticed Ian and Jack looking over at him with strange expressions on their faces and he was going to storm over and tell them what he thought of them. “I’ll check the cover board during form, I’m over there for assembly,” Jay whispered to him. “Just don’t do anything stupid, please.”

Jay’s words managed to keep him more or less on track but Ben was in a daze again from the start of the day. It was only the email from his brother confirming Callum wasn’t on the cover board that made him feel like he could get through the day, until pub club after school, even if he set work that involved the pupils refereeing games so it took the pressure off himself to do it.

Ben was tempted to go over to maths during lunch but he also wanted the chance to see Callum properly, to be able to make him understand, to try to salvage their relationship by apologising and he had no wish to do it in front of loads of nosy staff. It was when he was pacing around his office, trying to pretend he was ok to the rest of his team on lunch with him that he saw him, through the gaps of the blinds, walking across the playground. Ben stopped dead, eyes hungrily drinking in the tall figure almost within his grasp and yet so far away. It was almost like he’d forgotten how he looked, blue shirt hugging his chest and shoulders perfectly, matching tie, suit trousers clinging to his thighs. But he also looked heavy, tired, even from this distance Ben could see the stoop in his shoulders, the paleness of his face, the slightly thinner cheeks than last week, could imagine the dark circles burnished under his beautiful eyes. He knew Callum didn’t eat properly when upset or worried and seeing him like this made Ben have to physically stop himself from running over to the older man and pulling him into a hug. He could feel his heart ache as he stared, wondering if Callum had cracked and was coming over to see him. But he didn’t head towards PE and it caught Ben in the chest, pain radiating out when he realised where he was headed. To the music block. To Whitney Dean.

Jay came to PE at the end of the day to find Ben slouching in his chair in his office, bouncing a tennis ball off the wall repeatedly. “I don’t know if I want to go to pub club,” he growled at his brother.

“Well, tough luck,” Jay practically dragged him up and out of the office. “Lola text, she’s got your mum to look after Lexi cos she fancies a drink with us, so you’ve got no choice but to come.”

He looked carefully at Ben when they were driving the short distance to the pub, eyes worried, “what’s happened?”

Ben heaved a breath. “Callum went to talk to Whitney. Not me.”

“Ben.... you know he’s gay right? Whitney doesn’t have what he’s looking for in a partner.”

“Guess I don’t either,” Ben muttered under his breath.

He was feeling sorry for himself still, only half listening to Jay and Lola as they tried to talk to him, nursing a warm pint. It seemed everyone from school was in the pub, except the one person he’d been excited to see all day before it had been pulled from under his feet. Even Ian and Jack were sitting a few tables away from them, with the rest of the leadership team, and Whitney was leaning against the bar opposite him. He was trying to ignore her, ignore the cracking of his heart, pretending that things were still ok between him and Callum but he knew she was glaring at him and could feel her eyes like daggers on him. But then he was almost sure Ian and Jack were talking about him as well, even as Jay touched his arm and whispered, “stop glaring, Ben, you’re being paranoid again.”

He was just about ready to give it up, to storm out of the pub and just go home and wallow when the door opened and in swooped a large group of staff from school, the pub dropping in volume as the entire maths and English departments walked in together. It was unusual to see them all together, there were around 30 members of staff in the two largest departments and normally they’d come in in dribs and drabs, maybe chatting to each other a bit but splitting up into smaller groups. Seeing them on mass was something quite intimidating. And there, in the middle, trying to hide but immediately visible to Ben was Callum. He was nervous, Ben could see that straight away, fingers playing with his shirt cuffs, breathing shallow, tie loose around his neck. He looked incredible, even though he was pale, and Ben wanted to run over and tell him anything, get him to look over at him, say something to him. But he refused to stand up, after all, Callum had chosen Whitney, even if he kept a watchful eye on the older man, by now completely ignoring Jay and Lola.

Callum was standing against the bar, next to Tina, when he started to sweep a look around the pub until he saw Ben. He stopped then, staring over at the table, mouth slightly open. Ben could feel the blush starting in his cheeks, could see the same appearing on Callum’s face. He leant towards Tina, said something to her without breaking eye contact with Ben, and then suddenly he was striding over the pub. 

Ben couldn’t look away. At the same time, he was almost painfully aware of what else was happening. The English and maths staff had dispersed around the pub, the ones nearest to Callum patting him on the shoulder as he walked towards Ben, the others sitting themselves or standing in as many different areas as possible. Everyone had stopped talking, everyone was watching, Ian, Jack, Whitney. Jay and Lola were quiet, Lola’s hand gripping his tightly. And still Callum walked towards him.

When he got to the table he stopped in front of Ben. Up close, he could see how pale he was, see the dark circles under his eyes, see the fear deep in those blue eyes. What was he doing? Ben had no idea but he was standing to match before he could compute anything. “Callum, I’m sorry,” he breathed out, wanting to say it first before anything bad could be said..

Callum breathed heavily, shut his eyes as he inhaled and exhaled, then he opened them and looked straight at Ben. They’d changed, lighter, hopeful after the apology, resolute, strong. When he spoke it was in a loud, clear confident voice, carrying across the entire pub. “Ben Mitchell, would you go to the end of year staff party with me?”

Ben stared in silence, unsure if he'd heard correctly. If that was right, Callum Highway had just come out in the pub, in front of all his colleagues. He couldn’t stop the wave of emotion flowing through his body, eyes filling with tears for the bravery of the man in front of him. He was suddenly aware he hadn’t said anything, that Callum’s brave posture was suddenly starting to flag, that there was noise from the pub, from their fellow staff members. He was sure he heard Tina shouting, Jack and Ian encouraging them, could feel the squeeze of Lola’s hand and didn’t have to turn to look to know both her and Jay were grinning broadly. No one had ever done this for him before, made him feel so wanted and worthwhile. But was it really what Callum wanted? A glance at the man had him making his mind up, he couldn’t do nothing in the face of such wonderfulness. He eventually managed to find his voice somewhere around his knees. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to,” he croaked.

He wasn’t sure if Callum had heard him, his voice was so hoarse, but he must have for his head snapped up, eyes meeting Ben’s and the look in them made Ben sway, so much love and adoration clear in them. A smile flirted around Callum’s lips, turning the corners of his lips up, lighting his face. God, he was so beautiful. “Good,” he whispered back and then he stepped forward, took Ben’s face in those gorgeous large hands and leant in, pressing his lips against Ben’s in a sweet, slightly shaky kiss.

Ben pushed into the kiss straight away, not deepening it, keeping it light as Callum’s lips trembled against his own, letting his hands come up and rest on his man's arms, stroking through his thin shirt from elbow to wrist then back up to shoulder. It was like the noise and the cheering of the pub faded away, it was only the two of them in this moment, the points of contact between them being the only thing tethering him to the ground. He knew Callum was nervous, could feel it in the fingers cradling his head and the shakiness of his breath as they kissed and there was nothing more than he wanted to do than to let him know how proud he was, how brave he was for doing this. Ben let himself sink into the kiss, let Callum know he was there for him in the way he caught his bottom lip between his own, let his fingers glide over his man’s shoulders gently. When Callum broke the kiss, Ben kept him close for a second, resting his forehead against the older mans. “Hi,” he whispered between them.

Callum broke into a smile, the fear gone from his eyes, biting his lip. “Hi,” he whispered back.

It took all of Ben’s willpower not to just pull him back in, slant his mouth over those lips, show everyone just how much Callum Highway meant to him, but he knew that was not what the situation warranted. Instead he let himself become aware of what was going on around them, cheers and applause and wolf whistles flying through the air of the pub, led by the staff in maths and english. A pale pink flush started to spread over Callum’s cheeks, his ears, his neck and Ben knew the signs, knew he was starting to become so embarrassed and overwhelmed by the whole thing. In that moment, Ben knew he would do anything for the man standing in front of him, the man that had just put his career on the line for Ben, the man that had faced his fears so bravely. Ben was so far gone for him it was stupid. “You wanna get out of here? We still need to talk,” he asked it quietly, gently, not removing his hands from where they had curled around Callum’s shoulders.

“Yes, please,” Callum looked relieved that Ben had suggested leaving, and it was with some reluctance that Ben released him, finding his car keys in his jacket and chucking them at Jay. 

“Don’t stay up,” he winked at them, noticing how pleased both of them looked.

“I’ll tell Lexi not to expect you all weekend then,” Lola grinned back at the pair of them, eyes so happy. “I’m so proud of you.”

Callum slid his fingers into Ben’s hand as they started to leave, another little gesture that had Ben’s heart leaping with joy. He interlocked their fingers, letting his thumb stroke in gentle circles over Callum’s knuckles, keeping a tight hold on his man. They were stopped on the way out, Ian and Jack calling them over for a chat that had Ben’s eyebrows shooting up into his hair (had they known? He was so confused), Tina ran over to Callum and pulled him into a hug, then sent Ben a positively filthy smile whilst whispering something that had Callum blushing bright red. He avoided Ben’s eyes after that but still reached back out for his hand the minute Tina had released him. Whitney never came over, but as Ben looked around she caught his eye and raised her drink to him, nodding slightly. He had never wanted to speak to Callum more about what on earth had happened over the week that had caused this to occur, and so he pulled on Callum’s hand the first minute he was able, not caring if anyone thought him rude, he had bigger things on his mind.

Ben still hadn’t let go of his hand by the time they reached Callum’s car and he had never been more thankful for something physical to hold onto as he was at that moment in time. Nothing else had been said but as they pulled away from the pub for the short drive back to Callum’s, Ben reached over and laced his fingers through Callum’s again. “I’m so proud of you, you brave, brave man,” he whispered.

“M’not brave, I should have done it a long time ago,” Callum shrugged, trying to keep his voice even and level despite the churning feelings inside his stomach.

“You are brave, the bravest person I know,” Ben declared, fingers squeezing Callum’s briefly before he sighed a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Callum, for the things I did last week and the things I said to you.”

“It’s all right,” Callum tried to keep his eyes on the road and not the man beside him.

“No, it’s not, it’s not all right. I was mad, angry at my dad and I took it out on you. That’s not fair.”   
Callum knew bits about Ben’s dad, about how he made him feel and how he treated him, but it was something Ben kept close to his chest, tried to keep Callum away from whatever awful stuff he was getting up to. He knew it would be something he wanted to deal with, but now, when Ben was holding on tight to his hand, when they were trying to sort out the mess they’d made, was not the right time. And he realised Ben needed to apologise and actually, he had needed to hear it too. “Thank you,” was all he said in response.

“Please tell me you didn’t come out because I guilted you into doing it,” Ben sounded so worried that Callum did briefly look over at him, letting his thumb rub over the back of Ben’s hand. 

“Well, you may have been the catalyst, you’re the first person I’ve met that I wanted to come out for. But no, I did it for me. I was sick and tired of pretending to be something I’m not. I’m not ashamed of myself so I guess it was time to do it.” He hesitated, knowing he wanted to explain more. “Can we talk later? When we’re home I mean. I can’t do it whilst I’m driving.”

“You mean after you’ve finished putting your mouth to a better use,” Ben snapped his own mouth shut. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. Yeah of course we can.” He paused for a second. “Can I just ask, I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid here. Did anyone know about your whole little speech thing in advance?”

“Well, I was hardly likely to do it without telling Ian first, you know, I did want to keep my job…”   
“Wait, you came out to Ian?” Ben sounded incredulous and Callum huffed a laugh at him.

“Yeah, this morning. He was great about it actually, even when he told Jack and they laughed at the fact that it was you I was dating, said you were surely too short for me. But Tina, when I told her, she was amazing, I think she already knew, said you’d been sniffing around at the start of the week and been as you’ve never spoken to her before she guessed it was something that was really bothering you. “ he shot a look over at Ben, who was sitting, frozen in place with his mouth open, eyes fixed on Callum. Callum giggled a little nervously. “I mean, it was her plan, I just wanted to do something to show everyone without having to make a big deal of it but I also didn’t want to have to tell everyone individually so this seemed like a good idea. And when I had the break meeting to tell the maths and english staff and ask them to come and help out they were also understanding, even George, he patted me on the back and told me that I was the best thing that had happened to the department. And even Whitney, although she was shocked and I think a little mad that I hadn’t told her and let her think she had a chance, she understood too, said she’d aways thought after New York that maybe there was something going on between me and you.” Callum took a breath to calm himself down, knowing he rambled on when he was anxious and Ben’s silence was making him incredibly nervous. “Ben?” he asked cautiously.

“Pull the car over,” Ben demanded.

“What?”

“Just pull the damn car over, Callum!”

As Callum pulled over, dreading Ben jumping out of the car after all the disclosures he’d just made, he thought about locking the doors, forcing Ben to talk to him. He switched off the engine and turned towards Ben properly for the first time. Ben had undone his seat belt, watching Callum with eyes that were full of wonder and lust. Before he had time to say anything, Ben had flung himself over the central console, ignoring the gear stick and was kissing him, hard, fast, deep.

Callum gasped in shock, allowing Ben to lick into his mouth, curl his tongue behind his teeth again and again. The angle was all wrong, even when Callum managed to get his hands onto Ben’s face, holding him as close as possible but Ben wasn’t bothered, kissing him like he was a parched man and Callum was water. When the kiss broke, he only left a sliver of space between their lips. “My god, Callum, you’re amazing,” he breathed into Callum’s mouth, causing him to shiver uncontrollably. “You told all those people, babe, you’re incredible.”

“You know, we’re doing this on a road on the way home from school,” Callum pointed out, which caused Ben to laugh and sit back in his seat.

“Well, I guess you’d better get us home quickly, Mr Highway, before I find I can’t control myself anymore!”

Ben pinned him against the wall of his flat the minute they were in the door and it was closed behind them, kissing him like they’d been apart for months, standing on his tiptoes to get a better angle. Callum let his hands drift to Ben’s hips, pulling him closer, fingers dipping under the PE top Ben wore, teasing along the waistband of his shorts. Ben moaned into his mouth and slumped forwards, hands resting on Callum’s arms, pressed so close together Callum could feel his heartbeat racing though their shirts, vibrating between them. They kissed for a long time, hot, wet, slow, Ben licking into his mouth and biting at his lips until Callum was leaning back against the wall dizzy with need. They bounced off each other, like a chain reaction until they were drowning in pleasure, moans and choked off noises filling the air of the flat. Ben moved his lips from Callum’s mouth, running a row of hot kisses down his neck, nuzzling into the joint between jaw and throat, biting so Callum knew there’d be a mark there tomorrow that would remind him of this. He tipped his head back to give Ben better access, letting the noises leave his throat unstopped. Ben pulled back, an almost feral look in his eyes as he surveyed Callum, he knew what he must look like, lips red and kiss swollen, eyes full of want and desire, breathing heavily and Ben swallowed hard as his eyes raked over Callum’s body. “Bed,” was all he said. “Bed now, talk later.”

They stumbled towards the bedroom, lips still attached, clothes being thrown off as they went but they only made it to the sofa before Ben pushed him down with a groan, stripping him of trousers and boxers in one swoop. Callum almost protested - he’d have to disinfect the sofa after having sex on it, imagine if Stuart came for tea - but Ben, also naked and hard, was straddling his lap, pushing him flat against the cushions, kissing him so deeply the protest died into dust in his throat and came out as a loud moan of pleasure. Their cocks brushed together as Ben rocked his hips downwards, heat and light flashing through Callum at the feeling. After that, it was almost frantic, hips bucking into each other, Callum sliding a thigh between Ben’s, feeling him so, so hard against him, the push towards orgasm so fast like lightning. And then Callum reached down between them, slid his fingers over the tip of Ben’s cock, swirling the pre come over his fingers and took them both in hand, silky soft skin pressed against each other, hot and hard in his palm. Ben made a noise that was so pretty that Callum had to kiss it out of his mouth as he fucked their cocks together through his fist, making sure he caught his fingers just under the head of Ben’s cock, the way he knew Ben liked it. Ben’s hips jerked downwards, both of them moaning so much they couldn’t kiss anymore, just a slide of lips against lips. Callum let his free hand drift from where he’d been holding Ben’s hair to thumb over his nipple, and that was all it took, Ben coming hard and fast, moaning so loudly that Callum was sure all of his neighbours knew what they’d been doing, his back arching, strips of warm come coating Callum’s fingers. It pushed him over the edge too, Ben’s name on his lips as his orgasm hit fast and hard.

They eventually made it to bed after cleaning up a little where they lay, curled up together, trading lazy kisses. Ben’s fingers started tracing random patterns on his arm, pulling him close and safe. “Where’d you go,” he eventually whispered.

Callum knew he wanted to tell Ben everything but he didn’t know if he was going to be able to keep things together long enough to do so. Ben looked at him, so soft, so caring, eyes warm and fond. “You remember Chris?”

“Yeah,” Ben’s fingers hadn’t stopped their path over Callum’s skin.

“He, um...he…. he was killed. Last week. I was at his funeral.”

It was clear Ben hadn’t expected that, his mouth dropped open and he gathered Callum up in his arms, letting all the sadness and emotion flood out of the older man as he clung to Ben’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured once he was calmer.

“Nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart,” Ben murmured back, lips ghosting over Callum’s cheek and forehead. “He was your friend, your first love, you’re allowed to be sad.”

Callum rested his head close to Ben’s, let his fingers curl into his soft hair. “It made me realise, you know. That I hadn't gotten over my dad, that his prejudices were still in my head even though I thought I’d moved on from him. That was what made me want to come out, I didn’t want him ruining any more of my life. And it made me realise I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I kept on thinking what if it had been you Ben, how would I have coped? Knowing we’d fought about something so stupid. Life’s so precious, I want to spend every minute of it I can with you, being happy, being proud of who I am.” He let his fingers stroke over the thin, warm skin under Ben’s eye, over his cheekbones. “I love you, you know. I’m in love with you, you don’t need to say it, I know what’s happened in your past. But I wanted to let you know.”

“Callum,” Ben whispered and he held him close, murmuring comforting words in his ear, kissed him sweetly and gently until he eventually started to drop to sleep, still wrapped in Ben's arms. When he was almost under, in that half dreamy state he could have sworn he heard Ben whisper those three little words back at him, pressing a soft kiss to his hair before he finally dropped off into the first proper sleep he’d been able to have in a week


	16. July

The school year ticked over into July and suddenly there were only a few weeks left to go before summer. Ben had taken a step back from his father, trying to avoid contact with him, made easier by the fact that he seemed to spend every moment he could with Callum. He was sure his family liked Callum more than him, in fact, Lola had started to annoy him by asking him if he wanted Callum to go on holiday with them over the six weeks, and Ben was procrastinating in asking him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Callum to spend time with them and he’d been away for a weekend with them in May, more that he was still nervous that he’d still find something or someone better and not asking meant he couldn’t get his heart broken. Lola rolled her eyes at Ben every single night as she flicked through hotels in seaside resorts. “It’s not like he doesn’t enjoy spending time with us,” she huffed at him, trying to show him yet another hotel.

“Maybe I don’t want you to scare him off? You and Jay can be like vultures when you’re on holiday,” he snapped back at her.

“Please,” she scowled at him. “That boy is so gone on you, you could take him to the seediest little place around and he’d still think the sun shone out of your arse.”

They’d fallen into a routine since Callum had come out, staying at each other’s flats, driving into work together, clothes scattered at the others house. It was the loveliest thing, being able to be all domesticated, cooking for each other, cuddling on the sofa, learning each other’s bodies with fingers and mouths every night. Ben had even learnt some cheese jokes for Callum, knowing they were his guilty pleasure at school. He’d pop into the maths department regularly, calling out to Tina now whenever he saw her (she was wicked, he’d discovered, a real gem. He still remembered the week after Callum had come out he’d come over to meet him at the end of school and he’d been busy with a kid so Tina had invited him into their office. The things she’d suggested they get up to made even him get hot) and the day he was brave enough to to try one of the cheese jokes in front of one of Callum’s classes had been both nerve wracking and exhilarating. When he’d walked in and spoken to Callum it was as if nothing was different but on his way out he’d stopped, cocked a hip against the doorframe and more or less shouted, “what cheese protects a castle? Moat-zarella!” and had then given a mock bow to the entire class. The response from Callum had been worth it, shocked laughter, that gorgeous pink flush over his cheeks and a warm fond smile at school. But later at home, Ben had been fucked so hard into the bed that night, he’d not realised that Callum had such a cheese joke kink. It became one of his daily joys, trying to find the cheesiest jokes he could to fire up his boyfriend.

It wasn’t all plain sailing though. Callum had a few weeks where he’d gotten tense and insecure, being snappy to kids and to Ben. They had a massive argument in Callum’s flat one morning when Ben had dared to ask what was wrong, leading to Callum declaring that “you wouldn’t understand Ben, you don’t teach a bloody core subject,” before throwing his jacket on the floor and storming out in a huff. They hadn’t spoken all day, no little emails or texts, and it had bothered Ben more than he thought possible. He spent all day in a mood himself, only half concentrating on his lessons, setting the kids cross country running so he could sit on the bleachers on the sports field and mope. He wasn’t the only one sulking by the end of that day, the kids hated cross country running with a passion and their grumbling matched his mood.

He avoided the PE office all day, opting to spend lunch out on the field and he was more than annoyed when he made his way back after the day’s lessons to see his whole team standing outside his office gaping. “What’s going on here?” he snapped. “Can’t you just get in there?”

He pushed through and then also stopped dead, staring in shock. His very locked office had obviously been broken into and something left for him, something he recognised. A few weeks ago, Callum had wanted to try out some mathematical art (“come on Ben, it’ll be fun, I want to practise it for the end of year work.” “Babe, I’d have more fun sticking pins in my eyes!”) and it had ended with Callum and Lexi spending a very happy Saturday together making curved pictures with straight lines whilst Ben sat and wondered how his life had become this geeky and why he enjoyed it so much. They’d been very impressed with one picture - “it’s a heart, Daddy, can’t you tell!” - he hadn’t the heart to tell Lexi but later, once she was in bed, he had tapped it, now proudly stuck to the refrigerator. “It’s a giant arse, Callum, you’ve got my baby girl drawing arses. And now I have one stuck to my fridge.”

“It’s a heart, Ben,” Callum had huffed. “But it doesn’t surprise me you think it’s an arse. You have an unhealthy obsession with them.”

“Only yours, babe,” Ben had winked at him, pinching said peachy arse with gusto.

Now he stood, staring at the hundreds of ‘heart’ pictures that had been stuck on every damn available surface in his office, the wall, the desk, the windows, the computer, even his coffee cup and biscuit packet were covered in them.

He grabbed his phone and sent Callum a text message.  _ You twat. You absolute muppet. _

Then a minute later:  _ that’s why I like you so much _

Callum made his way down to PE around half an hour later, just as Ben was pulling down the last few hearts, making sure he kept all of them safely (even if he would deny that for the rest of his days), especially the one stuck to his computer screen. It was maroon, with familiar spidery handwriting saying  _ I’m sorry  _ around it in spirals. However when a sheepish Callum popped his head around the door he didn’t want to seem like he’d liked the whole thing too much so he merely glared at his boyfriend. 

“I’m sorry,” Callum said, holding his hands out and looking so adorably apologetic and worried and sad that Ben had no choice but to check there were no kids around and pull him into a hug. After when they were back at home, settled on the sofa with Ben in between Callum’s legs and his fingers stroking through his hair, Callum leant in, face pressed against Ben’s head and confessed, “I’m so worried about the kids grades. I’ve worked so hard this year to try to get them to improve but I can’t do anything now, it’s all in their hands not mine. What if they’ve messed up? And the grades are awful? I could lose my job.”

Ben turned around in his embrace and hugged his man as hard as he could. “You’ve done everything for these kids, darling, you couldn’t do anything more. Look at how much things have changed this year. It’s like a completely different department. The kids adore you, the staff adore you. Even George kind of likes you now. They’re not going to get rid of you.”

“Thanks for putting up with me,” Callum whispered and pressed a swift kiss to Ben’s lips.

“You’ve had to put up with more than that!” Ben huffed in reply but then he leant back so he could look Callum in the eyes, “how did you do it by the way?”

Callum blushed a deep red. “I got all the kids I taught today to make them, they thought it was sweet. Then Tina and I asked the caretaker for the key to your office and we broke in and plastered everything we could with them. I thought it was romantic.”

“Stalkery,” Ben countered with, before laughing at the look of horror on Callum’s face, pushing him back in the cushions and showing him exactly what he’d thought of the gesture.

It was Ben’s turn after that to get stressed, the end of term was sports day and it was the biggest event of the year for him. Callum had been so supportive but the weekend before, when Ben had been pulling his hair out in frustration at the logistics of the whole thing - he could deal with the events but it was the scoring, the timings, the records, the ceremony that always caused him issues - he’d taken one look at Ben and asked, “why don’t you let me help?”

And within a day he’d come up with an electronic scoring spreadsheet that filtered winners through automatically, set up a timing sheet and scorecards for all events that would feed into the scoring sheet and colour coded it all perfectly. Ben was astounded.

Callum had laughed at him. “I’m a geeky maths teacher, Ben, you can’t beat a good spreadsheet!” he’d grinned, with a wicked twinkle in his eye.

Sports day itself was always a bit of a blur for Ben, being pulled everywhere so he didn’t always appreciate the wonderfulness of the day. But this year was different, chaos more organised due to Callum’s help and he’d been able to breathe and look at how much fun the kids were having. At lunch Jay had come into his office to find him sitting with his head in the desk, trying to recentre his equilibrium, wishing he’d thought to bring lunch before he passed out. And of course, that was when wonderful, amazing, beautiful Callum turned up, clutching a KFC bag. “It’s sports day tradition!” he announced, waving the ambrosia in Ben’s face, “well, at least at my old school, thought we could start it here too? All the maths and English staff are tucking in, I thought you’d want some too?”

Ben grabbed it, inhaling the smell deeply. “God, you’re amazing,” he said. “If we weren’t in school I’d kiss you.”

The three of them picnicked happily on the food and Ben could not stop himself from gazing over at Callum all the time. “What’s up,” Callum said cheerfully as he threw his wrappings away. “Too much sun?”

“I was just thinking…. you’re running the staff relay this year, right?”

“Yep, last leg, star of the show,” Callum laughed, flexing his muscles and Ben absolutely did not find that adorable in the slightest.

“Shall we make it more interesting? A bet? For the winner?” Ben asked and Callum grinned at that, broadly and beautifully.

“Yeah, why not? Jay, you in?”

Ben coughed a little. “Babe, I don’t think Jay wants to get the winnings in the kind of bet I’m thinking of.”

Jay choked on his chicken at that and Callum went bright red and it was yet another reason why he was the most beautiful person Ben had ever known. “Definitely leave me out,” Jay said when he’d recovered but Callum was giving Ben speculative looks, out of darkened eyes which just warmed him up from the toes.

“What are you thinking of?” he asked and Ben shivered at the intensity of the tone of his voice.

“Please, you two are sickening,” Jay groaned and he ran out of the office quickly, even if he did give Ben a small shake of his head and a smile - he knew exactly how Ben was feeling at this moment in time.

Left alone and in the security of the office where there were no kids around, Ben crossed over and sat on Callum’s lap, letting him slide his arms around his waist and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Winner gets to pick what we do this weekend?” he suggested, batting his eyelashes and letting his eyes rake all over Callum’s body.

“So even if I lose I’ll be winning?” Callum grinned and Ben had to kiss it off his lips because how was he even real? “Ok, you’re on.”

They returned to the field after that, the staff relay was the first event after lunch and that was when Ben realised the biggest mistake he’d made. Callum was running in the same leg as he was, for a different house, and he came walking up with a smug smile as he caught sight of Ben. And Ben’s mouth just dropped open and he suddenly couldn’t breathe because Callum had stripped off to those damn canoeing skin tight shorts and T-shirt. Ben was distracted by his gorgeous legs, his smile, everything about him. And it didn’t help that Callum caught his eye and then deliberately did some calf stretches and Ben had to hide the fact that he was positively drooling over him. There was only one real outcome, he fumbled the baton as it was tried to be passed to him and tripped over his own feet at the sight of Callum’s thighs as he bent down next to him on the track, mind on other things than the race he was supposed to be winning. It was the first year he’d ever lost the staff relay but the sight of a triumphant and sexy Callum was worth it, especially when he leant in close as he passed Ben and whispered, “I’d quite like you to tie me up again, you know.”

Before Ben knew it it was the last day of term, the day of the staff party and the start of the summer. After the pupils had all gone he made his way to maths, to Callum’s classroom. There was no one around so he was able to slide onto his boyfriend's lap as he sat behind his desk, fingers grabbing his tie as he kissed him deeply. “Happy end of year,” he said between kisses. “We could slack off the party tonight, have our own at home maybe?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“I wanted to show you, us off,” Callum protested, hands as usual cradling Ben’s face, eyes soft.

‘Are you turning down sex for a staff party?”

“Nah, I know you by now, we’ll have sex when we get home and then again when we’re back from the party. You’re a monster, Ben, I don’t know how I keep up with you!” Callum laughed fondly, fingers stroking Ben’s cheeks. He paused for a second. “Look, I need to ask you something. You can say no if you want to, no pressure or anything, in fact, maybe I should…”

“Callum,” Ben cut him off, “just ask me. I’ll say no if I want to, but trust me, I won’t want to.”

“Stuart asked Rainie to marry him. Do you want to be my plus one? I mean it’s not until November but I’d love you there with me.”

Callum had looked down as he asked the question and it made Ben’s heart swell. Callum was thinking long term, he wanted Ben around, he wasn’t going anywhere, and suddenly those three words were so important to say. He’d not said them before even though he’d known for ages, too scared to utter them, but this man had broken down each and every barrier Ben had ever built up. “I love you,” he whispered.

Callum’s eyes shot up, a look Ben had never seen in them and then they were kissing, sweetly, Callum pushing as close as he could. “I love you too,” he murmured into the gap between their lips, kissing him over and over again. “I take it that’s a yes?”

“Yes, yes, of course it’s a yes,” Ben said, punctuating each word with a kiss.

“Good. Cos now you’ve said yes, I can tell you the rest, it may be a themed wedding. Vampires, at the moment.”

Ben sat back, surveyed Callum’s face with growing horror. “It’s a good job I love you!!”

Callum laughed, long and hard, “you’re gonna look so cute dressed up as a vampire,” he teased and Ben had to lean back in and kiss the laughter off his lips.

Later he trailed his fingers over Callum’s face gently. “Come on holiday with me and Lexi and Jay and Lo,” he asked, finally able to say this too, “we all want you too so badly. You’re going to be around ours so much anyway, you may as well say yes.”

Callum considered him, eyes serious and Ben knew how much this meant to him, he wouldn’t be lonely this summer. “If I say yes to a family holiday, can me and you go somewhere too? Just the two of us?”

“Where are you thinking?”

“Blackpool?” Callum was grinning at him.

“Blackpool?!? Seriously? I was thinking somewhere romantic like Paris or Rome.”

“Yeah, I mean, they’re good, but Blackpool reminds me of you and how we first met,” Callum shrugged, his eyes alight. “It’s a great place to go to play bingo you know. I could show you how I can handle my bingo balls in action.”

Ben laughed and laughed at that until his side hurt, leaning down and kissing a smiling Callum so deeply their teeth clashed. “Callum, babe,” he said, and he knew the smile on his face must be so wide, “trust me, your bingo balls are not the balls I’m planning on getting my hands on this summer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story
> 
> Just for a fun fact, the heart/arse pictures are actually a thing, they’re called cardioids and I’ve always thought they looked slightly rude but could never say in school. So thank you for Ben!


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